Bark's Bites: The Mustang Mach-E Is a Litmus Test and All of Us Failed

Mark "Bark M." Baruth
by Mark "Bark M." Baruth

I’m so glad that the collective internet reacted calmly and rationally to the launch of the Mustang Mach-E yesterday. I was worried that people would succumb to the “Sucks or Rocks” philosophy that is so completely pervasive in not only automotive journalism but spreading throughout society at large. Thanks be to the God of your understanding, most people opted for a measured response to Ford’s first (relatively) high volume electric effort.

Nah, just kidding. Y’all went apeshit, just like Ford wanted you to.

I admit, as one of the very few automotive journalists who’s ever actually spent his own money on a brand-new Mustang, I overreacted a bit to the initial leaks, as well. You’re calling this coal-powered, ugly-ass, Tesla wannabe a MUSTANG? Go choke on Steve McQueen’s dong (as seen on Jalopnik)!

But the more I think about it, the more I understand that Ford did exactly the right thing by calling this new electrified crossover a Mustang. Read on.

Perhaps you’ve heard of this new anti-meth campaign that South Dakota has? The slogan is “Meth. We’re on it.” The general idea behind the campaign is that the State of South Dakota is taking care of, or “on,” the meth problem facing its residents. Now, as somebody who’s been in marketing for more than a decade, I would have initially said that this was a terrible idea, as the typical connotation associated with saying you’re on drugs is somewhat less than positive. Also, the State of South Dakota has not, historically, been great with advertising.

However, what are the chances that the Washington Post would ever write about the anti-drug campaign of South Dakota if it were conventional? Hell, my home commonwealth of Kentucky has one of the worst meth problems of any state in the union, and nobody wants to talk about it. So South Dakota, through unconventional methods, has gotten more buzz about their campaign than they ever could have through traditional means.

Ford found itself in a similar situation. While there’s no doubt that this, ahem, uniquely styled crossover would have garnered a significant amount of attention regardless of the nameplate, there was only one way to ensure that this thing broke the internet, and that was by attaching the most prominent model name in the history of American automotive manufacturing (fight me) to it. Everybody is talking about this car, and I don’t mean everybody in the automotive press. I mean almost literally everybody.

My social media feed has been overwhelmed by the Mach-E, with comments that are nearly exactly the opposite of what people who can’t afford and will never buy this car — the automotive press — are saying. People love the look. They’re fascinated by the performance numbers. They’re excited about the opportunity to own a “Mustang” that actually fits their needs. Four doors! All-wheel drive!

The chances of receiving this much buzz by calling it the “Ford E-Something-That-Starts-With-E-Because-It’s-a-Ford-CUV?” Zilch. Zero. Nada. And the risk? Also nearly none. Because none of the people bitching about the name were ever going to buy it, regardless of what you called it. But people who want a Mustang but couldn’t previously justify one because of their 2.2 kids, white picket fence, suburban lifestyle will be lining up. They’re gonna sell all they can make.

And here’s the even crazier thing. I might actually buy one for myself.

I mean, why the hell not? As Katt Williams might say, it does look like a Mustang, until a Mustang pulls up. The 0-60 numbers are quicker than anything my Boss 302 ever posted (no, I don’t care about 0-60, but everybody else does). It won’t be of any use whatsoever at the track, but neither is my Ford Flex, ya dig? And I can put my kids in it, and they’ll like that it’s a Mustang, just like the yellow one Daddy used to have. And with the federal tax credit I’ll be getting, I can even afford to install a charger in my house without selling my soul to the devil.

Plus, let’s not forget that they’re still more than happy to sell you a gas-powered, supercharged, V8, two-door Mustang if you want one. Which, of course, nobody actually does.

So just stop it, okay? If you don’t like the EcoStangMachBoostE, then don’t buy one. Better yet, stop talking about it. If you’re really angry about something on the internet, the worst possible way to protest it is to click it, share it, and comment on it. But Ford was counting on you doing exactly that, and y’all fell for it. The only fool that you’re fooling is the fool that is you.

Now, please excuse me while I make my reservation. Wait, what? They put a GT badge on that rolling abortion? Oh, hell nah!

[Image: Chris Tonn/TTAC]

Mark "Bark M." Baruth
Mark "Bark M." Baruth

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  • Superdessucke Superdessucke on Nov 20, 2019

    I think the Mustang Tuna Maki will do just fine, of course. I think the issue is going to be when the market changes 5 years from now, but I suppose that issue was beyond this product launch. I still think Ford would be better off trying to maintain brand equity in the small car segment but we'll see.

  • Gearhead77 Gearhead77 on Nov 20, 2019

    My problem is just with the name itself. Mach E? How about Mustang Electron or something else like that? The wails of Mustang dilution are justified, but not the intensity of them. Ford needs to appeal to as many buyers as they can and for some having the Mustang name on something that isn't a pony car is what they want. Mustang II carried the name through a dark time, maybe this carries the name beyond? As long as this allows Ford to build "real" Mustangs for those who want them, who cares?

  • ToolGuy This is the kind of thing you get when you give people faster internet.
  • ToolGuy North America is already the greatest country on the planet, and I have learned to be careful about what I wish for in terms of making changes. I mean, if Greenland wants to buy JDM vehicles, isn't that for the Danes to decide?
  • ToolGuy Once again my home did not catch on fire and my fire extinguisher(s) stayed in the closet, unused. I guess I threw my money away on fire extinguishers.(And by fire extinguishers I mean nuclear missiles.)
  • Carson D The UAW has succeeded in organizing a US VW plant before. There's a reason they don't teach history in the schools any longer. People wouldn't make the same mistakes.
  • B-BodyBuick84 Mitsubishi Pajero Sport of course, a 7 seater, 2.4 turbo-diesel I4 BOF SUV with Super-Select 4WD, centre and rear locking diffs standard of course.
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