Cops Hot on the Trail of Interstate Smut Merchants

Distracted driving is one the greatest scourges of our time, rivalling drunk driving as the roadgoing activity most likely to end in tragedy. Cell phones calls, texting, and cumbersome infotainment systems all contribute to a populace overwhelmed with distractions.

In light of this, the last thing any speeding driver needs is a massive roadside screen displaying a porno flick.

Police in Auburn Hills, Michigan have released surveillance video of two young men suspected in Saturday night’s impromptu roadside movie night. At 10:49 p.m., the Detroit Free Press reports, two individuals broke into the shed housing the controls for an electronic billboard placed along the I-75, near the M-59 interchange.

The two individuals, looking pasty and wearing glasses, may have used skills honed during hours-long basement video game marathons to switch the billboard feed from the existing ads to an X-rated movie. The sudden changeover from yawn-inducing commercial to writhing bodies didn’t result in any accidents, thankfully, but that doesn’t mean the boys are off the hook for their 15- to 20-minute cinema project.

According to the cops, promoting smut in the manner in which they did carries a possible sentence of 90 days in jail, as well as a $500 fine. Then there’s the felony burglary charge.

“You don’t see that everyday,” one amused driver told WXYZ Detroit after passing the billboard Saturday night. “You could kind of see people started to brake a lot behind me, cause I think they were doing the same thing, like a double take.”

Anyone with information as to the suspects’ identity are encouraged to call 248-364-9460. Now, If only Auburn Hills PD could do something about the message that inadvertently pops up on my Cruze’s infotainment screen, informing me that taking my eyes off the road can lead to an accident. I have to take my eyes off the road to click the “OK” button.

[Image: Ford]