By on September 23, 2019

Image: BMW/Twitter

Volkswagen made waves and offended Corey’s sensibilities when it released an ad, a while back, that used sex to sell its line of family-friendly vehicles. Not implicit, come-hither-looks-from-passing-girls kinda sex, but full-on, here’s-people-doing-it kinda sex. Seemed a little rude.

Well, the Germans are at it again.

This time, it’s BMW and an online ad that uses raw, steamy passion and a concept-car-turned-bordello to sell its vision of an electric, autonomous future. A future that, until now, has boasted very little sex appeal. Like, zero sex appeal.

With its spot for the Vision iNext concept vehicle, BMW is explicitly saying that time spent driving could be put to better use by turning your vehicle — possibly borrowed, or worse yet, owned by a ride-hailing company — into a no-tell motel. Magic Fingers not included.

One hopes that BMW has a supply of stain-resistant seat fabric at the ready.

In this rolling display of debauchery and lewdness, we see a fashionable, European-looking couple making like they’re in a bathroom at a drug-infused rave (or perhaps a back-alley on Bourbon Street) as streetlights flit across windows. The lights of a police car come into view, but the occupants of the Crown Vic instead motor past the iNext, completely unaware of the carnal escapades occurring within.

“A space where everything can be done with ease,” reads BMW’s tweet.

Weirdly, it’s quite clear that this unbelted and uninhibited couple is not actually inside a vehicle, but BMW wants us to believe they are. There’s not much to be seen in the exterior shots of the vehicle, minus the vehicle itself. And what an odd-looking vehicle it is, but that’s neither here nor there.

Bimmer bills the iNext as a vehicle that responds to the whims of its driver. Its steering wheel stands ready to serve those who aren’t getting any, but the wheel and all other dashboard trappings fade to the background when the occupant wishes to go driver-free.

“People, their emotions and wants, are at the forefront of all BMW Group thinking about the mobility of the future,” the automaker stated when debuting the iNext.

“Apart from the steering wheel and displays in the driver’s area, there are no other screens or controls to be seen in the BMW Vision iNEXT. In order to preserve the comfortable character of the rear compartment, and therefore keep the people on board at centre stage, the intelligent technology is integrated out of sight. Only when it is required by the driver or passengers does the technology become visible and operable. With the focus of attention on people, technology deliberately fades into the background and only becomes visible and operable, when the driver or passengers want it to be.”

Obviously, materials and marketing associated with the iNext focus on all the things a driver could be doing in that people-focused passenger space — responding to emails, preparing spreadsheets, making babies. Stuff like that. One imagines that this couple’s autonomous iNext is perfectly able to follow programmed instructions as to its destination, be that locale a place of residence, a pharmacy, or a confessional booth.

While the racy ad undoubtedly injects some heat into an automotive realm that boasts the same level of titillation as watching your elderly neighbors shower in a FEMA tent, it also gives credence to predictions that self-driving vehicles will become bedrooms on wheels. Is this what you want to see in the car next to you during your commute? Truthful answers only, please.

[Image: BMW/Twitter]

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15 Comments on “Sex Car, Take Two: BMW’s Autonomous Future Is Apparently Powered by Steam...”

  • avatar

    The future will hopefully include heavily tinted windows.

  • avatar

    The Ultimate Driving Machine has become The Ultimate Riding Machine. Sad.

  • avatar

    Only if my own car’s level of autonomy leaves me with the freedom to watch, and only if they’re worth watching.

    Reminds me of the time I was parked with my then-girlfriend (we got hitched a while ago) in our parking lot of choice for some two-becoming-one. A New Beetle was parked about 10 spaces down, and there was definitely another couple in there doing the deed based on silhouettes cast through foggy windows by the faint glow from a far-flung parking lot lamp.

    We kinda-sorta used them as inspiration until our own activities prevented us from splitting our attention…

    I miss my youth. The only way I’d get my wife to get busy with me in a vehicle now would be to purchase an RV.

  • avatar

    Good news: it’s safer than doing it in a moving car.
    Bad news: cleanup.
    Really bad news: Uber talked you into letting your autonomous car be used as an unmanned taxi, and it comes home in time to take little Sally to her karate lessons. Sally steps inside and says, “what’s the smell, and what’s this stuff on my seat, Daddy?”

  • avatar

    Fantastic news. Soon we’ll all be cumming and going at the same time.

  • avatar
    SCE to AUX

    “…an electric, autonomous future. A future that, until now, has boasted very little sex appeal. Like, zero sex appeal”

    Why do you say that? Exactly how does an EV soak the sex appeal from a car?

    Or are you referring to the goofy-looking AV exercises by Google and others, which just happened to be electric?

    As for the BMW/VW advertising approach, it’s stupid. People are pretty good at figuring out when and where they can mate.

  • avatar

    It is not easy to conceptualize an ad and then shoot the ad and go through post production and have everything turn out the way you had planned. So the message can become distorted in the process.

    Possible revisionist history explanations for why the couple is not inside the vehicle:
    – They are at the rave and their autonomous vehicle is driving to pick them up.
    – The party went longer than planned, and the vehicle is driving their child home to be met by the sitter.
    – The vehicle is making a quick drugstore run.

    Occam’s Razor explanation:
    – Most automotive advertising is not very good.

  • avatar

    Does BMW have bathroom on board? If not – I pass. But I am too old for that “joy” anyway. Germans for some reason are obsessed with sex not in the good way so I am not surprised how they imagine future joy. Probably complex of inferiority or too much of common sense and complete lack of passion make them want to be like Italians in their dreams..

  • avatar

    My recent BMW X5 ownership experience had elements of sex – I got f***ed that’s for sure.

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