Ace of Base: 2018 Chevrolet Spark LS Manual

Question for ya. When does it become imperative that one must have a new car? The 2018 Chevy Spark shown here stickers for a mere $13,050 before incentives (and, yes, there are incentives, even at the Ace of Base end of the market.) Thirteen large can buy a heckuva used car, after all.

I’ll tell you when it becomes imperative: the minute a full warranty becomes more important than being thrifty. Whatever the reason, there’s intangible value in having a reliable commuter car or sending a family member into the big bad world in a car that won’t leave them stranded with an unexpected repair bill. As much as some of us would like to, it’s not always realistic to drive $1,000 Malaise-era clunkers.

Instead of approximately thirteen rattletraps, one can get into a Spark in LS Manual trim. Along for the ride will be an iPad-sized touchscreen with Apple CarPlay and Android Auto, a backup camera, and WiFi hotspot. A $1,000 beater will not possess anything remotely resembling those features, but will instead feature a cassette player and paper-based satnav system. The gauges vaguely remind me of a sportbike but the GM corporate wheel looks plain and sad. At least it has a tilt adjustment.

A 1.4-liter inline-four making 98 horsepower doesn’t sound like much, but is light years ahead of anemic and raucous mills found in base cars of yore. A five-speed stick shift will serve as a handy anti-theft device. Stabilitrak should keep things shiny side up even with the most ham-fisted of new drivers at the wheel, while hill start assist keeps the brakes engaged for a fraction of a second on an incline while the driver figures out the aforementioned five-speed.

No fewer than 10 airbags will make the situation all pillowy if Stabilitrak fails in its task, popping out of the dash, front and rear seats, and roof. Two more whack you on the kneecaps like Tony Soprano. Cupholders abound for all occupants, who can also cool off by way of the standard equipment air conditioning.

A diminutive nine gallon fuel tank gives me pause, as the car will likely have to stop for a break before the driver will. Tiny 15-inch rubber will be cheap to replace, though 55-series sidewalls still qualify as low profile in this author’s antiquated brain.

Jazzy colors costing $0 always rank high on the Ace of Base meter; the hue shown here is simply called Splash (aside – I dearly hope the new Ranger has a Splash trim, even though I know it won’t). Optional $395 colors include the entertainingly named Brimstone. That one’s for sinners only, but fire is not included. The vain part of me would spend $425 on fog lamps.

For once, Canucks have it better, with the same car described above listing for only $9,995. That’s about $7,800 American. The only gratis color choices in the Great White North are red, silver, and white, but for that we will be grateful and probably apologize for our selection.

[Images: General Motors]

Not every base model has aced it. The ones which have? They help make the automotive landscape a lot better. Any others you can think of, B&B? Let us know in the comments. Naturally, feel free to eviscerate our selection.

The model above is shown in American dollars with American options and trim, absent of destination charges and available rebates. As always, your dealer may sell for less.