By on March 17, 2017

vauxhall corsa

Today’s the day we celebrate an Irish guy who probably isn’t responsible for banishing snakes from the Emerald Isle, usually by guzzling beer tinted with bowel-loosening amounts of green food coloring.

Across a tiny sea from that land, a much more vibrant color caused the inhabitants of one historic British town to rebel against the tyranny wrought by a compact hatchback. We’re happy to inform you that order has now been restored.

In the medieval Gloucestershire village of Bibury lies the historic Arlington Row, a 13th century street that’s familiar to any UK citizen. The narrow roadway, which winds its way up a gentle slope amidst quaint stone houses, is pictured on UK passports. As such, locals don’t take kindly to anything that disrupts the view. Arlington Road’s heritage status is protected by the UK government.

Enter one Peter Maddox, an 84-year-old pensioner who turned the village upside down with a single purchase: a two-door Vauxhall Corsa hatchback. Maddox had lived in the village for 15 years, but the new addition to his household — which he parked outside his home, in full view of any sightseers — sparked an upswelling of anger.

I’m picturing a scene from Straw Dogs, only with a Vauxhall Corsa in the Dustin Hoffman role.

According to The Telegraph, Maddox emerged from his home in January to find the word “move” etched into his hood with a key. Total damage to his vandalized Corsa amounted to more than $7,000.

Aware that continued ownership of a yellow car would only lead to more simmering resentment, as well as more property crimes, Maddox felt compelled to rid the village of the unwelcome occupant. As of this week, Arlington Row’s historic view has more or less been restored, all thanks to a new Vauxhall Corsa. This one, decked out in a medium gray, tries its best to blend into its damp, overcast British surroundings.

“Hopefully I won’t have any trouble with it, although I never intended to cause a problem with the yellow one,” Maddox stated.

Helpfully, The Telegraph allowed readers to view the before-and-after impact of the Corsa’s paint switcheroo. The Crisis in the Cotswolds, thankfully, seems to be over.

[Image: Vauxhall]

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33 Comments on “Freaky Friday: Yellow Hatchback Has Entire Town Seeing Red...”

  • avatar
    Corey Lewis

    He gets all the support and happy feels of an HOA, without having to pay for it! Bully to him.

  • avatar

    I’m surprised no shotguns were involved. They always are in Midsomer Murders.

  • avatar

    I visited the Cotswalds last summer.
    It’s beautiful.
    But listen to this…there are sheep all over the landscape with big numbers in garish colors painted on the side to identify their owner.
    (I’m not making this up)
    Our guide called them “Nascar sheep”
    Hard to imagine one yellow car is a big deal.
    Probably some other grudge being settled.
    Grudges go back centuries there.

  • avatar

    I like people, but I couldn’t live anywhere with that volume of tourists — and tourist expectations. Forget to mow your lawn one week, get nasty notes from all over the world.

    • 0 avatar

      “Forget to mow your lawn one week..”

      Maybe the sheep are organized into rapid response teams for those times when Nigel’s lawn is a mess because he’s on holiday and a horde of Chinese will be there in an hour.

    • 0 avatar

      My girlfriend used to live in a street called “Knøsesmauet”, which is among the first images you see if you google Bergen, Norway.

      I never got used to getting up in the morning, itching my crotch, put on my glasses, only to see that my entire wake up session was being filmed by some Asian tourist right outside the living room window. Curtains wouldn’t do, as there was zero light then.

      Needless to say, we now live undisturbed in the middle of nowhere along a picturesque fjord. Tourists drive by on the main road without ever noticing us (but they do reduce summer speeds from 80 to 50kph, grrrrr).

    • 0 avatar

      My sister and two friends rented a house for the month of August on Lombard Street in San Francisco – THAT Lombard Street. The owners rented the place every Summer and got out of town. She said you could hear the crunch of sheet metal all day, and trips to the market by car ended with a 90 minute wait to go down the street.

      Perishables had to be dropped off at the top and walked down to the house. The car arrived an hour and a half later, and was always followed into the driveway. It usually took the tourists 20-30 minutes for a chance to back out back into the stream. My sister and friends left with a week remaining on the lease – but that street is a special case.

      • 0 avatar

        Random idea… the city should put a gate at the top of the hill, which opens with a passcard for residents and their vehicles only. Probably would keep half the BS from happening if the access point was well designed. If the tourists want to see the street, they can walk.

  • avatar

    Wait what happened? He is attacked for a yellow car? I feel like half this story is missing or I’m not catching something.

    One of this biggest problems we face in the first world are people that have so few real life problems that they have to create problems, this is an egregious example.

    • 0 avatar
      Corey Lewis

      He essentially lives on a street where the simple image/look of it is a tourist attraction and historical monument. He put a big bottle of Vauxhall mustard out front, and the other locals weren’t having it. He’s since switched it out for Greige Poupon, and all is well.

      • 0 avatar
        Ray Finkle

        Actually, according to the news reports on it, the locals didn’t take issue with the car at all, and have all come out in support of the old chap. It was tourists who had been complaining about the yellow car “ruining” shots of the village. If it ruins your picture it probably says more about your photographic abilities.

  • avatar

    I’d buy a Corvorado and park it out front:

  • avatar

    Not being from the UK, I wanted to see what the place looked like. Google Imaged “Historic Arlington Row” and found this:

    • 0 avatar

      Heh, I like it! But then, I like brightly colored little hatches. I guess I can see how the neighbors might be bothered by it, but honestly, automobiles have been part of the English countryside for a few generations now.

  • avatar
    Dr. Claw

    Wow, what a steaming pile of crap. A yellow hatch would be welcomed on my street. In fact, I kind of thought Ford punked out when the ST’s “Tangerine Scream” color dialed down the obnoxiousness of the (Euro) predecessor’s ASBO orange. That’s the color to have it in.

    Bottom line: leave other people’s property alone.

  • avatar
    My name is httpy

    Never underestimate the pettiness and anal retentiveness of middle England.

    I worked with a bloke from Tunbridge Wells for a bit, we were discussing motors one day, mainly SUV’s. He mentioned his wife wanted to get a Ford Kuga at one stage-Ford Explorer in US I think-but would not as the name was too ‘suggestive’ as she was a school teacher. Thinking was Kuga is too close to Cougar, which might give out the wrong impression.

  • avatar

    I’d have taught them what the phrase, “you don’t mess with another man’s car,” really means and then laughed at their lamentations in the ruins of their hovels. Seriously, a look at trip advisor reveals that vandalizing colorful cars is the local pastime. Spend your tacky tourist dollars elsewhere. Let them cavort with their sheep in peace.

  • avatar

    This is positively insane.

    Think somebody’s car is ruining the neighborhood? Offer to buy his car and pay the difference to allow him to buy a new car.

    If he doesn’t want to do that, or you aren’t willing to pay to fix the situation with YOUR money, then mind your own business.

    If the village was meant to be a museum, then they need to get rid of the people who live there. All of them.

  • avatar
    Felix Hoenikker

    $7K sounds a little steep to sand and respray the hood. Is body work that expensive in the UK? My body guy would do this for no more than %500.

    • 0 avatar

      If you look into it, there was more damage than that.

      “A vandal scratched the word “MOVE” onto the bonnet, scratched every other panel and smashed the driver’s side window and rear windscreen.”

      So every body panel scratched and two windows smashed.

  • avatar

    Years ago my parents lived on the outskirts of Cottonwood, Arizona. The people in that area built homes there because of the excellent views of the red rocks of Sedona. Then some nitwit, who lived directly along the sight line of the best view, painted his house yellow. Who paints their house yellow? Some people do things to purposely annoy others and I’m afraid I can’t work up a lot of sympathy for that kind of person.

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