On Brittany Howard, LeMons and New Jersey College Virgins

W Christian Mental Ward
by W Christian Mental Ward

Yeah, I opened this up for the screen shot, but I had been listening

You have heard it before, you’ll hear it again. Probably soon, probably better and probably from Louis CK, in which case it will definitely be funnier.

But what an age we live in! Literally, a mere 10 years ago my wife sat at home hoping my once a week phone call from Africa would actually connect. Today, I am texting her as she has lunch with her little brother in Virginia. But what’s more impressive is that I am doing that while watching real time race updates as my buddies the Three Pedal Mafia and their beater Rolls Royce battle Speedycop and his amazing upside down racecar at on the 24 Hours of Lemons at NJMP. The mighty K Car wagon is there as well.

Unfortunately, I believe that is the S-10 Sea Sprite, FB tells me the Rolls is totalled

Yeah, you can watch big races live on the a giant TV from almost anywhere with electricity, but I am here, in a hotel in Amman Jordan, Guinness slippers on, getting real-time lap by lap updates on my iPhone with the Race Monitor App. This allows me to annoy my east coast teammate with useless observations and pointless advice so obnoxiously, it’s like I am there, only they didn’t have to buy me a case of Dos XXs.

Seriously, what is most unlikely? Unicorn farts or NJ College virgins?

This is not up to the minute action of the latest Formula 1 race, but this is “as-it-happens” track data from a crapcan race. All in the comfort of a small couch while Brittany Howard serenades me from my Alabama Shakes Pandora station.

Yeah, I know I’m not cool, call me a fanboi, trend jumper, whatever. I will read it, from right here, on the same couch, 8,000 miles away. I will probably read it within seconds of you clicking “comment.” But I move my lips when I read, so it will take a while. I am from Georgia after all.

But think about it. To place the concept in another time frame; it’s like my Dad being able to watch a Friday night grudge race from his leatherette La-Z-Boy by tuning to a UHF channel back when I was a wee lad. Except the TV is in Spain, a heckler can toss beer can at him from Australia, all while he typed up a story about it. Then mailed that story to German editor in Japa…you see where this is going right?

Of course you do. I am pointing out that you can mock me, as I bother my team, while we are watching live updates and our snarky criticism of other people can span the globe. I only ask that for a few seconds prior to your slapping that “enter” key with resolute authority, you think about the wonder of it all.

It’s pretty cool huh?

Go Three Pedal Mafia!

Fire away.

W. Christian Mental Ward has owned over 70 cars and destroyed most of them. He is a graduate of Panoz Racing School, loves cartoons and once exceeded the speed of sound. Married to the most patient woman in the world; he has three dogs, a Philosophy degree and a gift for making Derek and Jack wonder if English is actually his first language.

W Christian Mental Ward
W Christian Mental Ward

School teacher, amateur racer, occasional story teller.

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  • Petra Petra on Aug 12, 2013

    I'm surprised I'm not the only person who ever used Orb.

    • W Christian Mental Ward W Christian Mental Ward on Aug 12, 2013

      Great eyesight. I made the image and can't see that. It's an account from a previously deployed buddy who loads up stuff for me to binge watch over here. Last month I got all three season of 'Ashes to Ashes.' I walked around saying "Right. Let's Fire up the Quatro" until my roommate threatened to kill me.

  • Tuffjuff Tuffjuff on Aug 12, 2013

    You have some incredible group text message conversations. Also, the bio? Spot-on.

  • Kwik_Shift_Pro4X Defender looks way better than the Bronco in both 2-door and 4-door.
  • ToolGuy I found this particular episode to be incredibly offensive.I am shocked that eBay Motors is supporting this kind of language and attitudes in 2024.I will certainly keep this in mind next time I am choosing where to buy auto parts (I buy a LOT of auto parts).
  • SaulTigh When I was young in the late 80's one of my friends had the "cool dad." You know the guy, first to buy a Betamax and a C-band satellite dish. Couple of stand up arcade games in the den. Bought my friend an Atari 2600 as soon as they came out. He had two of these crap heaps. One that only ran half the time and one for parts in the yard. My middle school brain though he was the most awesome dad ever, buying us pizza and letting us watch R rated movies recorded on free HBO weekend. At the time I though he was much better than my boring father.Now with adult hindsight, I now know he was "dad who should have taken better care of his family" and not had so many toys.
  • Dave Has to be Indy 500. Many more leaders and front passes than NASCAR, and Monaco is unwatchable with the inability to pass on that circuit.
  • Jeff How did the discussion get from an article about a 56 billion dollar pay package for Elon Musk to a proposal to charge a per mile tax on EVs in California or paying increase registration on vehicles to make up for lost gas tax revenue? I thought such a discussion would better fit Matt's Gas Wars series.
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