Introducing Our Long-Term C-Max, Yo

Jack Baruth
by Jack Baruth
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introducing our long term c max yo

TTAC’s making the big time now! Sure, the dweebs over at Motor Trend are currently driving a free Kia Optima, Nissan Frontier, Nissan Altima, MINI Cooper Coupe, Chrysler 300S, Acura ILX, VW Passat, Kia Rio, Subaru BRZ, Acura RDX, BMW 328i and a 650i Gran Coupe, but we’ve finally managed to snag a totally free hybrid wagon to run our “gophers” and our “YouTube engineers” and our “guys who submitted to violations of the most personal kind so they could attend overseas press launches for certain German sedans” to all the finest restaurants and yoga centers.

Just kidding.

Of course we had to pay for the f**king thing.

“We” in this case is also a somewhat tenuous concept. Your humble E-I-C’s babymomma* decided to step out of her Ford Edge SEL AWD lease a little early due to a certain ennui and some considerable annoyance with the egg-shaped Ford’s amazing thirst for fuel. I could feel her pain. When driven on identical loops with my Town Car, the Edge continually returned worse mileage. So much for twin-cam progress and unibody construction, am I right? One of her employees is currently enjoying a Tuscon so she was on the way to the Hyundai dealer when my son and I stepped in to demand she keep it semi-Euro. I had the kid coached to refer to the Tuscon as “the fugly frog” but it never came to that. After a quick drive in the C-Max it was a done deal. She’s already very efficient at using MyFordTouch and likes the various Ford interfaces that are somewhat similar between the Edge and the Focus-based tall wagon.

She picked a “303 package” with the additional panoramic roof. For an MSRP of $33,235 the C-Max does everything beside park itself. No, wait, it parks itself. I thought that as a former owner of various high-speed hardware including three different turbo Volkswagens and a Mopar Stage 3 SRT-4 she’d find the hybrid drivetrain wayyyy too slow, but it turns out she is fascinated with the leaves that grow on the screen and the Prius-alike hybrid power display. She brought the C-Max home tonight and made the mistake of letting my son see her swipe her foot beneath the bumper to open and close the rear door. In a flash he’d popped the thing open, swung his foot a second time, and hopped in the cargo area ahead of the closing hatch “for hiding time”.

Full disclosure here: I asked Ford for employee pricing on this vehicle, citing my immense status in the business and the fact that I once stood next to Dutch Mandel while they were handing out ice cream at an auto show display, but I was told to go stuff myself, with particular reference to the Lincoln MKZ review recently penned by TTAC’s Lion of Judah, Derek Kreindler. Turns out the babymomma can cut a sharp deal without my help so her lease cost is well under $500 a month for a high-mileage, nothing-down three-year term.

Ford’s high-priced Prius competitor has come in for a lot of criticism since its introduction so I’ll be keeping close tabs on quality control issues, driveability, and that raison d’etre of hybrid fuel economy. Naturally, we’ll report all the news that’s fit to print, a task made easier by the fact that we aren’t indebted to a manufacturer for the car or anything having to do with it. Stay tuned!

* Okay, she’s not my babymomma. She’s my ex-wife. We’d been married for well over a decade when my son was born within the confines of legal wedlock and so on and so forth. All very conventional and boring. But I say “babymomma” because it upsets the guys who still live with their parents and read “The Car Lounge” all day and haven’t figured out how to inseminate anything more complex than a Hot Pocket. Come on, guys! At least step up to the Tenga EasyBeat! (Warning: link contains sexual situations that will be unfamiliar to the vast majority of Honda S2000 owners)

Jack Baruth
Jack Baruth

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  • HotPotato HotPotato on Oct 07, 2013

    Speaking of chocolate brown! The Escape is available in a dark brown with gold metallic flakes. Why don't they offer the C-Max in that color? Brown is, after all, the appropriate color for a car shaped like a potato. If I had stupid money, I'd totally repaint my C-Max brown...

  • DanielCTA DanielCTA on Nov 13, 2013

    So JB, where's the three month status update. I'm sure MotorTrend would have provided two updates by now but I'm expecting yours will have more value than two of theirs.

  • Analoggrotto Buyers are skipping these in droves and heading down to sign the golden paperwork for a new Telluride. ATPs speak volumes and we have 'em. Our customers are telling us that we offer Mercedes quality for a better deal, and our suite of luxury features rivals any luxury automaker. Insult me all you want, but AVMs, DSDs and BSODs tell the truth.
  • Ted Lulis The Exodus from California is mind-boggling. No surprise from the rectum of the country
  • Mr Imperial Seeing the adjusted-for-inflation amount always makes me sick, I can't believe how much it has gone up in my 40-some-odd trips around the sun. Still fondly remember seeing these and Ford Explorers everywhere.
  • Kyl65759578 👋
  • ToolGuy I appreciate the thoughtful comments from the little people here, and I would like to remind everyone that Ford Motor Company offers a full range of vehicles which are ideal for any driving environment including New York City. The size and weight our of product portfolio has been fully and completely optimized to be friendly to the planet and friendly to pedestrians while consuming the bare minimum of resources from our precious planet (I am of course a lifelong environmentalist). Plus, our performance models will help you move forward and upward by conquering obstacles and limits such as congestion and your fellow humans more quickly at a higher rate of speed. I invite you to learn more at our website.Signed, William Clay Ford Jr.