Hammer Time: Your Worst Deal Ever

There is an old saying that, “Victory has a hundred fathers. But defeat is an orphan.” JFK has been attributed to having said this quote right after the Bay of Pigs with the word ‘thousand’ replacing ‘hundreds’. But the truth is that those words originated from a far worse time. Count Galeazzo Ciano, the Foreign Minister to Benito Musolini, was the one who may have popularized this saying. Or it could have been the peasants of his hometown. Or perhaps his parents. To be frank, I think most philosophical sayings originate from parents while they’re raising their kids.

What does this have to do with our cars? Well, in our modern world we call cars that start 99.5% of the time, “Bad!”. Cars are usually more reliable than the kids and adults who drive them… and why not? Reliability is a given today just as plastic has become an acceptable interior adornment in most cars.

Durability is also a given as well. Yesterday’s 150,000 miles is now trumped by today’s 250,000 miles. Let’s be blunt about it. Most cars, if properly taken care of, can last well beyond our willingness to keep them.

But there are exceptions…

The worst car I ever bought was a silver 1999 VW Beetle with the 1.8 Liter turbocharged engine. That engine in given co-billing with the car for a reason. Within 300 miles of purchasing it, the turbo blew up. This German ‘katastrophe’ was a complete rolling turd of German cost containment, to the point of having Cheech and Chong levels of smoke flowing through the tailpipe and onto oncoming traffic once the trubo went.

The turbo was replaced. A full-tune up given along with the obligatory MAF sensor. Then the automatic transmission started bucking (another major substandard component in early VW Beetles) and the odometer cluster decided to become a virtual Christmas tree of lights. Every time I started it, the dashboard greeted me with some new bright color that would encourage a few more hundred dollars to leave my wallet.

I ended up recycling it through an auction and lost about $2000 on it. By far my worst loss ever.

But I’m one of the lucky guys. When I buy a vehicular Beelzebub, I can broom it to a nearby auction and drive something else. Most other owners are far less able to let go of their daily transportation.They need to get around and make a living. So with that in mind, what was your worst deal ever?

I’m not talking about just a single week or month with a fallen angel that had four wheels. I am talking about the type of car that sucks the very happiness out of you through the grind of months and years of vehicular brutality.

Was it a VW? A Chevy? Did some old Yota turn into an evil jedi? Or was it a Hummer that brought dozens of flipping birds and hundreds of lost c-notes into your life. Today’s best story will receive nothing more than laughter and gratitude. Along with a free drink and conversation if you ever find yourself in the Atlanta area. Share your past sorrows… but enjoy the day!