And the Real Winner Is…

Murilee Martin
by Murilee Martin

I’m in the passenger seat of the very bouncy ’97 Ford F250 LeMons Department of Highway De-Beautification Vehicle as I write this, heading up I-5 after one of the best races of the ’11 season, and I’m unable to dredge my depleted brain for the parts of speech necessary to do justice to Unununium Legend of LeMons Spank‘s achievements this weekend.

Spank combined four extraordinarily terrible European cars (Simca 1204, Austin America, turbocharged Austin Mini, Mini Moke) and a crew comprised of arrive-and-drives from all over the country to keep at least one car on the track at all times. The America had a replacement engine driven down from Seattle (just over 1,000 miles) after the original engine blew up during Friday’s practice, the turbo Mini had the front suspension from a semi-similar Austin Metro swapped in on Saturday, and the Simca and the Mini nuked their engines on the checkered flag lap. All in all, it was the Class C Onslaught Spank promised.

And so the Index of Effluency, LeMons racing’s top prize, goes to Spank, his Class C Onslaught posse, and his four indescribably effluent cars. Congratulations, Spank and the Class C Onslaught!

Murilee Martin
Murilee Martin

Murilee Martin is the pen name of Phil Greden, a writer who has lived in Minnesota, California, Georgia and (now) Colorado. He has toiled at copywriting, technical writing, junkmail writing, fiction writing and now automotive writing. He has owned many terrible vehicles and some good ones. He spends a great deal of time in self-service junkyards. These days, he writes for publications including Autoweek, Autoblog, Hagerty, The Truth About Cars and Capital One.

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  • CJinSD CJinSD on Dec 05, 2011

    Is that a Spitfire between the Moke and the Mini? Was it run by a different team?

  • Chuck Goolsbee Chuck Goolsbee on Dec 06, 2011

    I captured the moment when the Simca overtook the limo down the pit straight. The noise from the frogmobile was epic. The best part of this team's weekend was having one of their drivers shrink-wrapped to the Mini with a megaphone and forced to drive around the paddock confessing to all of us that he was "a VERY bad driver." Best. Penalty. Ever.

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  • Michael Gallagher I agree to a certain extent but I go back to the car SUV transition. People began to buy SUVs because they were supposedly safer because of their larger size when pitted against a regular car. As more SUVs crowded the road that safety advantage began to dwindle as it became more likely to hit an equally sized SUV. Now there is no safety advantage at all.
  • Probert The new EV9 is even bigger - a true monument of a personal transportation device. Not my thing, but credit where credit is due - impressive. The interior is bigger than my house and much nicer with 2 rows of lounge seats and 3rd for the plebes. 0-60 in 4.5 seconds, around 300miles of range, and an e-mpg of 80 (90 for the 2wd). What a world.
  • Ajla "Like showroom" is a lame description but he seems negotiable on the price and at least from what the two pictures show I've dealt with worse. But, I'm not interested in something with the Devil's configuration.
  • Tassos Jong-iL I really like the C-Class, it reminds me of some trips to Russia to visit Dear Friend VladdyPoo.