BMW Offically Enters Chip-Tuning Business

Jack Baruth
by Jack Baruth
bmw offically enters chip tuning business

When the E90/92 335i was introduced and every tuner in the world promptly released “chips” or reflashes that enabled the twin-turbo straight-six to belt out four hundred horses or more at the rear wheels, BMW became very indignant about the idea of “chipping” their cars. Time and again, we were assured that BMW was extracting the maximum safe performance from their engines, and that retuning them could only lead to sorrow.

Oops! Turns out it’s probably just fine, as long as the tuner in question is BMW itself.

For a mere $550 — which in BMW-Option-Land ain’t much — your new single-turbo 335i or 135i can be turned into a “Performance Edition”. You’ll get a different-colored grille, a set of classy badges, and a bump in power from 300hp to 320. Given the raw cost to BMW of this option (perhaps $10 for the badges) it represents real value to everyone involved.

What if, however, you were so unlucky as to have already purchased a single-turbo “3.5”? Don’t worry. The major durability and reliability improvements BMW no doubt made to this engine for the purpose of supporting the additional twenty horses can be retroactively applied to your car. Pricing for that hasn’t been announced yet, but anything about $550 would represent grand larceny, since we’re probably just talking about reflashing the ECU.

This aptly-named “Performance Package” is sure to improve BMW’s fiscal performance in the second half of 2011, and it will serve as a boon to BMW-forum members who like to include a lot of information in their “sigs”. Observe the hypothetical “sig” below:

Username: AutobahnSpeedRennMeister

2011 BMW 335i Coupe with Luxury, Sport, SportLux, LuxSport, Safety, Accessibility, Entertainment, Shadowline, Chromeline, Information, Comfort, DongComp, And Performance Packages

Ordered 7/22/2011

Delivered 7/24/2011 (LOLZ I got xtra fast delivery from Germany)

Blind-Iiiiz Clear Corner Lampz

BahnWerkxz 22×12 wheels

Nexen Cheep-0 tires in 315/20TR22

95% tint all the way around

DygitalDymensionz iPod cable

HarrrdParkin BahnBurner Aerokit

Creep-E-Jackalope-Eyez headlight eyebrows

Stikkon BonnetBulgez

BahnFahrt 4″ cat-back exhaust

Dominating a left lane near UUUU!

You get the idea? Don’t wait. Your BMW dealer is waiting to collect your money.

Join the conversation
2 of 7 comments
  • Detroit-Iron Detroit-Iron on Jul 22, 2011

    Two questions: 1) When they flash the ECU do they also replace the fuel pump with one that can actually support 320 horse? 2) How much was the HarrrdParkin BahnBurner Aerokit? I want to put that on my de-badged 125i.

  • Stryker1 Stryker1 on Jul 22, 2011

    "Dominating a left lane near UUUU!" Oh man... Where did you find my sig?

  • Inside Looking Out This is actually the answer to the question I asked not that long ago.
  • Inside Looking Out Regarding "narrow windows" - the trend is that windows will eventually be replaced by big OLED screens displaying some exotic place or may even other planet.
  • Robert I have had 4th gen 1996 model for many years and enjoy driving as much now as when I first purchased it - has 190 hp variant with just the right amount of power for most all driving situations!
  • ToolGuy Meanwhile in Germany...
  • Donald More stuff to break god I love having a nanny in my truck... find a good tuner and you can remove most of the stupid stuff they add like this and auto park when the doors open stupid stuff like that