The MetaCars Week In Review

Justin Berkowitz
by Justin Berkowitz
the metacars week in review

Man Who Voluntarily Chose to Buy GMC Canyon Elected to U.S. Senate


Voters in Massachusetts have chosen a man who bought a GMC Canyon as their next representative to the U.S. Senate

According to reports, Senator-Elect Scott Brown voluntarily purchased the 5-cylinder truck, with either his own money or a bank loan. “As far as we know, there was no coercion involved in Brown’s purchase of the vehicle, the worst truck in America” said Sgt. Pete Malloy, of the Boston Police Department.

The GMC Canyon, based on an Isuzu design and featuring the world’s worst engine currently in production, has typically been the truck of choice of people who “You wouldn’t trust to buy your groceries, let alone vote on foreign policy,” remarked Evan Smith of the think tank and publisher Council on Foreign Relations.

Voters apparently didn’t mind Brown’s choice of Canyon, however. Amanda Eisler, 23, of Springfield told MetaCars, “I don’t see how his choice of car is important. Senator Brown is like real smart and has good judgment, just like my dad.” When asked, Eisler said her father is also an auto enthusiast. “He’s got a Suzuki Verona and a Chrysler Sebring sedan.”

American Car Fan Says Next Year is the Year He’ll Finally Get into F1

An American auto enthusiast says next year it the year he’ll finally ‘get into’ Formula One racing.

“It’s always on all the blogs and I feel like I should watch. Fast cars are involved – you know I love fast cars. Last year I tried but fell asleep. The year before a lot of the races were on at 3AM, and I didn’t wake up for my alarm,” said Paul Mann, 31, of Miami, FL.

Formula One races, long considered some of the most watched sporting events in the world, are not popular in America. MetaCars spoke with media expert Jeffrey Moore for his opinion. “It’s a bit like soccer really. Everybody plays soccer as a kid, the same way that we all drive cars. Then we all say we’re going to follow the international professional versions, like FIFA and F1. But you try it and it’s just too damn boring.”

MINI: Shoppers Clamoring For Expensive Four Seat Crossovers

MINI has revealed its next model, the Countryman, a four seat crossover that is promised to be even more popular than the MINI Clubfoot.

“People are just demanding four seat crossover vehicles. Headroom and seating have been excessive in cars for too many years. The Countryman will help the market correction with fewer seats, less headroom, general feelings of crampedness, and a high price tag,” said spokesman Herman Scofield.

BMW says has taken everything it has learned from vehicles like the 1-Series hatch and X6 in crafting this new Countryman, which promises to be even more cramped inside than it looks. “We have all sorts of innovations to waste the interior space,” explains Scofield, “The seats are funny shapes. Weird round plastic panels will cut into the cargo area. In fact, with the rear seats in use, there is no cargo area. Do you have any idea how hard that was to engineer?”

American buyers are particularly excited at the opportunity to pay $20,000-$30,000 for a vehicle with four seats and 120 horsepower. “My BMW 318ti is on its last legs, and the 138 horsepower is way more than I can use. This is the kind of vehicle I have been waiting for. I think I can count on the AWD to slow it down enough as well,” observes Scott Haldon, 41, of South Attleboro, MA.

Area Man May Not Finish Project Car This Year

A Des Moines, Iowa man may not finish his project car this year, much to

the disappointment of his wife. David Richards, 48, just doesn’t think he can get his 1969 AMC Ambassador done in 2010, let alone by his original goal of the spring or summer. “We were hoping to use it as a nice summer cruiser. But I have to be realistic. I might be only 18 or 19% done,” said Richards — who seemed confident in the precision of his estimate.

Richards’ wife, according to neighbors, is unhappy about the delay. “She was yelling at him last night. I could hear it from the backyard. She kept asking when he was going to get that rusty piece of junk out of the garage so she can park her car in there for the winter.”

This is not the first time Richards has had to delay the completion of his AMC Ambassador project. In the spring of 2007 and the summer of 2008 he also was unable to meet restoration deadlines. Richards cites his primary problems as being a lack of time, money, and available parts, and also the fact that the Ambassador is “seriously rusting to nothing.”

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  • Mr Carpenter Mr Carpenter on Jan 25, 2010

    You know what? Sarcasm aside, there ARE an awful lot of people who are sick / get sick from choices THEY themselves make. That's plain fact. My wife, a nurse, gets to see the results of life-decisions every day. Like the one guy who lives off of the rest of us (he's "disabled" on Social Security at age 45 because he is an alcoholic) and who chooses to live in a van, so he doesn't have to spend any of "his" money on rent - but buys more booze. Then of course, there are those who have sexual addictions who damage their bodies (as well as other peoples') often ending up with the innocent baby being murdered before birth. Not to mention those folks who can't control their eating. We haven't even talked about smoking yet. My wife says "why should the folks who work hard and live clean lives involuntarily have to give up money to support addicts/idiots? Aren't we simply "enabling" them to continue to damage themselves and others?" And I have to agree with her assessment. Now, that doesn't mean that people shouldn't have medical insurance when they earn it. Not at all. But a lot of folks aren't poor because they didn't have a chance to make something of themselves (after all, people coming from 3rd world countries to America can become millionares through hard work and many have done so). Mostly people live the lives they choose for themselves. Sad fact, but fact nevertheless. Yes some poor people are simply lazy "no accounts". In days past, they'd have been chicken thieves.

    • Christy Garwood Christy Garwood on Jan 25, 2010

      With all due respect, Mr Carpenter, many homeless people are mentally ill and can no more help that fact than the non-smoker who contracts lung cancer. With regard to addiction to substances such as alcohol, again, this could very well be a disease of the mind or an attempt to quell the rigors of other mental illnesses. No doubt, there are lazy, shiftless people in the world. But look deeper into some people's lives and you might be surprised at how difficult it is to overcome the circumstances of their impoverished births. I wish the best of health to you and your family.

  • VanillaDude VanillaDude on Jan 25, 2010

    What a candidate drives makes a statement. Obama is now driving Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang!

  • Skippity “Things To Watch Out For When Buying a 1979 Mercury Cougar XR-7.” A 1979 Mercury Cougar XR-7.
  • Mike Beranek Would you cross this man? No way!
  • Skippity I kinda like styling. There’s plenty of lookalike boxes on the road. Nice to see something unique.
  • Make_light I drive a 2015 A4 and had one of these as a loaner once. It was a huge disappointment (and I would have considered purchasing one as my next car--I'm something of a small crossover apologist). The engine sounded insanely coarse and unrefined (to the point that I wasn't sure if it was poor insulation or there was something wrong with my loaner). The seats, interior materials, and NVH were a huge downgrade compared to my dated A4. I get that they are a completely different class of car, but the contrast struck me. The Q3 just didn't feel like a luxury vehicle at all. Friends of mine drive a Tiguan and I can't think of one way in which the Q3 feels worth the extra cost. My mom's CX-5 is better than either in every conceivable way.
  • Arthur Dailey Personally I prefer a 1970s velour interior to the leather interior. And also prefer the instrument panel and steering wheel introduced later in the Mark series to the ones in the photograph. I have never seen a Mark III or IV with a 'centre console'. Was that even an option for the Mark IV? Rather than bucket seats they had the exceptional and sorely missed 60/40 front seating. The most comfortable seats of all for a man of a 'certain size'. In retrospect this may mark the point when Cadillac lost it mojo. Through the early to mid/late 70's Lincoln surpassed Cadillac in 'prestige/pride of place'. Then the 'imports' took over in the 1980s with the rise of the 'yuppies'.
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