By on January 16, 2010

Zeta, baby!Tourists Flock to Detroit For GM’s Annual “We’re Importing the Holden Commodore” Festival

Detroit in January. Car fans may think of the North American International Auto Show, but there are thousands of tourists in town to attend festivities for GM’s annual announcement that it will be importing the Holden Commodore sport sedan from Australia.

Similar to the Burning Man Festival in Black Rock City, Nevada, the Commodore importation event has grown dramatically over the past several years. It draws huge crowds of idealists and enthusiasts for days of partying and fun, culminating with GM’s announcement that it is again looking at importing the Holden Commodore into the United States for sale under one of its American brands.

General Motors supports the event, and even contributes. “We try to come up with a good theme for every year,” said GM spokesman Hal Steiner. “Instead of just saying that the Commodore is coming, we will say that the Sport Wagon version is on its way. Or that every model will offer a six-speed manual transmission. Or that we’re looking at Buick to bring in long-wheelbase luxury versions like the Buick Park Avenue in China.”

This year, General Motors is planning to announce that the Commodore will come to the United States as a premium Chevrolet sedan, and also as an El Camino-style pickup.

“The nice thing, Steiner told MetaCars, “is that people can have until June or July to think it’s true. We’ll go back on our statements then, but by that point it’s only another six months until the next year’s Commodore Import Festival!”Any day now...

Congressional Budget Office Estimates It Can Get that Project Car Done for “Just a Few Grand”

A new report from the Congressional Budget Office estimates that the government shouldn’t have too much of a problem getting that project car done over the winter for just a few thousands dollars, despite having no real experience restoring cars.

The project car in question, a white 1973 two-door Chevy Nova parked at a gas station in town, “couldn’t possibly need that much work” and according to the CBO “would be fun to take down to the beach come the summer.”

Some were surprised that the CBO report downplayed the threat posed by the rust on the lower part of the doors and on the trunk, as well as the cracks in the dashboard. “It’s just a little surface rust,” the report said optimistically “We’re confident that the rest of the car doesn’t suffer from systemic and malignant rust on major structural components. Although we haven’t exactly checked it out for sure yet.”

Concluding the report, the CBO’s chief analyst Miles Brooks said “Look, we can do a quick respray at Maaco or whatever, those are pretty cheap. We suspect we can find any necessary replacement parts on eBay. After all, it’s a Chevy from the early 70s. There are probably loads of them out in junkyards and stuff.”

Exciting, Daring New Asks “Do Your Car Keys Weigh Too Much?”

The popular enthusiast website,, has published yet another exciting new article since the site’s enthusiast-oriented revamp, this one entitled “Do Your Car Keys Weight Too Much?

Fans had criticized Jalopnik for becoming to focused on press releases, boring cars and banal news, prompting Editor-in-Chief Ray Wert III to pen “The Awesomeness Manifesto,” a mission statement that promised “When it comes to news reporting, we need to be breaking stories by shining a light on the dark underbelly of the automotive world.”

Luckily, this new story asking whether “Your Car Keys Weight Too Much” is exactly what Wert had been promising and what the site’s fans were hoping for. It says, in part, “to prevent long-term wear on our ignitions, we separate our car keys from our general key chains, leaving just the car key and key fob to place as little load as possible on the ignition.”

There should be – nay, there need to be – more websites willing to be so bold.

Toyota Camry SE

Authorities No Closer to Identifying Buyers of Toyota Camry SE Models

Authorities are no closer to identifying the buyers of Toyota Camry SE “sporty” models, sources inside the government told MetaCars last night.

The “sporty performance” SE trim level for the Camry is available with either of the engine options, starting with $24,400 for a 2.5 liter 4-cylinder engine with 179 horsepower and a smooth-shifting automatic transmission and features 17-inch sporty alloy wheels.

Unfortunately, the buyers of these Camry models have eluded authorities for several months now. “What I want to know is, who pays $24,400 for a sporty Toyota Camry with a 4-cylinder engine and an automatic transmission?” said Federal Agent Carol Ramirez, who commented on the condition of anonymity.

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6 Comments on “The MetaCars Week In Review...”

  • avatar

    I’ve driven one of those 4 cylinder Camry SEs. I’d shoot myself if forced to own one.

  • avatar

    The worst bit is how accurate the “Commodore speculation of the week” is.
    Actually, no, the worst bit is how much of the autoblogopshere laps stuff like this up readily.  It makes me despair for the state of critical thinking.
    I await the day that, say, Autoblog or Jalopnik (or better yet, C&D) posts a Metacars entry as truth.  I mean, it’s already happened to The Onion

    • 0 avatar

      I think it is more like when a hockey blog posts something like “Toronto Maple Leafs to be Serious Stanley Cup Contender this Season”.
      Everyone pretty knows that it isn’t true, but they want to believe it’s true, and like to discuss the possibilities.

  • avatar

    GM to import the Commodore (again) ranks up there with Ford America to export Ford Fusion/Taurus to Australia to wean those aussie’s off rwd cars because we can’t afford to let an outpost out-engineer us.

    • 0 avatar

      Bringing the Japanese designed Fusion (previous generation Mazda 6) and Swedish designed Taurus (previous generation Volvo S80) to Australia will really show them how the Americans do it.

      The Commodore based Camaro is still on sale in the US.  The problem wasn’t really the engineering, Chrysler moves a decent amount of low price RWD sedans, it was the foreign exchange and transport issues with brining the G8 from Australia, as opposed to bringing the Camaro (or RWD Chryslers) from Canada.

      Actually, I’m going to start a new fake rumor right now: 4-door Canadian Camaro badged as Impala SS for 2011!

  • avatar

    But I really want a Sportwagon!

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