E85 Boondoggle Of The Day: Conquest Knight XV
There should be no doubt in anyone’s mind that giant fuel-swilling dinosaurs are as American as fake boobs. So it stands to reason that giant, fuel-swilling dinosaurs powered by federally-subsidized, mileage-reducing, corn-based fuels must be more American still. The only thing such a vehicle needs to achieve an apotheosis of American automotive excess is a 10k pound curb weight and enough armor to make Saturday night joyrides through Fallujah as drama-free as the invasion of Grenada. This bold vision of an America with unlimited energy and enemies was made real today, when Conquest Vehicles unveiled their Knight XV luxury armored SUV. And where else would this happen, but in Las Vegas, at the annual SEMA show? The $300k Knight XV is built on a Ford Super Duty platform, powered by a 6.8-liter Ford V-10, making 400 to 500hp depending on how many oil wells you own. This beast is DOT certified (certifiable?), fully armored. It boasts night vision camera systems and a 2000w audio system (Ride of the Valkyries, anyone?). Oh right, and it’s “environmentally friendly.” As in flex-fuel capable. Because nothing says you care like a corn-juice-powered luxury armored car.
More by Edward Niedermeyer
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cretinx Stop by the surplus store on the way home and buy a few dozen kevlar vests. Duct tape them inside the body panels and tada, armoured SUV on the cheap. Just hope the bad guys don't aim at the windows.
I wonder if you could drive it underwater. Tell the owner I want to try it. Right down a boat ramp.