Your Guide to the Superbowl of Auto Ads

Do you like violent land acquisition games? You're in luck! And we even know the ad schedule for this weekend's Bowl of Superness; the playbook leaked out onto the net (was it secret to begin with?). Not surprisingly– considering the perks (Percs?) bestowed upon the top brass funding the athletic endeavor– the auto industry will be attempting to divert you from the salsa. The cost for 30-seconds of your (and a billion of your friends') time: $2.7m. Or less. Here's the run down.

First Quarter:

Audi finally unleashes the ad that's supposed to redefine luxury: "Audi selected The Godfather as a thematic foundation for its Super Bowl ad because the film expresses the idea of a new power rising in an established hierarchy." Stop smoking the ad crack boys; the Godfather is about a bunch of hoodlums killing hoodlums to become the top hoodlums. How's that for a business plan? Cars.com uses their 30 seconds of fame to persuade you to visit their slow, boring, bloated website to increase your buying confidence. I'm not hotlinking their page because I'd have to call it tepid-linking, and that doesn't sound right. Bridgestone will remind you that tires are important, and theirs are worth buying.

Second quarter:

Rumor had it that Chevy was going to try to keep viewers from heading to the toilet by explaining the transition from gas-friendly to gas-free. Now GM's spot will show one or more hybrids from Chevy, Saturn or GMC. Toyota will debut the new Corolla. Here's hoping the game is still exciting.

Third Quarter:

More Bridgestone, then more Cars.com. The Cars.com ad will include Alice Cooper and Richard Simmons having sex in a Chevrolet HHR. Or something like that. Hyundai really will attempt to redefine luxury, launching the new Genesis rear wheel-drive budget luxury sedan. The ad will attempt to make Mercedes, BMW and Lexus owners feel like they're suckers. Hyundai will take a second bite of the advertising apple to present… It's OK honey, I'll get the beer.

Fourth Quarter:

Toyota's 30-second spot about the Sequoia will be "family focused." As Toyota is already airing a family focused Sequoia ad, perhaps they're moving from high mileage to recycling.

[See the rundown here. TTAC will provide post-game Audi ad analysis on Monday]