#PressReleases

Jaguar has delivered its first I-Pace electric crossover in North America, a little ahead of next month’s retail sales, to a picture-perfect family living in Florida. Who are these fortunate environmentalists? None other than Lakewood Ranch residents Mark and Holly Pascarella, according to Jaguar Land Rover’s Tuesday press release and the multitude of auto outlets that reported it as news without commentary.

“When you have a family of five you always need space, so we were looking for an SUV,” explained Mr. Pascarella. “We’ve always had a seven-passenger SUV, but one of my daughters just went off to college, so now a five-passenger SUV will be large enough. When I looked at the I-PACE I could see that it was a typical first-class product made by Jaguar, with top of the line appointments and great looks. It doesn’t look like a typical SUV, and on top of that, being electric was very appealing.”

Based on Mark’s very natural and clearly unprompted manner of speaking, it certainly sounds like the perfect automotive product for families living in a city with an average household income of $100,991 — which, coincidentally, is exactly the case in Lakewood Range, Florida. Plus, it has that coveted electric appeal, allowing you to indicate you’re environmentally conscious when you aren’t firing up your other Jaguar’s 5.0-liter V8 every morning.

One thousand, six hundred and fifty-three words.

That may not sound like a lot. The reviews and features we publish at TTAC routinely go beyond that. Alex Dykes, when he really sweats the details, can easily reach 3,000 words in his reviews. Jack, when he isn’t even trying, will end up writing 1,600 words on a Matrix — just because. My reviews will easily eclipse the 2,000 word mark, even as I sit here complaining about not knowing what to say.

But 1,653 words equals approximately 8 minutes and 12 seconds of reading time, according to Read-o-Meter. That also may not seem like much, but the latest press release for the “all-new 2017 Mercedes-Benz GLS” is a massive time waster, even at its sub-10 minute read time.

Why? Because the only two things I learned from it were: Mercedes-Benz has renamed and slightly updated the GLS, and Mercedes-Benz writes press releases that are at least five times longer than they need to be.