Ace of Beast: 2018 Rezvani Tank
Yes, clearly this is a ridiculous flight of fancy. However, like a lot of things in life – such as the Dodge Charger Hellcat and hamburgers with grilled cheese sandwiches as buns – the good stuff often is.
Rezvani is based out of Orange County in California, making a brace of sports cars and the roided-up Jeep Wrangler/FJ Cruiser amalgam shown here. Let’s see what a no-option Tank brings to the table. At $178,000, this will surely be the most expensive Ace of Base… in the world.
Rezvani has a familiar Chrysler engine, namely a 6.4-liter V8 cranking out 500 horsepower. The website describes its base motor as a 3.6-liter V6 – the Pentastar, no doubt – but Rezvani’s own build and price tool simply shows the hairy-chested SRT mill for the base price of $178,000.
Weighing 4,300 pounds before the addition of armor plating (yes, this thing can be optioned as a bulletproof machine), it spans a full 196 inches. That’s about a foot longer than the Jeep Wrangler Unlimited on which it is based.
Warlords and despots can opt the aforementioned ballistic armor for as little as *ahem* $45,000. Such an outlay of cash will allegedly protect occupants from rounds fired from a handgun. Safety against armor piercing rounds will cost you $97,000 in addition to the $178,000 base price. Protection from one’s enemies doesn’t come cheap, it seems.
In a fit of generosity (or maybe the folks at Rezvani read this Ace of Base series), every shade of paint is offered at $0. A thermal night vision system is also available for $5,500, allowing drivers to track down peasants hiding in the shrubbery.
Looking for a quick escape over rough terrain? Rezvani will gladly outfit your Tank with an Off Road Extreme Suspension, which adds a 6-inch lift and 37-inch tires to the already brutish machine. Gnarly shocks and uprated brakes are provided in the $12,500 option package. An air compressor is listed but this author found it unclear whether it will automatically reinflate tires shot out by attacking mercenaries.
The end of the world doesn’t mean one has to do without life’s luxuries, so Rezvani thoughtfully adds colored seat stitching and leather floor mats as stand-alone options. A $2,500 Alpine unit with CarPlay is also optional, despite the fact that all terrestrial and satellite radio stations will have gone dark once the world ends.
Is the Rezvani Tank an Ace of Base, then? Surely not, given that a check-all-the-boxes example tops out north of $300k. Besides, ballistic armor offering protection against armor-piercing rounds will definitely be at the top of my list when shopping for a new car after the planet is turned into a wasteland in the style of Fallout 4. Travis from Diamond City Radio would be proud.
[Image: Rezvani Automotive Designs]
Not every base model has aced it. This one has not … but the ones which have? They help make the automotive landscape a lot better. Any others you can think of, B&B? Let us know in the comments. Naturally, feel free to eviscerate our selections.
The model above is shown with American options and is priced in Freedom Dollars. As always, your dealer may sell for less.
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- ToolGuy Seems pretty reasonable to me. (Sorry)
- Luke42 When I moved from Virginia to Illinois, the lack of vehicle safety inspections was a big deal to me. I thought it would be a big change.However, nobody drives around in an unsafe car when they have the money to get their car fixed and driving safely.Also, Virginia's inspection regimine only meant that a car was safe to drive one day a year.Having lived with and without automotive safety inspections, my confusion is that they don't really matter that much.What does matter is preventing poverty in your state, and Illinois' generally pro-union political climate does more for automotive safety (by ensuring fair wages for tradespeople) than ticketing poor people for not having enough money to maintain their cars.
- ToolGuy When you are pulled over for speeding, whether you are given a ticket or not should depend on how attractive you are.Source: My sister 😉
- Kcflyer What Toyota needs is a true full size body on frame suv to compete with the Expedition and Suburban and their badge engineered brethren. The new sequoia and LX are too compromised in capacity by their off road capabilities that most buyers will never use.
- ToolGuy Rock crushes scissors, scissors cut paper, paper covers rock, and drywall dents sheet metal.
When I saw title I though it is Iranian company that makes tanks preferably under Russian license to invade Israel or Iraq. How disappointing, it is a car company in CA of all the places.
"Let’s see what a no-option Tank brings to the table. At $178,000, this will surely be the most expensive Ace of Base… in the world." I can't read sentences like these without thinking them in a Jeremy Clarkson voice.