Piston Slap: LS4-FTW, or Much Ado "Abboud" Nothing?

Sajeev Mehta
by Sajeev Mehta
piston slap ls4 ftw or much ado abboud nothing

Duncan writes:

Sajeev,

OK, I’ll bite on your request for more queries. Here’s a couple:

  1. I recently purchased a 2015 Genesis Coupe. I’ve swapped out the stock air intake for the R2C if, for no other reason, than to get rid of the sound tube pumping noise into the car. (At least there wasn’t an accompanying audio soundtrack. Looking at you, BMW.) The car rips at the top end (yeah, I know, for a V6… I know my place on the food chain), but I was wondering what you would recommend to boost low-end torque. I’m not looking for a supercharger-grade improvement; just a bit more off the line.
  2. My parents have offered to give me their 2002 Buick Regal GS Joseph Abboud Edition (low miles, driven to church on Sunday). It’s tempting to take it on as a project car. Assuming I acquire their sleeper and have $3,000 to spend on performance improvements, what should I do first… and second? Do you even try to address the handling, or do you just shrug it off and go for moar powah?

Keep up the good work!

Sajeev answers:

Quick and easy for the Genesis: After you read this fantastic write up on gencoupe.com, find an ECU tuner that can promise you an improvement in low-end torque. The factory tune often limits it for safety and emissions reasons, hence the need for a quality aftermarket tune.

Sometimes, though less often in the last 10+ years, the factory exhaust manifolds are a significant low-end torque restriction. Since damn near all modern engines have brilliantly designed cast manifolds, I doubt headers shall help, but researching deeper than Google never killed anyone. Or not, because you’ve maxed out the Genesis’ 3.8 without resorting to forced induction, NOS kits, or more displacement.

Hence the need for:

That’s right, son! Can you smell what the Abboud GS LS4-FTW Regal is cooking? I can!

Now I don’t wanna hear you naysayers suggest an overboosted, supercharged 3.8 V-6 instead. Your valid logic about it being (probably) cheaper and (definitely) easier to install on a GM W-body shall fall on deaf ears. Nor shall you mention the blown V-6 is powerful enough to grenade the (stock) transaxle on the drag strip’s first hard launch, hence no need to trouble yourself for two more cylinders.

Your facts are wholly irrelevant when I recline in the occasionally chocolate brown slipcovers of an Abboud Regal whilst indulging in the sound of a lumpy-cammed LS4.

As a founding member of the Brown Car Appreciation Society, the group that (probably) inspired the brown manual diesel wagon phenomenon, focus your entire life on that Abboud Regal. That whip — from the bad-old days of GM Beancounting when it was okay to cost cut even the Abboud’s uprated Brown trim — deserves a cammed LS4-FTW. It’ll be the best thing about the previous decade of motoring.

So drop everything and neglect everything else until you have The World’s First LS4-FTW Regal GS Abboud. You’ll certainly be my hero.

Send your queries to sajeev@thetruthaboutcars.com. Spare no details and ask for a speedy resolution if you’re in a hurry…but be realistic, and use your make/model specific forums instead of TTAC for more timely advice.


Comments
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44 of 111 comments
  • S2k Chris S2k Chris on Nov 03, 2015

    Abboud? Is that a real thing?? I thought it was the Mens Wearhouse store brand when I bought one of their suits for...something...once for like $300.

    • See 41 previous
    • Drzhivago138 Drzhivago138 on Nov 04, 2015

      @S2k Chris 37" chest, 30" waist. Nothing fits me.

  • Namesakeone Namesakeone on Nov 04, 2015

    Somehow, in the case of the Genesis, I think I would be inclined to leave the car alone, thus to preserve the best part of ANY (new) Hyundai...the 100,000 mile warranty. Any modifications would almost certainly void it.

  • YellowDuck Thank goodness neither one had their feet up on the dash....
  • Zerofoo I learned a long time ago to never buy a heavily modified vehicle. Far too many people lack the necessary mechanical engineering skills to know when they've screwed something up.
  • Zerofoo I was part of this industry during my college years. We built many, many cars for "street pharmacists" that sounded like this.Excessive car audio systems are kind of like 800 HP engines. Completely unnecessary, but a hell of a lot of fun.
  • DedBull In it to win it!
  • Wolfwagen IIRC I remember reading somewhere that the Porsche Cayenne was supposed to have a small gasoline-powered block heater. There was a loop in the cooling system that ran to the heater and when the temperature got to a certain point (0°C)the vehicle's control unit would activate the heater. I dont know if this was a concept or if it ever made it into production.
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