Chrysler Workers Smoke Pot, Drink Beer At Lunch And Don't Give A Freckle About Quality

Bertel Schmitt
by Bertel Schmitt

Some say, TTAC has an anti-Detroit, pro-import slant. We won’t comment on that, you mommy-fraternizing liars. All we can say is: If you harbor these notions, don’t move to Oklahoma. Oklahoma’s largest newspaper, the Oklahoman, dishes out more anti-Detroit snark in a single serving than even a Farago could have cooked-up in his TTAC lifetime. How about calling the former owners of Chrysler unqualified “idiots?” And not the former owners you think of now. Wait, there is worse.

The Oklahoman runs a Dear Abby style investment column, where readers can come to a Malcolm Berko for advice. An F.M., hailing from Troy, Mich, did so. (Why someone from Troy would turn to Oklahoma City’s hometown paper for investment advice is beyond me, but I digress.) F.M. didn’t agree with Berko’s prior opinion that buying GM stock amounts to throwing money away. He (or she) wanted to know whether Chrysler would be a good investment, should it ever go public.

Boy, did F.M. receive an earful of investment advice!

“Dear F.M.: No matter how much perfume you splash on a pig, a pig will always be a pig. The Chrysler culture could never function under Daimler’s superb management, could never emulate Daimler’s skilled work force and could never produce a Daimler-quality product. That’s not how the American automobile industry comports itself.”

“And 10 years later in predictable disgust, Daimler sold 80 percent of Chrysler to Cerberus Capital Management in 2007. And the Cerberus idiots hired Robert “Nasty” Nardelli, who couldn’t make it at GE or Home Depot, to run the company.”

What, no requisite jab at the “merger of equals?” No accusation that vestal & virtuous Chrysler had been raped by Teutonic terrorists who then pillaged her dowry and made off with the cash? Nope. No double quotes around “superb management” either. Now what about an investment into a possible Chrysler share? Over to you, Malcolm:

“One must be mad as a hatter to consider owning a single share of this issue (same for the General Motors issue when it comes public again) because good old new Chrysler won’t have changed enough from good old, old Chrysler.”

“Good old new Chrysler will have the same good old, old workers who still smoke pot and drink beer at lunch and don’t give a freckle about quality. Good old new Chrysler will still be held hostage to the United Auto Workers’ self-serving workplace rules and financial shenanigans. And good old new Chrysler will still be managed by the same corrupt culture of fools who drove the good, old, old Chrysler into bankruptcy.”

“The only profits in this IPO will be made by the Wall Street lawyers, CPAs, advisers and brokerage firms who take this public. And considering our high unemployment numbers and lower consumer incomes, I doubt that Chrysler can sell enough vehicles to produce a profit.”

The deathwatch series continues. In Oklahoma.

P.S.: Turns out this is not an Oklahoman phenomenon. Berko is syndicated all over the place. We need to get more aggressive. Or else the supposedly staid MSM will win the snark war.

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2 of 61 comments
  • Autojunkie Autojunkie on Nov 15, 2010

    Ignorance is bliss

  • Davinp Davinp on Nov 15, 2010

    No wonder Chrysler vehicles are unreliable. Consumer Reports Magazine data shows Chrysler Group vehicle are the least reliable cars, not just of Detroit but of Europe autos. They are at teh bottom of the list. This is why we say dontbuychrysler

  • V16 I'm sure most people could find 155,365 reasons to choose another luxury brand SUV and pocket the difference.
  • ChristianWimmer I don’t want this autonomous driving garbage technology in any car.My main fear is this. Once this technology is perfected, freedom-hating eco hysterical governments (crap hole Germany, UK and the European Union in general) will attempt to ban private car ownership because “you don’t need to own a car anymore since the car can come to you, drop you off and then proceed to service the next customer”... no thanks. Having your own car is FREEDOM.Go away, autonomous driving. I also enjoy the act of driving a car. I want to drive, not be driven.
  • Mike-NB2 The solution is obvious here. Everyone should be raised in an Irish Catholic family and then all it takes is a sideways glance from mom and you're atoning for that sin for the rest of your life. My mother has been dead for decades and I still want to apologize to her. Catholic guilt is a real thing. 😁
  • Wjtinfwb A good car. I don't find Accord's as appealing as they were a decade or two ago, not that they've gotten worse, but the competition has gotten better. It would be my choice if I had to pay for it myself and maintain it for 10 years and 150k miles. They'd be very reliable and no doubt inexpensive miles, but probably a pretty boring 10 years.
  • Lou_BC "augmented reality" Isn't that a mamoplasty?