TTAC Contest: Maximum Stoned Speed

Edward Niedermeyer
by Edward Niedermeyer

Popular Science clears the air (so to speak) about which of America’s favorite intoxicants impairs driving skill the most. And it turns out that the stoned driver is a careful driver. Well, compared to a drunk driver, anyway. Research from a fancy driving simulator at Ben Gurion University’s Laboratory for Human Factors in Road Safety shows that reefer-crazed drivers drove considerably slower than the control group, while drunk drivers drove faster. In addition, “the drinking drivers also tended to be confident and boast a sense of control, while the pot smokers seem to be ‘more aware of their impairment.'” Of course, PopSci and Ben Gurion University don’t exactly condone doobing and driving. “None of the doped-up or drinking drivers were models of safety on the road. They tended to switch lane positions, swerve, and vary their steering,” is the verdict. But that’s just, like, their opinion… man. In honor of TTAC’s recent exploration of the legal grey areas of on-road behavior, we thought we’d ask: what are the five best rules of stoned driving? Entries will be accepted until 6pm Eastern Time. The winner gets the unclaimed (previous contest) Taschenwörterbuch der Kraftfahrzeugtechnik (English-German car technical dictionary). Because compound words are mind blowing after a toke or two. Dude.

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  • Ronman Ronman on May 28, 2009

    I liken driving stoned, to driving a cloud (or magic carpet) whatever the speed, which by the way never goes over 20kph, because at that speed it already feels like light speed. if you do go the speed limit, you will feel as if you are gonna spin around the earth so fast you will leave gravity behind. potholes will feel like very soft air turbulence, parking is exceptionally crafty as your condition will allow for a birds eye view (you think) that is much better than the optional park assist on an Infiniti. Toking and driving i think are much safer than drinking and driving, but i do not approve of either of course. I am guilty of doing it once (driving under the influence of Cannabis Sativa extracts), and i stress on once, but nothing beats riding toqued up in a back of a Wrangler going of road in the dead of night. Now that's a joyride from hell.... (driver was sober, pumped up on red bull which is also a threat it think) on a more direct note, I'd like to try the simulator experiment myself to see how i would handle myself in traffic if I were under either drug or alcohol influence, or both

  • Kevin Kluttz Kevin Kluttz on May 28, 2009

    Ronman: wrong. Buddhaflow: absolutely, positively ACCURATE.

  • Sardaukar Sardaukar on May 28, 2009

    1. "Extinguish" all smoking materials, return seatbacks and tray tables to their upright and locked positions, and fasten all seatbelts before departing. Then when you're done with that and you're ready to get in the car, look around and make sure everything in there looks more or less okay, too. 2. Steadfastly maintain the 10-and-2 driving position. This is of critical importance, because your hands are, like, HUGE. Warning: do not attempt to check out your own hands while the vehicle is in motion. Wait until you're at a stop light, then try running your palms over the dash. Duuuuuuuuude. 3. Sunglasses are key. Doesn't matter if it's raining, or hailing, or if it just looks like it's raining but when it hits your skin it feels like it's totally not even, like, water or anything. 4. Keep a low profile and don't screw around. Plan your route. Know where you're going and how you're going to get there; tell any passengers so there are no mid-journey "discussions" about whether to take the highway or surface roads (or, see item #5). Discuss in advance any necessary pit stops for food and/or beverages (because, let's face it, you're going to stop for food and/or beverages). Focus: now is not the time to consider how you're going to re-route your exhaust, or wonder if that pinging was really coming from the engine or if you ran over a lug nut. Warning: do not attempt to focus by pretending you're trying to complete a Grand Theft Auto mission, even that really hard one with that jackass where you have to shoot all the little planes. Pay attention to where you are, take it slow, take it steady. 5. A navigation system is a major time-saver: use Driver's Prerogative to promote the Bitch in the Box to Navigator, and give whoever's riding shotgun dominion over the radio. This should quell any nascent uprisings from backseat drivers, distract your pax from the issue of route, and lead into an hour-long debate on the music; by the time your ride-alongs are done picking the one perfect CD that everybody HAS to listen to, you'll have arrived at your destination.

  • Spasticnapjerk Spasticnapjerk on May 31, 2009

    This will not stand, man!