Chrysler – Nissan Non-Deal Isn't Going to Happen

Robert Farago
by Robert Farago
chrysler nissan non deal isn t going to happen

Surprised? Neither are we. From the moment Chrysler execs mooted a Nissan hook-up—a moment born of Congress-appeasing desperation—we heard rumblings that it wasn’t gonna happen dot autoextremist. Our sources in The Volunteer State volunteered the information that nothing was happening, Nissan-wise. Again, no surprise. If the Nissan will build us a competitive car (’cause we don’t have a fucking clue, mate) and we’ll sell ’em Rams to rebadge as Titans deal was going down, Chrysler wouldn’t have floated il madre of trial balloons known as the great FIAT giveaway. Still, as any good Catholic automaker knows, confirmation is a big moment in a bogus story’s life. Although they were happy to repeat the propaganda without question at the time, Reuters rocks!

“Nissan Motor Co and Chrysler LLC said Thursday they had halted work on a product-based tie-up while both sides consider how to improve the projected financial returns on the 10-month-old deal.” Improve the projected returns? Will someone tell these guys that Congress is stupid, but not THAT stupid? Oh wait, maybe they are.

“Nissan said it would still supply Chrysler with a compact car based on its Versa model for the U.S. automaker to sell in South America beginning later this year.”

South Africa? Whoa, that’ll help them pay back that $7b-or-bust federal loan the U.S. taxpayer is underwriting for Chrysler’s private equity overlords. As Paul Simon sang in Loves Me Like a Rock, “Who do you think you’re fooling?” [Jeff must say “whom,” but he doesn’t have a Grammy.]

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4 of 13 comments
  • Wmba Wmba on Feb 13, 2009

    " ..consider how to improve the projected financial returns on the 10-month-old deal.” Improve the projected returns? My 20 year experience with spreadsheets says -- up the selling price! Works every time, especially so in this make-believe scenario which never had a chance.

  • MagMax MagMax on Feb 13, 2009

    Why couldn't Nissan simply move the minivan production line lock stock and barrel to Mexico where they could build the vehicles cheaply, without the irritations of UAW or CAW workers? And, who knows, perhaps they'd even consider upgrading the things to include coils instead of leaf springs on the rear axles.

  • Patrickj Patrickj on Feb 13, 2009

    It doesn't say much about how a Versa would do in a head-on with an F-250 (not well), but that crash test looks to be a good result.