Porsche: "VW's Share Price Is Insane."

More news coming in from Porsche’s annual numbers press conference. Due to the worldwide recession, our TTAC correspondent in Stuttgart has to moonlight as a security guard at the event, but whatever works. We already announced this morning that Wendy Wiedeking said that “it is becoming increasingly unlikely” (translation: don’t even think it) that Porsche will go for 50 percent this year. Porsche holds 42.6 percent of the common stock of Volkswagen. They also own 31.5 percent of VW in options, but derivatives don’t count in the boardroom. “Wiedeking says their goal is still to build up to a majority of 75 percent in 2009,” our correspondent whispers into his lapel mike. But there are “too many uncertainties.” (Not to mention the VW-law, that makes owning 75 percent utterly wasteful.) Therefore, Wiedeking punts, much to the chagrin of our reporter-cum-rent-a-cop: “Wendy just said there is no telling how many moves will have to be made until the game is over.” He just said that. Wendy thinks, taking over the world’s third largest automaker, Volkswagen, he calls that a game? Where’s the outrage? “What game? Monopoly? Chess? Pick-up sticks?” Wendy won’t say. Maybe later, in the Q&A. Wait, there is more …

Yesterday, we cited Die Welt which calls Porsche “a bank with a subsidiary that makes cars.” That subsidiary hasn’t received any shots against the pandemic commonly called “the automotive flu.” Even a Porsche has to contend with lower sales. “He just said, from August through November, their sales dropped from €2.36b in the previous year period to slightly above €2b,” our security guard whispers, his mike being tied into Skype to save money. “Their sales dropped by 5.5k units to 25.2k in the August to November months.” Well, nothing earth shattering. “What about profits?” we press our moonlighting security guard through the flesh colored dangle cord. “He refuses to say anything about profits.” Most likely, because the profits would be rated as pornography, would qualify their annual report for the AVN Award, and drive auto executives around the globe to suicide. Right on, Wendy! The better part of valor is discretion, in the which better part I have saved my life. “Come again? You are breaking up,” whispers our man in the “SECURITY” T-shirt. Disregard. Resume 10-81 with a Code 24.

“Deep Throat to base. We have a Code 34.” Update: “Oh my gawd, Wendy’s slapping Angela!” our uniform-clad reporter gasps. Wendy just took the German government to task. Borderline domestic violence in progress. “On one hand, they rush from crisis meeting to crisis meeting to prop up the economy,” Wiedeking grumbles, his head turned firmly in the direction of Berlin. “On the other hand, they pass a new VW-law and risk excruciating punitive damage payments.” You tell ‘em, Wendy! Save the tax payer some money!

“Deep Throat to base. Code 35.” Update: “Holger Härter himself is up now,” whispers our reporter-in-hiding. Härter is Porsche’s CFO and the brain behind the hedge cutter massacre. “What has he to say? Over.” “We are not willing to buy VW shares at insane prices.” When Härter says it, the VW share trades at around €262. He’s calling that insane? And what was it, when it cost more than €1000? We told you yesterday: Swabians are thrifty.