Malibu Man and VOLT, Episode 1: The Adventure Begins!

This is a work of fiction. All usual disclaimers apply — JB

He woke up in a perfectly anonymous aqua-tiled hospital room somewhere, a million years’ worth of hallucinogenic dreams after stepping on that IED back in Afghanistan. He couldn’t remember where he’d been before that. His friends, his childhood, even his name — all of that was locked somewhere he couldn’t reach. Instead, he had a Brooks-Brothers-clad, aggressively-tanned young man standing at his bedside, grinning at him as if they’d just shared a particularly private and risqué joke.

“We’re feeling better, I see!” the man offered. “Let me get the boss.”

And just like that, the hospital room was empty and he was alone. Not for long, though; his overly-cheerful companion was soon back with a distinguished older man in tow. With a shock, he realized that he recognized “the boss”. Tall, powerful-looking, military bearing, with a perfect mane of silver hair.

“It’s you! I’ve seen you on television! You’re—“ The big man reached down and placed a powerful, masculine, dreamy finger against his lips.

“Never mind who I am. Your name is now Michael Sloan. You lost your life in the service of your country. Or, you would have, anyway, if we hadn’t taken you to our secret clinic and rebuilt you from the ground up. We had a reason to. In Afghanistan, you were one of the best. Elite. The question I have for you is: Are you ready to give your life for your country again?”

“I… suppose so,” Michael replied, “but what are you doing here, if this is a military operation? Don’t you work for… General Motors?”

“What’s good for General Motors,” the big man replied, “is good for the country. We saved your life because we need a man who exists in the shadows. Sometimes, direct action might provide the only feasible solution. I’ve tried so-called secret weapons before, but they turned to be buffet-browsing shills for garbage product. You’ll erase that shame. But you won’t be working alone. We’ve created the perfect partner for you. Better than human. The very latest twenty-first technology. Are you ready to meet your partner? We call him… VOLT.”

Read more
  • AZFelix I have always wondered if the poor ability of Tesla cars in detecting children was due to their using camera only systems. Optical geometry explains that a child half the height of an adult seems to have the same height as that same adult standing twice as far away from the viewer.
  • 28-Cars-Later Actually pretty appealing (apparently I'm doing this now). On a similar note, a friend of mine had a difficult situation with a tenant which led to eviction and apparently the tenant has abandoned a 2007 Jag S-Type with unknown miles in the garage so he called me for an opinion. Before checking I said $2-3 max, low and behold I'm just that good with the 3.0L clocking in at $2,3 on average (oddly the 4.2 V8 version only pulls $2,9ish) and S-Types after MY05 are supposedly decent.
  • DO I have owned a 2012 LR4 since day one and it has been the best vehicle I have ever had the pleasure of having in the garage. I know how easy it is to hate on Land Rover but this LR4 is comfortable, has a ton of storage room and is so versatile. With 110k miles, mine is now relegated to ‘other’ car use but is still the go to for off road adventures and snow runs. Nice to see one featured here - I think they are so underrated.
  • Tane94 I'd be curious to know whether 87 octane is no longer the most popular grade of gasoline by sales volume. My Costco often runs out of Premium grade and I suspect 93 octane might now be the most popular grade of gas. Paying 40-50 cents more per gallon 87 vs 93 octane because of turbo engines is the real story
  • Redapple2 125 large? You re getting into 911 territory.