QOTD: Choose Your Own (Fake) Adventure

You’d never know it from the Internet, where the Code Of Hammurabi rules with an iron hand and people on the forums are comfortable recommending the death penalty for everything from “stancing” your car to the unjustified application of an AMG badge purchased on eBay — hold on, I kind of agree with that last one — but it is probably not a crime not to use every last iota of your vehicle’s rated capabilities. You’re allowed to own a sportbike without racing it in WERA or doing a 140-mph stand-up wheelie past a police station. It’s morally acceptable for you to purchase a Porsche 911 Targa and never run it in any sort of Targa event whatsoever. And, as difficult as you may find this to believe, not everybody who acquired a Chevy Monte Carlo was a native citizen of, or even a past visitor to, the Principality of Monaco.

Still, it’s difficult not to feel a minor bit of disdain for the various pretensions that currently animate the automotive market. Not that you’ll pick that up from reading the new-car coverage at Chicago. Most of us don’t feel comfortable doing much more than what’s encapsulated by Pope’s delightful turn of eighteenth-century phrase: Damn with faint praise, assent with civil leer, / And without sneering, teach the rest to sneer.

Let’s take a break from that not-quite-good-natured approach for a moment.

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  • Jeff I might buy a new bicycle in the next year but a new vehicle no.
  • Lou_BC This article is meaningless without reporting the facts around each incident. 16 incidents versus an average of 10. Is it because Rivian is new to the game?
  • Lou_BC It would encourage indebtedness. Start a business if you want more write-offs.
  • Bullnuke This is bogus. I specifically remember being told by an American Honda area manager that all Honda vehicles are perfectly designed and built completely without flaws and are perfect in all respects when driven off the dealership lots. Any issues occurring after that, including the reverse gear teeth being milled off during operation of this perfect vehicle with 8k miles on the clock, are due to owner irresponsibility, misuse, and abuse. That'll be $3200 for this perfect Honda transmission, please.
  • AZFelix Since hydrogen is a less dense gas similar to helium, expect a final roller coaster of emotions when you start screaming in a high-pitched squeaky voice "Oh the humanity! Oh the humanity!" as everything around you bursts into flames.