Malibu Man and VOLT, Episode 1: The Adventure Begins!

This is a work of fiction. All usual disclaimers apply — JB

He woke up in a perfectly anonymous aqua-tiled hospital room somewhere, a million years’ worth of hallucinogenic dreams after stepping on that IED back in Afghanistan. He couldn’t remember where he’d been before that. His friends, his childhood, even his name — all of that was locked somewhere he couldn’t reach. Instead, he had a Brooks-Brothers-clad, aggressively-tanned young man standing at his bedside, grinning at him as if they’d just shared a particularly private and risqué joke.

“We’re feeling better, I see!” the man offered. “Let me get the boss.”

And just like that, the hospital room was empty and he was alone. Not for long, though; his overly-cheerful companion was soon back with a distinguished older man in tow. With a shock, he realized that he recognized “the boss”. Tall, powerful-looking, military bearing, with a perfect mane of silver hair.

“It’s you! I’ve seen you on television! You’re—“ The big man reached down and placed a powerful, masculine, dreamy finger against his lips.

“Never mind who I am. Your name is now Michael Sloan. You lost your life in the service of your country. Or, you would have, anyway, if we hadn’t taken you to our secret clinic and rebuilt you from the ground up. We had a reason to. In Afghanistan, you were one of the best. Elite. The question I have for you is: Are you ready to give your life for your country again?”

“I… suppose so,” Michael replied, “but what are you doing here, if this is a military operation? Don’t you work for… General Motors?”

“What’s good for General Motors,” the big man replied, “is good for the country. We saved your life because we need a man who exists in the shadows. Sometimes, direct action might provide the only feasible solution. I’ve tried so-called secret weapons before, but they turned to be buffet-browsing shills for garbage product. You’ll erase that shame. But you won’t be working alone. We’ve created the perfect partner for you. Better than human. The very latest twenty-first technology. Are you ready to meet your partner? We call him… VOLT.”

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  • Daniel J Our CX-5 has hit its automatic brakes a few times at in very unnecessary situations. My 2018 doesn't have it, but it will shake and throw a warning if it thinks you should brake. Only once was it needed. The dozen or so times it has gone off I was already on the brakes or traffic was in a pattern that just fooled it.
  • Kosmo This would become interesting with a turbo and 6MT.
  • CanadaCraig 'Afraid' is the wrong word. The question should be, "Do you trust autonomous cars to get you from point A to point B and all points in between safely?" And my answer to that question is 'NO'.
  • Daniel J For us it's just woefully underpowered. Put the 2.5T in it then I might consider it.
  • Bd2 Such practices are deeply frowned upon by Kia and Hyundai dealerships where consumers sport increasing credit scores and household incomes to boot.