My Auction Hell

Ed Niedermeyer is AWOL collecting bribes with hermaphrodite LeMons Judge Murilee Martin somewhere in – aha! – San Francisco. So Sajeev Mehta (bless his heart, why is he not judging?) tracked down our old friend Jehovah Johnson to write some fiction. Or was it the truth?

This is a story related to Steve Lang’s Hammer Time series. The following is an excerpt of something I wrote chronicling my two day tenure at an auction house down in the city. I’ve been in sales, particularly the auto industry, seemingly forever, so it’s not like I didn’t know what I was getting into. Several people thought this was creatively written, so I’m submitting it to you guys; post it, laugh at it, whatever you wish. Your website is great. Thanks and pull up a chair…

So I get there on Day 1, pumped – there’s about 500 cars outside, in various states of disrepair and readiness for sale but nevertheless. Go in, introduce myself, etc etc. I’ve officially arrived and am ready to solve your problems was the general tone. Met everyone, typical car environment segregation – males running the place/in sales with some excellent females on the phones and handling the accounting/secretarial – some serious talent was present in the back office. This is going to be fun, I thought.

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  • 2ACL I love the CV6 + stick pairing, even if it's not particularly quick (or efficient) by modern standards. It looks to have a solid foundation and would be nice to drive fully sorted, but Honda/Acuraphiles seem more interested in ressurecting second generation cars. I wanted a manual GS sedan for the longest time, though I'd have gladly taken a first generation manual coupe. Thankfully, we're spared of 'future collectable' pricing with this one.
  • Buickman forget 5G, WiFi, microwaves, smart meters, and Bluetooth. (fluoride, chemtrails, clot shots)what does riding on a giant battery with ultra magnetic frequency do to your innards?oh, so an EV works for you not venturing far? YOU'RE NOT USING GAS!THERE'S NO FOOD IN THE DESERT!
  • Buickman Who Killed the Electric Car?the buying public, that's who.
  • MaintenanceCosts This is refreshing. Excess car storage which brainless local zoning rules forced the builders of this mall to include, but which normally sits empty, is actually being used for car storage!
  • MaintenanceCosts Nice car if you can get it properly sorted, but the level of safety tech doesn't seem quite enough for a young driver on today's brodozer-infested highways.