Piston Slap: You Dirty, Dirty Panther You!

Casey writes:

Hey Sajeev,

You once answered one of my questions regarding my Fusion of Malcontent, a car which NEVER stopped giving us issues even after we sold it: the new owner refused to put it into his name and we got many tickets from red light cameras.

Anyway, last month I purchased a beautiful Panther-platform Grand Marquis. I got a good deal on it and it’s in pristine condition with less than 50,000 miles. There are no issues with the car mechanically, but it was previously owned by someone who lived down a long red dirt road. There is dirt EVERYWHERE in the car. It’s in the light assemblies, the dash, pretty much every crevasse that one can think of.

I’ve begun the long and tiring job of cleaning it, but wondering if you have any tips, suggestions, or ideas about how I should proceed?

Currently, I’ve cleaned the entire outside of the car, the engine bay, and generally the driver’s area…but every time I look up I swear I find something else that’s covered in red dust.

How do I clean this car so that I can stop obsessing and start enjoying the Panther body that I’ve always dreamed of?

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  • Dukeisduke Oh, so it *is* a hatchback. Last night, I watched the replay of the reveal with Tim Kuniskis presenting the car, on Instagram. A "fly-through" of the car on the pre-rollout video made it look like they were going through an open hatch, so it had me wondering. The car attracted a lot of negative comments on IG, on feeds of guys who were there live.This is probably the least "electric car" electric car.
  • MaintenanceCosts Nice styling, but purposely amplifying EV noise will be just as obnoxious as purposely amplifying ICE noise. I'm over cars that are loud for the sake of being loud.
  • Ajla -I don't hate it, which is something of a win for Dodge.-The styling is decent but to my eye it seems to crib from the ''65-'67 more than the '68-'69.-Although I appreciate the attempt at giving an EV an "exhaust", from the sound clips I heard, the vehicle doesn't sound very good. Kind of like an Ecoboost Ford with a vacuum leak. YMMV and maybe it'll sound better in person but for now I think ICE still has an aural advantage. There is more to it than pure decibels. All that said, I prefer this to silence.-I'm surprised it is a true 2-door, although it seems offering a Stinger-style 5-door version wouldn't be too hard. However, for folks that complained about a lack of EV coupes, you just lost your excuse.-Range, prices, overall availability and trim levels are all obviously big question marks right now.-Im still not sure how this all bodes for Dodge's future as for several years this is almost certainly going to be a much lower volume vehicle than the old Charger/Challenger duo. They'll need more than just the Hornet and this to make it to 2030 and beyond.
  • Kendahl A Charger with only two doors? I though that would be a Challenger.One of the desirable features of an electric drive train is that it's quiet. Why ruin it with fake engine noises?The exterior body design looks elegant. The dashboard, on the other hand, looks like a video game.
  • FreedMike As a fan of sexy exhaust notes, I get what Dodge is doing here. But “Fratzonic Chambered Exhaust” creating fake motor noise is more than a little silly. As for the rest of the car…count me as a fan. I’d drive this in a heartbeat. I also think Stellantis’ approach to electrification here makes a ton of sense - they’re selling capability, not practicality. That puts a shine on the idea of an EV to people who haven’t really considered one.