Housekeeping: Don't Blow Yourselves Up
Tomorrow is the Fourth of July, otherwise known as the day in which us Americans “celebrate the independence of [our] nation by blowing up a small part of it,” according to the ever-wise The Simpsons. Yes, Simpson’s truthers, I know the original, verbatim quote is “your nation” but I had to tweak it to make it make sense in this context.
So with that in mind, we’re off to barbecues, baseball games, car shows, bars, and of course, fireworks shows. We’re gonna shut ‘er down from now until Thursday so we can partake in such tomfoolery early, just as the Founders intended.
We’ll be back Thursday and Friday but perhaps we’ll be a little lighter than usual when it comes to content — we have hangovers that we’ll need to shake off, after all. Back at full speed on Monday.
Don’t blow yourselves up with fireworks this week, be respectful of your neighbors (seriously, fireworks are much less cool after 3 a.m.), don’t drink and drive, don’t text and drive, and smoke some American-made rubber if you own a muscle car.
See you on the flip side.
[Image: Yuganov Konstantin/Shutterstock]
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And please don't set fire to the West. (A lot of it is already burning.)
Joey Chestnut wins his 11th July 4th hotdog eating championship on Coney Island. One of the great athletes of the 21st Century. 74 hotdogs (and buns) in 10 minutes.
Hot take... fireworks are dangerous, disruptive, boring and a complete waste of time. Especially after having a baseline of expectations set from the NYC East River barge show, and comparing that to backyard amateur hour. Just a way for middle age men to have an excuse to "make de thing boom!" I've always quietly loathed fireworks, but now with an infant who has a 7 PM bedtime I was particularly annoyed. Let's barbecue and take time to appreciate how great America is, even in its current divided and broken state.
Too late: South Carolina man loads mortar shell backwards, dies when fireworks shoots into his chest. https://www.wsoctv.com/news/local/police-man-killed-another-lost-part-of-hand-in-fireworks-mishap-in-cheraw/783347639