While You Were Sleeping: July 8, 2014

Bertone took a beating! Someone else might have handed a beating out! Subaru’s on fire, Vipers are cold as ice!

And You Thought The Residuals On The Volvo 780 Coupe Had Them Set 4 Lyfe, Yo:

Michael Robinson, the last design director for Bertone, no longer wants to talk about the company. “Having turned the page, I can’t afford to be dragged into this Valley of Tears,” he says in a text message responding to a request for comment. “The real perpetrators should be hung on a tree.”

Oh, Michael! Plants are hung, people are hanged! And it’s the Vale Of Tears; the Valley Of Tears is probably a place in “Game Of Thrones”. No wonder he’s upset, however: Stile Bertone is bankrupt. Not to be confused with Bertone Cento, which actually owns the name and logo, or Bertone Design, which has a license to use the “Bertone” name on non-automotive design. This is the original design house. Despite picking up new business, they’ve accumulated debt faster than they’ve received payment. It’s anybody’s guess what will happen next.

For The American Dude: Subaru’s always had a fractious relationship with its dealers, but now the company is sounding the alarm in earnest. Subaru’s Yasuyuki Yoshinaga is troubled that the automaker’s third-from-DFL place in JD Power’s dealer-satisfaction ratings will cause all their new customers to not return to the dealer. Best of luck, Subaru: in this business, the last mile is always the hardest. But if you’re looking for intelligent dealer principals to steer the script, I’d recommend starting with this guy.

This Time, The Name Of The Publication Is Literally Appropriate: Crain’s Detroit published an unusually long list of stuff happening to various super-important people in Detroit. See if you can find the Easter Egg in the long list. This is like one of those OKCupid profiles where the goiter doesn’t get mentioned until paragraph 11, right after the list of life-changing short stories and favorite ways to use Sriracha. The first person to find the hidden news will receive a free TTAC T-shirt. The second person will receive NOTHING.

This Always Trails Slowdowns In The Independent Drywall Contractor Business By Exactly Three Months: Production of the SRT Viper has been idled again. It’s a damned shame because the current Viper is a brilliant automobile and deserves consideration by anyone who is in the market for a V10-powered, track-focused, Viper.

Like There Aren’t Ten Articles A Day With That Stupid Title: Jalopnik‘s Patrick George caught the Detroit Free Press running “sponsored content” without identifying it as such. His article on the top forced the Free Press to admit the post was “human error”, which usually means “we didn’t think we were going to get caught.” When pressed for comment, leading automotive PR people offered TTAC a free trip to Europe in the new Bentley Mulsanne GTCSCS, the new convertible that’s already making waves among the rich and famous. Why not buy one today?