Toyota Invents Crash Test Dummy With Guts

Bertel Schmitt
by Bertel Schmitt
toyota invents crash test dummy with guts

Toyota announces a gut-wrenching innovation: Crash test dummies with intestines. I remember the unappetizing times when crash tests were performed with (dead) pigs, or, even more gross, with human corpses (not for public consumption.) The crash test dummy changed all this. No species developed faster than the anthropomorphic test device, a.k.a. the crash test dummy. Now, it made a big leap forward.

From crude beginnings in the 70s, more and more sophisticated dummies evolved. The dummy had a wife. The dummies had children. Following generations progressed rapidly. As crashes were more and more computer simulated, computer simulated crash test dummies begun to populate the virtual world.

All the while, the crash test dummy species was haunted by a big problem: Lack of internal organs. It’s damage to internal organs that kills you, and those organs could not be easily replicated. Until now.

In the labs of Toyota city a humanoid was created that would make Dr. Frankenstein faint with envy. The new guy is called THUMS 4, as in Total HUman Model for Safety, version 4.

The adult male of average build has detailed models of internal organs, which sets him apart from previous iterations that were all bones and brain. The brain was added in the previous release.

According to Toyota, THUMS 4 will yield 14 times more information than the previous generation of dummies, and represents a quantum leap in the studies of internal injuries. Damages to internal organs account for approximately half of all injuries sustained during automobile collisions.

Soon, THUMS 4 will receive a wife and a larger male cousin. With all internal organs properly in place, a child should not be far off, and with the help of Toyota technicians, even more sophisticated generations will be bred.

Toyota will not keep THUMS 4 to themselves. In fall of 2010, you can place an order with Toyota Technical Development Corporation, a TMC subsidiary, and they’ll sell you one.

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  • Jeff S I don't believe gm will die but that it will continue to shrink in product and market share and it will probably be acquired by a foreign manufacturer. I doubt gm lacks funds as it did in 2008 and that they have more than enough cash at hand but gm will not expand as it did in the past and the emphasis is more on profitability and cutting costs to the bone. Making gm a more attractive takeover target and cut costs at the expense of more desirable and reliable products. At the time of Farago's article I was in favor of the Government bailout more to save jobs and suppliers but today I would not be in favor of the bailout. My opinions on gm have changed since 2008 and 2009 and now I really don't care if gm survives or not.
  • Kwik_Shift I was a GM fan boy until it ended in 2013 when I traded in my Avalanche to go over to Nissan.
  • Stuart de Baker I didn't bother to read this article. I'll wait until a definitive headline comes out, and I'll be surprised if Tesla actually produces the Cybertruck. It certainly looks impractical for both snowy and hot sunny weather.
  • Stuart de Baker This is very interesting information. I was in no danger of buying a Tesla. I love my '08 Civic (stick), and it feels just as responsive as when I bought it 11 years ago with 35k on the clock (now 151k), and barring mishaps, I plan to keep it for the next 25 years or so, which would put me into my mid-90s, assuming I live that long. On your information, I will avoid renting Teslas.
  • RHD The only people who would buy this would be those convinced by a website that they are great, and order one sight-unseen. They would have to have be completely out of touch with every form of media for the last year. There might actually be a few of these people, but not very many. They would also have to be completely ignorant of the Hyundai Excel. (Vinfast seems to make the original Excel look like a Camry in comparison.)