Tiny Tim Must Die

Edward Niedermeyer
by Edward Niedermeyer
tiny tim must die

When we read over at Automotive News [sub] that GM is asking employees at the Vehicle Engineering Center in suburban Detroit, the proving ground in Milford, Mich., and the desert proving ground near Mesa, Ariz to take December 22nd and 23rd off, we wanted some answers. After all, GM spokesman Dan Flores’ claim that “it’ll give us significant savings in utilities and facility expenses,” is hardly credible. Sure, GM is trying to make $5b in cuts by the new year celebrations, but cutting two days of salaried work surely isn’t a cost-effective solution, is it? Well, we reached for the big red phone and were lucky enough to be connected directly to Rick Wagoner himself. What follows is a transcript of our conversation.

TTAC: At this festive time of year, Mr. Scrooge Wagoner, it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the poor and destitute, who suffer greatly at the present time, is it not?

Wagoner: Why? Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?

TTAC: Many can’t go there; and many would rather die.

Wagoner: If they would rather die, they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population. Besides, If I could work my will, every idiot who goes about with ‘Merry Christmas’ on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!

TTAC: You… you’re not serious, right? Surely you’re better than that?

Wagoner: I’m too old and beyond hope! Go and redeem some younger, more promising creature, and leave me to keep Christmas in my own way!

TTAC: Men’s courses will foreshadow certain ends, to which, if persevered in, they must lead. But if the courses be departed from, the ends will change.

Wagoner: Bah, Humbug.

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4 of 14 comments
  • Quiksilver180 Quiksilver180 on Nov 11, 2008

    It's almost like Charles Dickens based Ebenezer Scrooge off of Rick Wagoner. Brilliant!

  • BlueBrat BlueBrat on Nov 11, 2008

    Still waiting for the self-administered $1 paycheck on Mr. Wagoner...

  • "scarey" "scarey" on Nov 11, 2008

    Mr. Wagoner, FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE TO THE COMPANY, SHOULD BE HANGED BY THE NECK UNTIL DEAD. Seem harsh ? How much money has he lost the company during his tenure as chief ? And how much has he been paid for this service ? Mere wall street thieves whisper in awed reverence at the mention of his deeds ! Destroying General Motors, and being made lavishly rich in the process ! We bow at the alter of the First Church of the Almighty Bean Counter, and await our fate.

  • Joeaverage Joeaverage on Nov 11, 2008

    And to think I could go to jail for shop lifting a $100 item at the local big box retailer... (I wouldn't shoplift). Top level managment has lost billions yet they'll get all the perks and benefits coming to them...