Update From the TTAC LeMons Team, Part 1

update from the ttac lemons team part 1

Rumor has it there is a Datsun Z-car at the 24 Hours of LeMons that’s cheating like a mother–well you know. During yesterday’s test and tune event at Motorsport Ranch, the TTAC LeMons entry was screaming down the straights and cutting corners with a bit too much perfection. Which goes over as well ’round these parts as Farago asking Maximum Bob about his golden parachute at a GM media forum. But you won’t see TTAC’s Lemons car in trouble: I made sure of that. While the team, Mad Cow Motorsportz put together a fantastic race hooptie, we also bribe like the Jack Abramoff of crap cars. And our beloved judges, our own Johnny Lieberman and Jalopnik’s Murilee Martin, get it. Literally. Sure we got a hot motor that’s much too gutsy, but we made no bones about our mad parts swapping skills with a (dearly departed) 280ZX. Don’t like the coilover shocks at all four corners? Tough, we bought them at a automotive silent auction/charity for $40 and have the receipt to prove it. Which doesn’t mean shit if you don’t put your money where your mouth is. (more after the jump).

And that’s exactly what we did. Some may see $100 split into five dollar denominations as bribery, but that’s only if you don’t like the good looking women holding it in their cleavage. Or the promises of a free dinner as something more than a reason for two TTAC veterans to finally meet face-to-face. But if the judges still don’t “get it” , we got another bribe up our sleeves: open the hatch and just try to find the trick (but legal) fuel cell. There’s a cooler full of ice-cold Shiner Bock (this is Texas, you gotta represent) in your way. So, after receiving a king’s ransom in bribes, our man Lieberman saw the light and proclaimed “I don’t see anything wrong here, no penalty.” They tattooed the Datsun’s lovely sheetmetal with a mark of bribery, took most of my money and walked off. The moral of the story? Even if you don’t cheat, you sure as hell better bribe the judges anyway.

Join the conversation
  • EBFlex They are getting rid of the Charger and Challenger for a modern day Neon?just end it Dodge, you had a great run
  • Garrett Frankly, I don’t understand why some of the manufacturers haven’t lobbied for more areas, or built their own. Imagine being able to access a local Jeep park, at a reasonable membership fee. Or a Land Rover one for a lot more. That’s money worth throwing down.
  • Lou_BC Developing "off-road parks" in areas with higher populations and a lack of public access land would be a good idea. It would be great to be paired with licensed off-road instructors. Set up costs would be relatively low. I took an entry level off-road course a few years ago with my son's Cherokee. It was fun. I'd like to take a winching course and an advanced driving course.
  • ToolGuy If you want a new Toyota, plan to buy it in the next 4 years.
  • ToolGuy The real question is - with all the value they add and all the sacrifices they make - do automotive journalists make too little. 😉