#WeirdNews

A tractor-trailer leaking sewage onto a portion of I-95 in Connecticut resulted in numerous crashes and some impromptu off-roading this week. Vehicular casualties included a couple of totaled police vehicles that found themselves at the mercy of a truck sliding through human waste. 

While the situation certainly stinks for those involved, it’s okay to laugh. No injuries were reported and the fact that the suspect was charged with having an “unsecured load” is pretty funny.

A Chevy Silverado owner in Florida snapped and attempted to run down a gas station attendant following a heated argument about fuel pumps. Frankly, we can’t imagine how anyone could be unhappy with fuel prices being so low, but this is Florida, a state whose motto of “In God We Trust” seems far less fitting than my proposed alternative of “Check This Out.”

America’s infamous panhandle is a wellspring of weirdness and, in true Florida fashion, the latest event is as terrifying as it is hysterical. While attempting to assault someone with a motor vehicle holds little humor in itself, watching that person fail as their agitated target (who had to get in the last word) takes a near-perfect pratfall offers so much instant relief, the mind can’t help itself.

Earlier this week, we reported on a bizarre story in which a 5-year-old Utah boy stole his parents’ Dodge Journey to drive to California. His mission? To procure a Lamborghini for himself. As you already know, he was picked up by local authorities before making much headway, but he wound up getting closer to his dream than anyone imagined.

Adrian Zamarripa’s junior adventure earned quite a bit of media coverage, encouraging a nearby Lambo enthusiast to visit the family this week and give the child some quality time inside his black Huracan. The car’s owner, Jeremy Neves, said he was impressed with the child’s initiative and wanted to meet him.

A 5-year-old boy from Utah literally let his passion for cars run away with him over the weekend. After argument with his mother over the possibility of procuring him a Lamborghini, he decided to steal the family SUV to drive to California and buy one himself.

Unaware that the brand’s products typically go for six-figure sums (and that there is a much closer dealership in Las Vegas), the child was discovered driving sloppily on Utah’s I-15 by local law enforcement on Monday afternoon.

Utah State Patrol said he had about three dollars in his pocket.

A man was arrested Sunday after leading Washington State law enforcement on a high-speed pursuit. Reports allege he struck two cars during what looked to be an extreme case of joyriding, but the plot thickened as the situation morphed into a police chase along Interstate 5. As they caught up, Washington State Patrol said they noticed there was a dog behind the wheel.

At the time, the vehicle was travelling in excess of 100 mph.

Police used spike strips to finally bring the vehicle to a halt, with trooper Heather Axtman noting that one of her coworkers realized the pit bull was actually sitting in the lap of a man who was helping it steer while also controlling the pedals. Once stopped, he told authorities he was attempting to teach the dog to drive.

Fred Ordine and his 25-year-old son, Chadwick Quinones, were arrested on Tuesday for crashing two Chevrolet Corvettes in New York City’s Lincoln Tunnel. This unique bout of family togetherness actually took place on the night of February 9th, according to New York Daily News. However, the arrest and video footage (below the break) of the two crashing into each other are newer and absolutely perfect for the Thanksgiving holiday, which is all about bringing people closer.

Though this may have been too close.

A Canadian man was arrested in Vancouver’s West End over the weekend after trying to usurp someone else’s Corvette. The owner had reportedly left the vehicle’s top off in a public lot and a passerby, assuming the car was a free agent, climbed inside. By the time the Vette’s owner returned, the man had settled in and was refusing to leave.

This wasn’t officially a theft, mind you, just a case of some weirdo declining to get out of a Corvette on the grounds that simply occupying the driver’s seat magically made it his. As you have correctly assumed, the situation escalated once authorities arrived.

A 4-year-old boy in Blaine, MN, traded his car seat for the driver’s seat, borrowing his great-grandfather’s SUV. At 4 years old, I can’t imagine having the understanding and capability to successfully operate a car. But little Sebastian Swenson proved himself to be a special case.

His motivation? Reese’s candy. I believe this to be one of the most noble reasons to steal a car.

The Spartanburg County Sheriff’s Office had a run-in with a drunk driver over the weekend. While there’s typically nothing funny about catching someone driving under the influence, fate saw fit to throw us a bone in this instance, as the encounter led to comical shenanigans involving Axe body spray.

Apparently, the driver decided to fill his mouth with the substance in an attempt to fool an approaching deputy.

Corey LaJoie might not have the most impressive stock car record in motorsport, but he will have the most recognizable car at Daytona 500 later this month. Go Fas Racing, along with its sponsors, have decided that the best livery for the No. 32 Old Spice car is a giant stretched version of its driver’s head. The end result makes those reoccurring dreams about your teeth falling out seem positively tranquil by comparison.

The team documented the process of wrapping the Ford Mustang they’ll be running in the 2019 Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series over the last couple of days. LaJoie’s face resides on the hood and bumper, with the teeth cut out to make an opening for the grille.

While we can’t say whether the new visuals will provide much of an edge on the racetrack, it’s difficult to imagine something scarier coming up behind you in the rearview mirror. Still, we doubt intimidation was on anyone’s mind when they dreamed this monstrosity up.

One of the worst things about being an adult is that you’re constantly inundated with legal agreements you don’t have time to read. But you’d best read them all the way down to the fine print because, as every old crank knows, “that’s where they get you.”

A sterling example of this phenomenon cropped up in Texas this week, where a man is at risk of being thrown out of his apartment complex if he doesn’t fix the dent on his first-generation Chevrolet Traverse. While the complex doesn’t have a policy around owning a battered automobile, it does have one about them occupying the property — and management is swift to enforce it (through towing) if owners don’t fix them. That’s a problem, as the man with the dented Chevy, one Sontlux Sukhavachana, says he can’t afford to take it into a body shop and can’t make rent without a car.

A Washington State Patrol trooper was confronted with occupational difficulties earlier this month while attempting to pull over a woman driving a Toyota Prius with expired tags. The woman, 42-year old Jamie Petrozzi, was headed southbound on I-5 through Marysville two Wednesdays ago when the trooper turned on his lights and attempted a traffic stop.

The driver made no attempt to stop on the highway and, instead, exited a mile later before finally stopping at an intersection. From here, the highway patrolman ordered her to pull over using his loudspeaker. Petrozzi declined to cooperate, forcing the trooper to approach the side of the car and instruct her to pull off the road. “I will not,” she said, according to the arrest report. “I drive a Prius. I am not pulling over there.”

A United States Postal Service employe was charged with hoarding thousands of pieces of undelivered mail on Thursday. The bulk of the load, which ended up being crammed into his Nissan Pathfinder, was comprised of more than 10,000 letters — a true testament to the vehicle’s nearly 80 square-feet of cargo space. However, more items were found stashed in his work locker and apartment. According to court documents, Aleksey Germash’s alleged dereliction of duty resulted in at least 17,000 pieces of mail going undelivered.

Earlier this month, the USPS’ Office of Inspector General received tip that there was an SUV parked in Brooklyn stuffed with mailbags. When Postal Service agents went to investigate, they found 20 blue post office bags holding mail intended for delivery to New York residents.

Throughout the 20th century, there have been three social ideologies that looked appetizing on paper, but ultimately proved toxic in practice. I am of course talking about fascism, communism, and the homeowners association. While we’ve successfully managed to keep the former two restrained in North America, the dreaded homeowners association has persisted — borrowing heavily from the worst parts of both fascism and communism to enforce an arbitrary pettiness upon regular folks everywhere.

This month, “everywhere” just so happens to be a California neighborhood where the local HOA is forcing residents keep their garages open all day. Apparently the Auburn Greens complex in Auburn, California found out that a single resident had been caught allowing people to sleep in their garage. To ensure this never happens again, the homeowners association has mandated all residents leave their automotive bays open between the hours of 8 a.m. an 4 p.m. or receive a $200 fine.