#Cayman

Motorsports coverage is rarely part of TTAC’s remit, but I would be remiss if I failed to mention the first Grand-Am race at Circuit of the Americas. It’s great to have another world-class track in the United States, and there was some great racing there this past week.

Welcome to Shoot The Pink, where TTACers bag pink cars. The rules can’t be simpler:

The Cayman R: lowered, lightened, loudened. A track-day special with carbon-fibre race buckets, featherweight alloy wheels and red seatbelts.

All right you hosers, here’s how we review a car like that in Canada.

For the first time since the days of the 912, Porsche will be selling cars with a boxer-four engine. This new engine will power everything from the forthcoming “Baby Boxster” to the next generation of Boxster and Cayman, likely differentiated by different states of turbocharged tune. Here, a mule of the next-gen Cayman (released in Europe next year), which is growing to accommodate the new entry-level model, shows off the sweet sound of its new turbocharged 2.5 liter four-banger, which is rumored to put out 365 HP in “S” trim. And by “sweet sounds” I mean, it sounds a lot nicer than the 2.5 liter boxer in my girlfriend’s Impreza… although some of our more discriminating readers might feel that it’s still not up to Porsche standards. What say you?

Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people’s hats off–then, I account it high time to get to a Porsche Club meeting and annoy perfectly decent upper-middle-class people.

One of my favorite shticks is to sit there at the wine-tasting/slow-food dinner/whatever and say, “I love my Boxster, but I love the Cayman so much more.” Knowing nods from around the table. “It’s just that I like the convertible too.” More knowing nods. “What I really wish Porsche would do…”

Pause.

“…is make a Cayman convertible..”

Dead silence.

Not being a regular trackday driver, my recent tryst with a Porsche Cayman S didn’t leave me wishing Porsche would make their own Turbo version. I may be putting my auto-writer-posturing credentials on the line by typing this, but on real roads patrolled by real police officers, 320 hp is plenty, thanks. Besides, everyone knows that Porsche will never allow its crocodilian coupe outshine its older (and more profitable) brother, the 911. But, according to forum postings from someone claiming to have attended Porsche’s recent general sales meeting [via Pistonheads], Zuffenhausen will let the Cayman get a little bit closer to its true potential with a lightweight version due out in the US next Spring.

300 plus horsepower, mid-engine sportscars are a rare breed. It stands to reason then, that they should be reviewed by someone who can put them into their rarefied context. The kind of reviewer who can tell you the subtle handling differences between each generation of the 911, and whose keyboard is stained with the oil of a hundred home-rebuilt crankcases. At the very least, they should be reviewed by the kind of people who get regular seat time in the unjustifiably potent mid-engined supercars that you’d have to purchase to one-up a mid-engine Porsche’s considerable capabilities. So what happens when a Porsche Cayman S ends up in the hands of someone who is used to getting their motoring kicks with a mass-market hatchback?

As a child, I owned something called the Lego “Expert Builder Car”. It was a fascinating product. From one box of a thousand or so Lego pieces, it was possible to build many different kinds of cars, up to and including a two-seat roadster with a working transmission. Top-notch fun, and if Lego eventually took it off the market in favor of less advanced kits focusing on Star Wars, Disneyworld, and (possibly) Twilight then we have only the abject failure of the American educational system to blame.

Last year, Porsche gave Magna an eight-year contract to build the Cayman and Boxster models from 2012 on. Magna engineers immediately went to work and toiled with tricky tasks, such as the stiffening of the Boxter’s body. Which they say wasn’t, well, stiff enough. Then Porsche went to Volkswagen. Then Opel came and went. Finally, Volkswagen bought parts of bankrupt Karmann and needed to use the capacity. Cayman and Boxster will be built in Osnabrück, Instead of the Boxster body, Magna was stiffed and asked to pound sand.

Can you tell the difference between one of these:

and one of these?