Geneva Auto Show 2008 Review: Das Show
If you’ve ever stood at a Swiss platform and watched a train pull in within seconds of its ETA, you’ll know that this small country knows how to get shit done. The Geneva auto show is no exception. Its precise schedule and small scale make it the crown jewel of car confabs. This year, there was enough greenwashing to scrub the Amazon clean. Where once style, performance and a beautiful babe made show cars sexy, halo cars must now wear a badge proclaiming “Saving the planet one car at a time.” As if.
Of course, a hypocritical herd instinct does not an exciting auto show make. How many plug-in diesel-electric belt-assisted hydrogen-fuel-cell regenerative-braking lithium-ion dual-fuel unrealistically aerodynamic hybrid alibimobiles planned for 2011 were there? Lots. Suffice it to say, GM introduced its fifth hybrid powerplant at the Geneva show, a marginal improvement that’s testimony to the intensity of the PR war waged in the name your home planet.
And let's not talk about non-news such as the Audi A4 Avant. Or the Toyota Urban Cruiser (wasn't there an Al Pacino movie by that name?) which leaps to the top of the ten most boring Toyotas ever made in the history of the world, ever.
Meanwhile, the Tiny-Yet-Sexy niche continues to, uh, grow. We’re talking (comparatively) expensive little things that intend to make you feel good about yourself, the environment and parking (not necessarily in that order). As Paul Niedermeyer pointed out, this is the small car future that the MINI started. Toyota's iQ could take it mainstream. Priced higher than the larger Aygo, it looks great and sips fuel.
Another important trend: the Almost-Disposably-Cheap-Yet-Quite-Crap car. Mr. Tata brought the Nano to Geveva in his hand luggage. It’s an attractive appliance, a sympathetic amoeba on roller skates. Yes it has 12" wheels, but the original Mini had ten-inchers. The €9k-ish Dacia Sandero is of the same ilk. Taking purchasing power parity into account, that’s about $8k net, list. The Nissan Pivo is a bit more expensive and a lot more sci-fi, but if this is the future, include me in.
If you need another sign that Renault-Nissan is bursting with self-confidence, how about the Euro-Zone launch of their American (shhh) Infiniti brand? The FX50 is quite the looker. It’s not the segment buster they need, perhaps, but the FX is a lot more distinctive that the G-cars that’ll battle Bimmer’s best.
The stubby/cheeky Audi A3 Cabrio lives somewhere between laughable and laudable. The Cadillac CTS Coupe may not be the brand builder traditionalists seek (V16?), but it gets nothing but props here. It’s Caddy’s best chance abroad.
I liked the suicide doors on the future Opel Meriva– it's a good sign when a company devotes itself to a topic as prosaic as entry and egress. Surprisingly, the Passat CC is a fantastic improvement on the conventional, frumpy Passat. Honda displayed its handsome, competent Euro-Accords on a blood-red floor. The setting was dramatic, but unnecessary– unless you’re a big fan of The Shining.
Kia's Soul concepts, which intend to emulate Scion in being young & groovy, is interesting, but not quite convincing. The Soul Burner: I thought that was something you ordered at the Indian-food takeaway. The Soul Diva: a bit Paris-Hiltonny, no? The Soul Searcher: this one I liked. Rural and tough-looking, but not macho or in-your-face. Sorta kinda like the Cévennes Turbo-CNG: a futuristic eco-car which rips off the Porsche 356? And the Magna-Steyr Hybrid is the way I like off-road vehicles: less fat, more fun!
BMW showed its X6. It looks a lot less ugly in the metal than on paper, but it still makes about as much sense as broken cuckoo clock. The Skoda Superb is a lot more sensible, although BMW called and they want their Hoffmeister kink back. Volkswagen should consider taking back– and Americans should stop lusting after– the new Portuguese-built Scirocco. It’s a lumpen, fat, graceless, derivative car: an amalgam of Alfa Brera, VW Passat and whatnot.
BYD– isn't that how they pronounce "bird" in the Bronx? In this case, it stands for Build Your Dreams, Chinese style. Of course, Geneva was full of catchphrases. Maserati had "Excellence through Passion." Bentley left the caps lock on, promising "RELAXING EXILARATION," "DRIVEN BY YOUR DESIRES" and "THE SEDUCTION OF YOUR SENSES.”
VW officially unveiled their new global mantra: Engineered Like No Other Porsche in the World. No, wait. It was “Das Auto” or “the car.” This must piss-off Pontiac, who now insists that Pontiac is Car. (This reminds of Garp’s father in The World According to Garp, who lost letters as he lost his life.) No matter what you call it, the main message coming out of Geneva is that small is beautiful. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
More by Martin Schwoerer
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"Toyota Urban Cruiser (wasn't there an Al Pacino movie by that name?) which leaps to the top of the ten most boring Toyotas ever made in the history of the world, ever." To leap to the top of the most boring cars that Toyota has ever made, it must be a car so boring that it can be used as a weapon in the War on Terror. "Ahmed, take this Urban (yawn) Cruiser and, uh, (yawn) uh, go and blow (yawn) up the, uh, American, uh, (snoring)...."
I usually see eye-to-eye with most TTAC editorials but this one left me puzzled.