In what amounts to a landmark policy shift, NHTSA now recommends that customers take quality problems in their own hands, and perform recalls themselves. Take NHTSA Campaign ID number 10V305000.

If checking whether your car has been recalled is part of your morning routine and civic duty, then you were greeted by the above message this morning. Defects appear to be contagious. The insidious part: The NHTSA recall database appears to be operational. You are left clueless about what is and what isn’t working. Troubles without a fix? Ghost in a machine? Is the database safe for us to use?

Unsure of what to do about its nearly $20b budget deficit, California is entertaining some pretty wild ideas. And no, not legalizing and taxing marijuana. According to Yahoo News, State Sen. Curren Price is introducing legislation that would replace license plates with digital versions which

would mimic a standard license plate when the vehicle is in motion but would switch to digital ads or other messages when it is stopped for more than four seconds, whether in traffic or at a red light. The license plate number would remain visible at all times in some section of the screen.

Yes, advertising on license plates. Ray LaHood’s distracted driving crusade be damned, California is on a mission to prove that the movie Idiocracy was right. Luckily there’s a slight hitch…

I’m afraid our friends over at Gasgoo need a little parental oversight. Or the good folks at China’s premiere auto business site shouldn’t been drinking while posting. Today, they report that the Chinese government invested 5 billion yuan ($736m) in the “cash for clunkers” program last year. As of May 31, only 1.7 billion yuan ($250m) were handed out, with 3.3 billon yuan ($486m) left. No surprise to us. We never thought much of the program. In January, we said: “Due to the relatively young fleet in China, the impact of the cash for clunkers program on sales is expected to be small.” So far so good.

Now for a huge leap of logic:

“Therefore, the country’s automobile consumption in the next seven months will certainly be doubled,” say our friends at Gasgoo.

Shenme? (Say what????)

Hyundai’s been getting a bit of flack for a version of this advertisement, which some say makes a mockery of the Catholic faith. Frankly, we think the ad after the jump (which may or may not be real) is simultaneously more blasphemous and funnier. Do you agree?

[The top ad is not the most allegedly anti-Catholic version, apparently. We will post the more offensive version as soon as it shows up, naturally]

While LeMons’ Judges Jonny and Phil took a breather to get married (not to each other) I was one of four people with the honor of taking their place. It’s true, there was a quartet of judges needed to do what those two professionals do on a regular basis, no matter what previous accounts may suggest. So I inspected close to 100 crap cars to see if they meet LeMons’ $500 purchase price criteria. And while I did, I found the Ten Coolest Engineering Feats of The 24 Hours of LeMons. So let’s get right to it.

The Nikkei [sub] announces that Daimler’s Mercedes-Benz division is unleashing a global advertising campaign on the world, including a new advertising slogan and – while we are at it – a redesigned version of its three-pointed star. “Our claim has to reflect that we want to be the best in all disciplines,” said Mercedes-Benz sales chief Joachim Schmidt. And so their new global advertising slogan is …

On the heels of a Ben Gurion University study showing that drivers under the influence of marijuana are less dangerous than drunk drivers, comes yet another study indicating that driving stoned might not be quite as bad as some think. Published in the Journal of Psychoactive Drugs, the Hartford Hospital/University of Iowa study titled “Sex differences in the effects of marijuana on simulated driving performance,” concludes that:

Under the influence of marijuana, participants decreased their speed and failed to show expected practice effects during a distracted drive. No differences were found during the baseline driving segment or collision avoidance scenarios. No differences attributable to sex were observed. This study enhances the current literature by identifying distracted driving and the integration of prior experience as particularly problematic under the influence of marijuana.

Irie!

Why do drug smugglers use Chrysler’s patented Stow ‘N Go storage system to smuggle $100k worth of marijuana across the Mexican border? Because they can. Or, because Wieden + Kennedy have another Caravan ad to make. But this is hardly the most entertaining shot from the LA Times’ gallery of “Bizarre Border Busts” [Hat Tip: Richard Chen]. No, you’ll have to hit the jump for that one…

Wait, Steve Jobs is signing up for an EV at the rollout of the new iPhone? Is the zen master of Silicon Valley a Volt guy or a Leaf lover?

World Cup Soccer: the hidden killer. German scientists dispatch their top men to understand exactly how wrong things can go when you celebrate a World Cup victory by piling drunk fans into a car and performing a low-speed victory parade. Of course, this simulation clearly needs some work. Among the obvious missing factors: a keg of beer in the back seat, three inches of oversteer-inducing vomit on the road, and a healthy serving of casual racism. Ah, football!

Drivers tooling around East College Avenue that runs past the Penn State campus showed symptoms of distracted driving after an encounter with an electronic road sign. It flashed the common “Stay Safe PA,” followed by a highly uncommon “Check for Smegma.”

To those not in the know, Centre Daily provided the needed trivia:

It has been almost three years since a young Saint Louis, Missouri motorist drew national attention by videotaping an out-of-control police officer’s profanity-laced tirade during a traffic stop ( view video). St. George Police Sergeant James Kuehnlein was fired because of the bad publicity generated by the incident captured by the taping system that Brett Darrow, 23, installed in his 1997 Nissan Maxima. On Saturday, St. Louis County Police stopped Darrow once again.

Actually, he’s been broke for since last October.

“About four months ago, I ran out of cash,” Musk wrote in a court filing with the Superior Court of Los Angeles on Feb. 23. “I had to obtain emergency loans from personal friends. These loans are the exclusive source of cash I have. If I did not take these loans, I would have no liquid assets left.” Tough when you make only 8 grand a month and have two high maintenance women.

As I noted in my most recent review, TTAC’s coverage of cars and the companies that create them are based largely on the power of the internet to deliver the latest news on which to base our breaking analysis. And though a constant stream of news-based analysis will continue to define TTAC’s content, it’s also become clear to me that we (myself, in particular) need to spend more time behind the wheel even if that means a little less time behind the keyboard.

It was just this guy that thought that this was how you got something to Toyota’s research and develop office

Sgt. K.S. Dickson of the Winfield (West Virginia) State Police detachment had wvgazette.com by way of explaining the recent bomb scares at four of Toyota’s US facilities. Apparently the suspicious packages were sent by a Nigerian inventor trying to sell his turn signal design to Toyota. After one package was “disrupted” by a police bomb squad, it was discovered that

There were no explosives in the box, just relay switches, wiring and film canisters, in addition to a letter from the Nigerian man claiming to be an engineer

Workers in an Indiana post office were forced to evacuate their workplace yesterday, when the fourth “hoax bomb” targeting Toyota’s US facilities in the last week was discovered there. The AP [via Google] reports that the latest package was addressed to Toyota Motor Manufacturing Indiana in Princeton, IN and according to Toyota spokesfolks, it is

similar to other suspicious packages mailed to our corporate office in Erlanger, Kentucky, on Friday and our West Virginia and Texas plants on Monday. All of these packages were found to be non-threatening

All four packages bore handwritten originating addresses in Nigeria, and contained devices described in the latest instance as a cardboard tube containing electronic components. Auto industry PR guys, you have a new worst-case scenario…

About a half-hour after TTAC’s 15 Years of Compact Car Sales graph went up today, the normally enthusiast-oriented car blog Jalopnik gave the internet its own take on compact-car segment analysis with a post titled The Ford Fiesta Will Dominate The Small Car Segment. Some might question how this is supposed to jive with Jalopnik’s alleged commitment to “awesomeness,” but our concerns are far more prosaic. Examples: the absence of the Fiesta’s actual competitors like the Honda Fit, Nissan Versa and Toyota Yaris, and the absence of interior volume comparisons which would expose this “comparison” for the fraud it is. And that’s just for starters…

I received a love note from (former TTAC scribe) Frank Williams that was more than a little irk-inspiring. Frank still reads AutoWeek, but that’s not a big deal: he noticed that Senior Editor Mark Vaughn’s column on the print rag is called “Piston Slap.” Or to put it in his own words:

“I don’t know how long he’s been using it, because this is just bathroom reading material that I toss as soon as I finish so I don’t have any back issues to look at. However, I’ll bet your use of the title predates his. Sounds like the making of a snarky blog to me.”

From John Dillinger to Nicolas Cage, the car industry has always needed villains. In fact, one could almost make the argument that the entire top quarter or so of the luxury car market is wholly dependent on scumbags of one kind or another. As Raymond Chandler once noted, there’s no honest way to make a hundred million bucks… and spending millions on cars is a great way to advertise one’s comfort with the moral ambiguities of ostentatious wealth. So when America’s most notoriously crooked car dealer, a certain Denny Hecker, auctions off his personal fleet as part of his $767m bankruptcy (itself triggered by 25 counts of fraud and related criminal charges), you expect to see some good stuff hitting the block.

Today, we’re setting the way-back machine for 1999 for an ABC “exclusive” behind the scenes of General Motors. Rick Wagoner is in charge, market share is dropping and the Aztek still hasn’t emerged from its camouflage. It’s a more innocent time, as evidenced by ABC’s breathless, toothless reportage, and it makes for good nostalgia and good schadenfreude. Does it get any better than that?

The ironic rap video… yeah, there’s something the potential minivan driver will find hip and edgy.

[Editor’s Note: The following farewell message from GM Vice Chairman “Maximum” Bob Lutz was published today at GM’s Fastlane blog. In honor of Lutz’s larger-than life presence on the American auto scene, we are republishing his official goodbye in its entirety. Thanks for the memories, Bob!]

As I mark my last day at General Motors today, I want to say a special thank you and farewell to the loyal readers of FastLane. This blog would not have been the success it has become without you, and I’m sure you’ll continue to read the many interesting posts about GM and its vehicles that will follow on these virtual pages.

Having run Brilliance out of Europe, the ADAC had to look elsewhere for this latest bit of YouTube entertainment. And how did they find their shocking footage du jour? By running an ESP-less French compact “tallboy” wagon (specifically, the Citroen Nemo) through its infamous “Moose Test.” But don’t worry too much Citroen: past Moose Test failures include the Mercedes A Class, the Renault Kangoo, and Toyota HiLux.

Friday’s announcement of mindblowing Chinese sales numbers must have had an effect on the minds of the reporting profession, as evidenced by a quick read of the news. They are all over the landscape.

As many as 800 workers at Denmark’s Carlsberg brewery walked off the job yesterday, after management restricted beer drinking to lunch hours and the company cafeteria. Previously, workers had access to beer around their work sites, and could drink at their own discretion. By now you’re probably either Googling “Carlsberg job openings” or wondering what the car angle to this story is. Actually, it’s more of a truck angle. Take it away, Associated Press [via Google]:

With about $34.4b in debt and a selling rate that’s being propped up by incentives and fleet sales, Ford ain’t out of the woods yet by a long shot. But compared to the ongoing debacles in the RenCen and Auburn Hills, things are looking downright sunny under the sign of the Blue Oval. Most of the credit for that tends to go to CEO Alan Mulally, who left Boeing to assume control at Ford in 2006. There are people who want him gone.

When we wrote yesterday that GM’s „car of the future,“ to be shown at the upcoming Shanghai Expo, “looks more like an overgrown Segway scooter,” we meant it in jest. Turns out they are serious. It IS an overgrown Segway scooter.

Artist Jeremy Dean goes “Back To Futurama,” with this “horse-drawn testament to the collapse of the auto-industry.” [via animalnewyork.com, HT Richard Chen]

Umm, what’s that strange looking motorcycle up ahead?

Or is it the other way around? Based on the latest readings from our official TTAC losing-the-plot-ometer, Porsche is still at least ten years away from matching this spectacular achievement in short-sighted brand narcissism.

View more news videos at: http://www.nbcsandiego.com/video.

Draw your own conclusions. [ABC San Diego via Jalopnik]

As tipster starbird80 notes, “you see the strangest things on eBay!” But a Vista Cruiser Coupe (or is that a shooting brake)? Surely not…

This is left brain – right brain weekend. While the more image driven can submerge themselves in pictures of old car ads, the other faction can unleash their inner nerd with abandon. Yesterday, we covered how ABC had entered the grail of automotive disaster-fakery, previously populated by NBC and CBS. ABC’s smoking gun video had been torn to shreds.

Today, we turn our attention to the man who aided and abetted the tricksters: Associate professor David Gilbert of the renowned Southern Illinois University. His work has been inspected by Exponent, a research company hired by Toyota. Hired by Toyota? Well, that should discredit Exponent immediately. Not so fast.

Crash Sled thankfully has found a full copy of Exponent’s retort to Gilbert’s machinations. The report is hosted on the ABC website, so we can assume it passed ABC’s scrutiny, for what that may be worth. Let’s look at the report a little closer.

Warning: This discussion needs a basic understanding of electric circuitry. If that’s not your thing, then don’t waste you time reading further. We’ll leave you to Sunday’s pictures with the message that Gilbert is a charlatan extraordinaire, and that whoever put him on the stand to make a case against Toyota needs to have his or her head examined. However, should you own a 2010 Toyota Avalon, then you have slight cause for concern.

Think you have it figured out? Hit the jump for the answer…

It was bound to happen. Combine the irresistible force of the Datsun 240 Z with the charming demeanor of TTAC’s “LeMons Racing Experience” (LRE) team captain, Troy Hogan, and we were bound to win something. And that point was the February 2010 running of the 24 Hours of LeMons in Houston.

We didn’t win the race, unless in 28th place counts as winning. But this time we got a prize, the highly coveted Index of Effluency now rests on our mantle: and it is the top prize in LeMon Land. To quote judge Murilee Martin,it is “the pinnacle of all LeMons awards….(given) to the team that accomplishes the most with the crappiest car.” While we always had the latter, the former is the textbook definition of “added perk.” And our new paint job (fashioned from the Paul Newman-era BRE racing livery) certainly looks trophy-worthy. The $1500 worth of nickels didn’t hurt either, even if we shouldn’t put them on the roof of the car for photography.