Hammer Time: Longevity

How many of you have ever eaten horse chow? What? You don’t know what it is? Well it’s made out of four key ingredients. Oats, olive oil, honey and a bit of peanut butter added if you want extra richness. It’s the basic original granola and for the last fifteen years it has encompassed most of my breakfasts. Sounds healthy and a bit dull on paper. But it’s surprisingly good to eat.

Which brings me to a related question about our cars. What we can do to and for our own vehicles to keep them healthy and running strong?

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Hammer Time: Abandoned Hope

It was Tamara’s first new car. A 2003 Saturn VUE AWD with a 4-cylinder and all the options. Out the door at $25,000. Overjoyed to have finally afforded her very own new car, Tamara splurged and spoiled it. Saturn seat covers soon adorned the interior and a chrome grille guard was added to give her cute zonker yellow ride a bit more gravitas. The Vue would be her absolute pride and joy for the next seven years.

Until it died. Seven years, two transmissions and only 69k miles, Tamara got fed up with being one of many victims of an under-engineered CVT. Besides she couldn’t afford the $5000+ bill.

Yet she wasnt alone. Far from it. Tamara is just one of thousands of folks who have been given the stiff arm by a manufacturer. All the major manufacturers do this to a degree and no, it’s not because they are evil and uncaring. You have to draw a line somewhere.

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Hammer Time: The County Auction

Have you ever dreamed of owning a big red fire truck? Well here’s your golden opportunity.

Counties, cities, municipalities and parishes throughout the country get rid of their surplus government cheese through auctions. Police cars, fire trucks, commercial lawn mowers, dump trucks, confiscated merchandise, and most everything you can find inside a modern office are available for bidding.

The trick is to know when to bid enough.

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Rent, Lease, Sell or Keep: 2006 Chrysler Town & Country

There are two extremes when it comes to minivan buyers. There are those who want all the options and knick-knack’s checked and marked for their next Mommy-mobile. Automatic dual sliding doors. DVD systems that can offer a continuous loop of ‘Barney’. Fortress like levels of safety and space combined with enough airbags and sound insulation to make even the worst of traffic a passing thought.

Then there’s the buyer for this minivan.

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Hammer Time: Of Man And Minivan

Want a cheap car? Buy a minivan. Even in today’s tough market, a minivan is a tough sell. A dealer friend of mine now has over 50 minivans spread out at four different locations. Not a single one sold so far this month. Only three sold the month before. In our business we don’t call that slow. We call that, “Yikes!”

It’s as if minivans are the automotive version of leprosy. Or perhaps the 2000’s version of a station wagon. Nobody wants em’. Nobody buys em’.

But should they?

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Hammer Time: The Chosen

Every night before I go the an auto auction, I do a mental exercise. It involves figuring out exactly what I’m going to bid on and why. My lot is small and as a consequence, I’m very minded of what is chosen. If the vehicle you buy is bought at a great price but sits, you just screwed yourself. It’s always better to get the popular cars… unless you find something really out of left field.

Then you can get a real killer deal.

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Hammer Time: Fascism on Four Wheels

“We just got cited Steve.” My wife had called me and sounded as confused as could be.

“What?”

“Something about Code 2009… I can’t read this… hold on…”

“Honey? What the hell does that mean?”

It turns out that I had been cited for a truly heinous and despicable act. Parking my own car on my own driveway. Some misguided jackass (we’ll just call her Jacqueline) had decided to inform me that my car, the Barnacle Bitch, was now a flagrant violator of the county’s brand new law.

Here is what it stated:

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Hammer Time: Dave Ramsey, Bad Math & Statistical Quagmires

Dave Ramsey has done an awful lot of good in this world. Millions have been helped. Billions in debt has been eradicated forever. Plus now a lot of folks finally understand that consumer debt is little more than a barnacle of financial enslavement. When it comes to frugality and avoiding consumer spending traps, Dave Ramsey offers a lot of solid advice.

So having said that, will this article be another soulless puff piece about the virtues of Dave Ramseys methods? Hell no!. As much as I love the fact that he helps so many, I think his math is horrific and his conclusions are dead wrong. .

At least when it comes to cars.

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Hammer Time: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Cars have lost a lot since the 1990’s. How many of you remember ashtrays, crank windows, base AM/FM radios and motorized seatbelts? It used to be that…
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Hammer Time: Growing Up, Growing Fast

Our oldest daughter is in fifth grade. It scares me that in only four short years she will be able to drive one of our cars. Ten years from now she will be as old as I was when I met my wife for the first time. Is she finally growing up? Am I beginning to grow old? Who thought middle aged life would be so damn intense?

Like any Dad, I want to plan a few things for her. On one side I don’t want her to become in terminal need of ‘Economic Outpatient Care’. She has to establish her own merits and foundations.

But I also want her to have the freedom to focus on what’s important. School, learning about life far beyond the classroom, and the ultimate freedom to pursue what interests her without having to deal with the modern day debt trap.As much as I love cars, I realize that interests rarely pass down through the generations. Cars are nothing more than debtful transportation appliances for most folks. So here’s what my wife and I plan on doing for our daughter … car wise.

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Rent, Lease, Sell or Keep: 1999 Mazda MX-5

What would be your ideal car? Would you like to have the best of the best? A car that offers all the power and luxury an enthusiast could ever desire?

Or are your tastes a bit simpler? An amply powered but safe utility vehicle that will let you do all your work without a hint of regret about scratches or four figured maintenance bills.

This ‘ideal car’ question yields a thousand shades of gray in practice. Take this Mazda MX-5 for instance.

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Auction Day: From Hydrogen to Helium

This market has ceased to make sense.

$7300 (plus auction fee) for a 2003 Honda Accord EX coupe with 220k and a bad rear bumper.

$8800 (plus auction fee) for a 2003 Chevy Tahoe with 102k and scrapes along the side.

$23,800 (plus auction fee) for a 2003 Corvette Z06 with 16k and some really crappy plastic add-on’s.

Keep in mind that last price was well over two grand higher than on Ebay. Same miles. No Wal-Mart quality chrome add-on’s. No interior detail needed.

What the hell has happened to the car market?

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Hammer Time: The Thrill Of The Shill

There are three roads for auto writers.

The first is the ‘golden’ road. You simply buy or test drive a car with no string attached. Consumer Reports and guerrilla reviewers who ‘test drive’ at the dealership are the recipients of this honor.

The second is the ‘reality’ road. You use the press fleets and go to sponsored events. It cost less. But you realize the shiny happy PR people are going to try to twist your arm.

Most successful journalists start at the guerrilla side of number one and end up at number two.

But there are a ‘chosen few’ who embrace a third road… the mouthpiece road. Who knows? If you can shill and ‘build’ your relationships, you may just end up with a Maserati.

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Hammer Time: The Real Rock Stars

“Steve, whatever you like! It’s yours!”

I was standing inside one of the most notorious strip clubs in the French Quarter. Women everywhere who collectively had less clothing on than I had on my right foot. There was a side area where I could enjoy the newfound festivities without the prying and amused eyes of my host. I was young, 30, wife and two kids. Thankfully, that area also had an exit.

The chance of me doing something was about the same as the Kia Rio becoming the official car of the Royals. It wasn’t gonna happen. But there was a LOT that did happen, from that first day on through the next two years.

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Catch TTAC's Steve Lang On The "Wheels Events Radio Hour," At 7PM Eastern
TTAC’s own Steve Lang writes:I will be filling for a couple of good friends at a radio show this evening. The ‘Wheels Events Radio Hour’ wi…
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Hammer Time: What Pisses You Off?
Traffic? Politics? People who invoke the name Jesus 67 times in a two minute conversation? Those are universal ‘triggers’. But what about cars? I…
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Rent, Lease, Sell or Keep: 1989 Mercedes-Benz 420 SEL

$100,000 can buy you an awful lot of cars these days. This morning I could have bought a 2011 Lotus Elise with 1100 miles ($42k), a 2003 Chevrolet Corvette Z06 with 16,000 miles ($24k), a 2003 BMW 745Li in mint condition with 80k (18K), and enough left over to take my family on a two month cruise.

But back in 1989 I could not have bought this car brand new for $100K. Not even close. A Mercedes 420 SEL would have set you back $111,000 in inflation adjusted terms before adding options, taxes and bogus fees.

I ended up buying the one pictured a few weeks ago for $1300 (and $115 auction fee). Should I…

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Hammer Time: 17 Hours of Hell

A 2000 mile road trip to drive…the 2012 Toyota Camry? Oh well. I needed a break from the world, and what better way to do it than with some quiet time and a huge tax write-off. At 5:54 A.M. I fired my ride for what turned out to be 17 hours of pure hell.

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Rent, Lease, Sell or Keep: 1996 Dodge Intrepid ES

The 1st generation LH sedans. Dodge Intrepid. Chrysler Concorde. Eagle Vision. These three beautiful masterpieces took Chrysler from an amortizing also-ran to a technological front-runner.

They offered everything back in the day. An optional 214 Horsepower engine that used the twice as expensive Acura Legend’s engine as a benchmark. Cab forward styling that transformed Chrysler’s bread and butter cars from staid three-box K car creations to coveted sleek machines. Oh and the features? Unbeatable for the time. Traction control. Leather seats that were angus thick. Infinity sound systems. They were hard to beat… and yet so easily beaten.

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Hammer Time: Let's Party Like It's 1989

Wake up. Have breakfast. Head off to work. Wait… you need to put on some decent clothes for goodness sake! You’re not a teenager anymore.

You put on the finest thrift store clothes you can find and head off to your car and… wow! Who put a Delorean with a flux capacitor and gullwing doors on your driveway?

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Collectible or Consumable?: 1995 Lincoln Town Car

Twenty years from now I’ll still be looking at cars. They may become faster than today’s sports cars and more luxurious than a Mercedes S-Class. But many of us enthusiasts will find something missing within all their awesomeness

That’s because great cars are not about perfection. They are about character. With that in mind, I found a pristine 1995 Lincoln Town Car the other day. With good miles, pristine leather, and a driving experience as Americana as a 1965 Mustang, it may someday become a collectible worth keeping. But then again…

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How To Buy A Used Car Part 4: Negotiating
[Ed: Part one of Steve Lang’s updated used car buying guide is here, part two is here, and part three is here.]

When it comes to buying a used car there are two basic negotiating mindsets. You can either be fair and decent or unfair and obnoxious. If you seek to chisel and deceive then chances are you will get a bad car. Only the desperate and deceitful are willing to put up with that type of BS.

Want a ‘great’ car? Then realize that many sellers respond extremely well to honesty and decency. Win – win is no sin. So, karma lovers, here’s some tips for negotiating the purchase of a used car by observing the Golden Rule.

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Hammer Time: Aberrations

Last night I sold a car. Not just any other vehicle but the ‘family’ vehicle. A 2003 Honda Civic Hybrid that I purchased three years ago for $6500. For 50,300 miles it proved to be a perfect fit for a family of four. My wife loved it. But with used car prices outperforming in a three year period what the Dow couldn’t attain in ten I decided to cash it in. The price three years and 50k later? $6450.

I wasn’t smart when I got that price last night. I was lucky.

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How to Buy a Used Car - Pt. 3: Due Diligence (The Inspection)

[Ed: Part one of Steve Lang’s updated used car buying guide is here, part two is here.]

You can rigorously apply the tests described by previous installments of this series without encountering a single setback. However when it comes to buying a used car it pays to assume one simple salient fact: you don’t know the complete truth. At least not yet.

When it comes to pursuing the deeper truths about a used car an experienced mechanic will inevitably become your greatest ally and advocate. For most consumers finding a knowledgeable mechanic will be the most important step in the used car buying process.

Before we talk about that, I want to be perfectly clear on this point. A used car is guilty until proven innocent. Do not buy one without taking the car for a professional inspection. If the seller doesn’t agree to let you do so you’re done. Period. No exceptions. Ever.

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Hammer Time: Who Should Lease?

Who should lease? Some folks believe that short term non-ownership is the perfect fit for the über-rich and nouveau riche. The rich can afford to drive whatever strikes their fancy after all… and who wants to own a Taurus when you can lease a Bentley?

As for the new rich or the soon to be rich; they also need a taste of their success. So why not a lease? Well, because I have gone nearly blue in my face over the years telling aspiring lessees that the math doesn’t work. Convenience… perhaps… worry-free ownership… maybe. But moneywise? Nein. Nyet. No.

Reason can only go so far in life. Even enthusiasts have a thing for the automotive fling. So here are seven types of lease happy shoppers I’ve met in my travels. In their own words of course.

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Hammer Time: The Eagle and the Phoenix
I made my first fortune in Chrysler. Back in 1991 I bought 250 shares of the company at a mere $10 a share. It was all I had at the time and everyone in my f…
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Hammer Time: Auto or Stick?

You come to a gala press event filled with beautiful sheetmetal and old friends. The lunch is catered and the folks hosting the event go completely out of their way to make you happy. So far so good!

They have a fair amount riding on their new billion dollar entry level car. Tens of thousands of people will earn their livelihood on a model that promises to be ‘economical, sporty, and fun’ for only ‘$15,995!’ (before destination charge, tax, tag, title fee, and other bogus charges laden in dealer inspired small print).

Right now that ‘real’ cost doesn’t matter to you. You came to write a review, give it a fair shake, and inform the two million monthly visitors at this site that seek honesty and truth above all else. You walk up to the car. Sit down with another writer. Turn the key. Drive off… and…

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Auction Day: A Z3 Surprise Edition

The BMW Z3. In my mind this model is the only convertible of the late-90’s that made the 2nd gen MX-5 seem… a bit plain. Even with a near 10k premium when it was released, this car was quite a hot commodity for those willing to pay for the privelege.

But what if we could turn back time just a bit? What if right now I could get you a forest green 1997 BMW Z3 with the 1.9L four cylinder, all the options and only 21,000 miles on it? Would you be willing to pay.. say… $10,000+? Well guess what…

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Rent, Lease, Sell or Keep: 1986 Toyota Cressida

I was happy as can be this past Monday. A 1999 Firebird with T-Tops was bought for the princely sum of $2750 at a recent sale. Then there was something I hadn’t experienced in a long while. A $300 car. A ‘good’ $300 car. The type that may have nothing more than a banged in door or a mechanical issue easily corrected by visiting an enthusiast site. The car in question was a 1986 Toyota Cressida. Older than dirt as far as cars go.

But then again could I…

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Hammer Time: Sell!

Timing isn’t everything, but it is pretty damn important when buying high dollar assets.

Back in April 2009 I told folks that now would be an ideal time to buy a new car. Demand had slacked off over 40% from the record highs. Dead and dying brands were still in the glut of recessionary despair. The credit markets, the only financial source for a lot of car buyers, were a shadow of their former selves. Plus Uncle Sam was all too willing to subsidize the gluttons amongst us with Cash for Clunkers in about a month or two. It was the perfect storm for those of us who needed cheap new wheels for the long run. But today…

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Auction Monday: Shamu Edition

A 1991 Chevy Caprice in faded battleship grey went for $3000 at last week’s sale. It had only 37k miles. But none of the bells and whistles that would make such an old timer truly desirable. Now the 1996 Chevy Caprice with 71k and leather was a completely different story. Garage kept. No paint fade. All the bells and whistles in good working order. I was expecting around $5000 for this ancient beast.

It went for $5100. Truth be told this was the first auction with relatively decent prices in a long time. The 4th of July makes at least some of the dealers go away which was more than OK with me. I got four cars today. None of which were anything special.

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Hammer Time: The Runaround

No one likes to be jerked around. Unfortunately in the car business you can meet an awful lot of jerks. The jerk arbitrating vehicles at the auto auction who says, ‘How do you know it’s True Miles Unknown?” when the Carfax history shows the odometer hasn’t moved since the Clinton administration. The jerk who tries to charge you $800 for ‘computer reprogramming’ when the repair is already subject to the open recall by the NHTSA. Then there are the really bad ones…

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Auction Day: Funny Money Edition

Would you pay over $3000 for a 20 year old car? How about if it was a base 1991 Chevrolet Caprice in faded battleship grey with only 37,000 miles? As much as I love driving a big boat, owning an ancient mariner like this Caprice would have been no picnic. By the time you end up replacing all the worn items and catch up on the maintenance issues, you would be looking at nearly $4,000. It wasn’t a great deal. But with 95 dealers all looking at the same vehicle crossing the block, I got to see a lot worse.

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Hammer Time: Good Works

Most folks will tell you how great they are. It’s not an evil thing. Just a gut reaction to personal insecurities. The great men… let others do their talking. Evil souls will pay someone for the pontificating privileges (and turn on them after the fact). However the greatest of men… tells no one of their good deeds. You don’t need faith or even a financial perk to ‘pay it forward’ and help out folks in need. With that in mind let me tell you about one of the many great men you’ve never met.

His name is George. Not a famous George like a Steinbrenner or a Stephanopoulos. Not even a Bailey or a Jetson. George is an everyday guy. Like most of us here he is also a bit of a goofball. George spends his work days designing all sorts of logos and emblems for off-beat brands. If there is a cultural creative somewhere in his neck of the woods chances are they would benefit from his talents. Unfortunately one of his in-law’s died from lung cancer a few years back. It was a soul bending, brutal and sickening experience. So he has over the years donated two vehicles towards the American Lung Association. Both Toyotas. Both of which do very well in dealer auctions that focus on overseas markets. Here’s his story. Enjoy!

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Hammer Time: It's A Given!

Nothing drives like a Mercedes. Toyotas are reliable… but expensive. Honda makes great stickshifts. 20 years ago you could say all of these statements with complete confidence. The world had been a simpler place with brands that offered a very stringent range of offerings to a very particular audience. Now it seems that all the lines of differentiation have been smudged and greyed out.

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Hammer Time: The Parent's Car

Some families consider arguments to be ‘discussions’. Mine was definitely among them. As the youngest of four brothers it was a hassle for me to even get a word in at the dinner table. Everyone had an opinion… and damn it, they were all wrong! Especially when it came to cars.

My Dad wanted to replace his 1987 Lincoln Continental which back then had reached the ‘100k trade-in’ point. I told him that the car had plenty of life left. But the more I talked, the more I realized that no form of reason would ever penetrate his viewpoint.

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Hammer Time: The Boss Killed My Car

Your worst nightmare. A pleasant drive along a yawning rural two-laner is met by a sudden ‘jolt!’ You quickly take your foot off the accelerator. Was it a transmission shudder? A miss in the engine? Some gravitational push from a UFO? After a couple of mini-jolts it looks like problem number one. You do what you can to not stress the tranny. But it gets worse and worse until ‘jolt!’ ‘JOLT!’ ‘Veeeee!!!!’ The engine spins over to the high rpm’s with nothing left to propel it. The tranny is toast… and now the fun begins.

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Hammer Time: Why Keep It?

I have always been a ‘keeper’. Even though my inventory varies these days from muscle car’s to minivan’s, my own daily driver has always been a long-term affair. It’s an addiction that goes well beyond cars. Quality, stewardship. An opportunity to make your professional work enduring. Keeping and preserving your ride usually goes well beyond the economics of the car itself. That’s why the most fervent of horse traders in any business will eventually find a personal keeper or two. And chances are it’s not always going to be something that is flashy or popular.

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Hammer Time: The Best Family Vacation Rides

The Griswolds had ultimate nerd-chic space and style with their 1970’s Wagonqueen Family Truckster. But the fuel economy? About 10 mpg. The ride? Pogo stick bad. Never mind the fact that the dog needed to huff it all by itself (with tragic consequences). We’ve definitely come a long way from the poorly designed body on frame vehicle of the 1970’s.

Today’s compacts can even swallow a week’s worth of groceries given the right planning. Gas may be $4 a gallon and the roads cram packed with slow rides and rubbernecks. . But your ride can still offer serious comfort, fun and savings if you plan for it. Here are some of my favorites.

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Hammer Time: The Polar Bear

Back in 1999 I was having the time of my life. In three months I had managed to become a part of five different auto auctions in the Southeast. My job in the beginning was to be a ringman. The guy who would hoot, holler and help the auctioneer create the urgency to buy. Two degrees. A BBA and an M.Ed. and what was that day job again? To point at car dealers who wanted to bid and go ‘Yep!’. You know what? I was damned good at it.

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Hammer Time: Extreme Couponing Edition

Last year it was Quaker State. ‘Extreme Durability’ synthetic oil had flopped in the markeplace. A lowering of it’s price to $1.99 a quart plus a $10 mail-in rebate solved that issue for Quaker State. Not any profit there obviously. But oil is dirt cheap to produce and the new marketing campaign promised better returns for all that paid shelf space. Now Valvoline is performing a similar stunt for their ‘VR1 Racing Oil’. Six quarts of synthetic for free after the $50 mailin rebate. Just make sure you keep track of the rebate. Then you can…

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Rent, Lease, Sell or Keep: 1998 Volvo S70

Some folks in the industry believe that Toyota has decontented themselves out of the top tier of quality. I don’t know if that’s true… yet. But I do know that they are not the only non-domestic manufacturer to have gone down that path. Not long after Mercedes turned the W124 model into a glorified Taurus, the Swedes begin sauntering into the path of cheap redesigns.

The goal as always was profit. To make the cheaper product (the 1998 Volvo S70) resemble the better one (the much loved 1993 – 1997 Volvo 850). The outcome became very profitable… for me.

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Auction Monday: Carmax

Some folks say that stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Well, those folks have never been to an auto auction. Today we had over 95 dealers doing the same thing over and over again. Looking at a vehicle. Bidding it up to the nether-regions. Hoping that profit will come back via retail or buy here pay-here. Carmax has cutthroat middle-fingered competition at their dealer auctions and the prices reflect the screwing mentality that will likely be passed onto the bad credit consumer.

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Hammer Time: Conversion Vans

Who wants one these days? For the last ten years the entire conversion van industry has been pretty much niched out of existence. First minivans started becoming the mode of choice for those wanting a big screen and a wide array of entertainment options on the road. Then the mastodon SUV’s came to fore. Offering to tow your camper, pop-up, motorbikes, and pretty much anything else that you seemingly needed to take with you. That was only the beginning

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Hammer Time: Of Pins And Pricks

Beware of the pin-prick mentality. It blinds even the best of us in the automotive world.

A lot of great cars over the decades have been deflated by the nascent fashions of the moment. The Chrysler minivan was a slow seller when it was first released. “Too big. Too bulky. Not a wagon!” cried the conventional soothsayers of the status quo.

Then it sold like hotcakes. 10+ million vehicles in 20 years. Beetles. Corollas. The 1st gen Taurus. Just a few ‘weird cars’ have invoked more enduring design ideas for auto design folk than hundreds of conventional hum-drum models of modern time. Which now brings me to New York City’s next taxi. Will it shine like a beacon in the coming era? Or is the design more out of wack than John Rocker’s first visit to the Big Apple?

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Auction Monday: Oakwood



Wanna buy a Hummer? You can buy them as cheap as dirt these days. There was a beautiful one that went through the block at a weekly public auction in Oakwood, GA. Nice leather interior. Well kept. The H2 models in particular were an easy piece to market and sell not too long ago… but not last Thusday. It no-saled. Not even the hope of a bid at $13k. Then came the H3. No sale at 10k. No takers. Only two no-sales from new car stores that generally sell everything. Why?

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Hammer Time: Freebies

It was the good old days. The Summer of 2007. I had become one of the top buyers at a nearby discount parts store, and several others nearby wanted my business. At this point I was buying all my parts for my cars at ‘cost’ plus 10%. But that didn’t matter. Like the sub-prime world, the store managers were paid bonuses based on their volume of sales. Who needed profit when you could make it up with volume? Well, it took about a year for the guys up the chain of command to figure that out.

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Auction Monday: Carmax

149 vehicles were sold in 1 hour. From a 2008 Mercedes C300 Sport with 71k that went for $21,400 (plus fee) to a 1998 Lincoln Town Car Executive with 263k that went for $1,600. Seeing that one go down the line for that price made me feel pretty good. I had bought a mint one with 100,000 fewer miles for the same price the week before. But by the end of the day I felt pretty crappy overall. Why?

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Hammer Time: Behind The Gavel

Auto auctions are unique creatures. There are endless lines of cars going in and out of the lane. Auctioneers using their powers of persuasion to create the urgency to buy. Alliances. Egos. Organized chaos at every moment… and most of all a reserve price that has to be met come hell or high water. There is one unique twist to today’s auto auction world. Many buyers and sellers will never come to the auction. They are online. Viewing all the sales and inventory for the week on a computer. Which brings to me the first company featured in this three part installment:: Insurance Auto Auctions.

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Hammer Time: The Best Time

“When should I buy?” Some folks think that the end of the month is the best. Dealers need to hit their quotas and well.. isn’t every car salesman measured on their month end performance? Others believe that the best time to buy is when the new model’s change over during the August/September time frame. The manufacturers need to clear out those leftovers 2011 models for their recently pressed ‘new cars’. Most of the new cars are mostly the same so… why not just buy the old ones! Well, it’s not that simple.The answer to ‘when’ to buy always depends on three ‘whats’.

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Hammer Time: The Unwanted Car

It just sat there. A car that so many enthusiasts could appreciate, a grey market 1978 Mercedes 350 SE, just collected springtime pollen on my driveway. I had a helluva deal on it. Back in 2008 I had bought it for only $325 already ‘restored’. A dealer in the North Georgia area didn’t know what to do with it and decided to clean out his inventory for the month end. That was the good news. In fact that was great news since I always wanted an old European gasser Mercedes. The bad news was that I just could not stand driving that thing.

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Hammer Time: The Next Flat Tax

I hate politics. Neither side of the extremes can do math and everyone in between ends up paying for it all. I don’t care if you’re a Rep, Dem, Lib, Con, Tea, or the apathetic majority. Putting faith in political solutions when it comes to money is never worth the effort. With that said, my home state of Georgia is money crunched. They see an asset worthy of their financial portfolio and yes, it is the automobile.

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Hammer Time: The 'Keeper' Culture

My pants still fit me from college. Well, they are sweatpants after all. They were given to me by a friend of mine who is known as a ‘Datsunaholic’. He keeps a few old cars. A few of those models have been written up by Paul Niedermeyer who now keeps a lot of houses along with his new web site. He invariably finds ‘keeper folk’ from all walks of life. But most of the people he finds are not car enthusiasts at all. Why do they ‘keep’ these cars then? Are they perhaps hoarders? Do they suffer the afflictions of the wantless? Or is this just another write-up inspired by Kevin Bacon?

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My Auction Hell

Ed Niedermeyer is AWOL collecting bribes with hermaphrodite LeMons Judge Murilee Martin somewhere in – aha! – San Francisco. So Sajeev Mehta (bless his heart, why is he not judging?) tracked down our old friend Jehovah Johnson to write some fiction. Or was it the truth?

This is a story related to Steve Lang’s Hammer Time series. The following is an excerpt of something I wrote chronicling my two day tenure at an auction house down in the city. I’ve been in sales, particularly the auto industry, seemingly forever, so it’s not like I didn’t know what I was getting into. Several people thought this was creatively written, so I’m submitting it to you guys; post it, laugh at it, whatever you wish. Your website is great. Thanks and pull up a chair…

So I get there on Day 1, pumped – there’s about 500 cars outside, in various states of disrepair and readiness for sale but nevertheless. Go in, introduce myself, etc etc. I’ve officially arrived and am ready to solve your problems was the general tone. Met everyone, typical car environment segregation – males running the place/in sales with some excellent females on the phones and handling the accounting/secretarial – some serious talent was present in the back office. This is going to be fun, I thought.

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Hammer Time: A Time To Sell

Mark writes

Hi,

We will be buying a new car soon and that will leave us with an extra one. My experience selling a car myself makes me think we don’t really have the motivation to do it ourselves this time around.

The car is located in CT and is a White 2007 Hyundai Sonata SE with ~73k miles on it. The only option is the Sunroof. For whatever reason the side mirrors seem to attract having the outer housing broken, they sre still functional but the housing rattles.. I’ve replaced one, unpainted grey , and will be replacing the other shortly. There are no other issues with the car as I can tell. The emissions test is due next month, so I’ll have to have that done.

Any tips?

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Hammer Time: The $20,000 Question

Have you ever been made an offer you couldn’t refuse? You never know when it might happen, so a little practice can’t hurt. Here’s the scenario: thanks to one of my old friends from New Jersey who has an amazing collection of Louisville Sluggers, 200 thousand dollars has been allocated to TTAC’s writers. $20,000 each. You’re welcome.

There is one catch.

The writers at TTAC have to buy a new car. That’s right. One new car (no BOGO free deals for a leftover Aveo). It can be anything they like. Hyundai, Toyota, Chevy… Jaguar? Fat chance! These fellows can go a little over the $20k mark on the MSRP. But the real world price before tax, title, bullshit fees etc. has to be no more than $20k.

So what car will they get? Will they follow the bleating herd of Billy Joel fans and buy something more milquetoast than a Milan? Perhaps a beige Camcord with an off-creme interior? Or maybe a Jetta that’s been as thoroughly decontented as Christina Aguilera’s last album? Or will it be something a bit more in your face? Like a… well… let me get to that later. I have to go move some mink coats. Just remember, when you’re taking favors from guys in a certain line of work, every decision has consequences…

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Hammer Time: Charity Then, Charity Now

My memories of ‘charity cars’ are not fond ones. Back in the late 1990’s the dirtiest public auction in metro-Atlanta would line up about 50 of these vehicles for the beginning of their sale. The acrid smell of blown head gaskets and leaking oils of every type would soon emanate the auction as most of these vehicles were pushed past the block. Back then you could buy a non-running car for about $20, and a running one for no more than $250. The high bidders were usually dealers, who would then bring back the same vehicles the following week and try to sell them for huge markup’s.

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Hammer Time: Tax Season

When should you not buy a used car? Try right now. From mid-February thru early-June, the auto industry goes through an event called tax season. Folks receive their refund checks from the IRS, which in turn creates a nice little bubble of activity in the used car industry. Which is a good thing. Except that bubbles always have nasty repercussions down the road.

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(Sledge) Hammer Time: Get Out of My Life!

Sledgehammers aren’t a common mechanic’s tool. Yet there it was. In my neighbor’s hands as he sought to knock some sense into his old Saab. The trunk had leaked from day one and the wiring harness made the rear lights as helter-skelter as a Charlie Manson jailhouse flashback. The cops pulled him over for the third time in a week and as a special, “Thank you!”, to his car, he decided to give it an early Christmas present. Jersey style.

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Hammer Time: The Enthusiast Bent

I bought my house 14 years ago. It has 1800 square feet. Or maybe 1600? I honestly don’t know. From post-college corporate climbing to an endless string of automotive pursuits, it has remained my only ‘home’. I went through a lot of history here. Roommates. Marriage. Parenthood… and now I’m finally paying it all off. I supposedly missed a lot as far as homes go these last 10 years. The real estate boom happened all around me in northwest Atlanta. But I never missed it. In automotive terms, my house is a Toyota Corolla… with a hot tub, and I’m happy. Which makes me realize…

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