QOTD: The Worst Part of Growing Up?

The headline refers to the automobile itself, though it can just as easily refer to each and every one of us. We’re all along for the ride as the industry ditches coupes, sedans, affordable cars, and manual transmissions en masse, and there’s no option of tucking and rolling as the ride slows to turn a corner.

With that said, what recent addition to a vehicle’s content do you find most hard to live with? For our amusement, we’ll list a single rule: you can’t bitch about the loss of stick shifts.

The list of new kit is nearly endless, and with new features comes new things to break. Expensive sensors that turn a mild fender-bender into a big-bucks repair bill now grace an alarming number of bumpers. Auto stop/start is often annoying, but usually defeatable. We should all get down on our knees and give thanks that Chrysler’s Electronic Voice Alert is dead and buried, even though safety nannies infiltrate all vehicles with their lights and buzzers.

Sometimes you just want to crawl down a dirt trail with your seatbelt off.

As this writer thinks ahead in time, to that day when the Cruze goes the way of the last one (if it matches the first-gen’s longevity, the clock’s ticking fast), one feature comes to mind that I’ll do my very best to avoid: The electronic parking brake.

I loathe these things, and not just because replacing a nearly infallible (or at least cheap to repair) mechanical system with an electrical one seems ripe for headaches down the road. There’s a practical reason, too. Living as I do in the snow belt, the cursed white stuff that falls from the heavens each winter serves as a useful invitation to avoiding time-consuming U-turns and three-point turns. As a kid, one of my great joys was when dad would put our Olds wagon through its paces on the way to the grocery store, cranking that footbrake till the tail got happy, then bringing it all back in line.

“Do it again!” little Steph would shout, wishing he owned an ’83 Cutlass Cruiser.

Later in life, after front-drive living became my reality, I realized the benefit in having drive wheels that pull, not push. The reverse donut is both fun and a time-saver, but a forward 180, always just a yank away, spreads joy faster than Santa Claus. And speaking of front-drive, on at least a few occasions I’ve had to yank the parking brake to position the car in the right direction after a case of excessive plow. This normally occurs in deep snow during a left-hand turn onto a four-lane roadway. A bit of tail action, and you remain in your lane, free to live a life of religious fulfillment.

Good luck getting that infuriating e-brake button to cave to your whims. Yes, they serve a safety purpose in preventing rollaways, but we’re too coddled as it is.

So I’ll try to avoid such devices for as long as possible, despite the fact that an awful lot of excellent cars can’t be had with an old-fashioned, space-wasting, console-ruining hand lever between the seats. Sitting high on that list is the current and previous-gen Mazda 3. Bummer, as the 3 remains an excellent driver’s car for those of modest means.

[Image: Chris Tonn/TTAC]