Hardscrabble Car Salesman Wins Defamation Trial

Steph Willems
by Steph Willems

Sometimes the little guy wins.

Elon Musk, founder of a rocket ship company and CEO of a rising automobile company/cult, left a federal courtroom on Friday more emboldened than ever to say whatever he wants. A unanimous verdict handed down by the jury declared that calling an unknown British diver “pedo guy” on Twitter did not constitute defamation, thus allowing Musk, who has 30 million followers on the social media platform, to sidestep $190 million in damages.

“My faith in humanity is restored,” said Musk, who also called diver Vernon Unsworth a “child rapist” with no corroborating evidence in an email to a Buzzfeed reporter, upon leaving the courthouse.

Musk’s defence team, headed up by attorney Alex Spiro, argued successfully that their client was merely lashing out in anger at a man who helped orchestrate the successful rescue of a trapped children’s soccer team from a flooded Thai cave. Calling someone you’ve never met “pedo guy” on a public stage was just a meaningless slur, they claimed, rather than an accusation.

The jury agreed that Musk, who uttered the slur after Unsworth told him to stick his home-built submarine — deemed wholly insufficient for the task of rescuing the kids — up his own ass, did not deserve to face punishment for his actions.

Unsworth’s attorney, L. Lin Wood, called Musk a “billionaire bully” in his closing statement, claiming the tech guru “dropped a nuclear bomb” on his client. During this week’s legal process, Musk apologised to Unsworth and stated that he did not believe the man, whom he hired a grifter ex-con to dig up dirt on, was a pedophile.

In return, Spiro claimed Unsworth was not damaged by the accusations, adding, “You wanna award damages? How about one dollar?”

“This verdict puts everyone’s reputation at risk,” Wood later told reporters.

“I accept the jury’s verdict, take it on the chin and get on with my life,” Unsworth commented after court adjourned. “It’s not the verdict we wanted. But it’s the end of the road and we now close this chapter.”

It’s quite possible the jury realized this trial-by-Twitter would indeed set a precedent, preferring, in the end, to ensure that accusations of defamation on social media must require a greater degree of scrutiny.

Confident in their hero’s unsullied purity, Musk’s disciples followers then spent the rest of their Friday harassing Ford spokesman Mike Levine on Twitter.

[Sources: CNBC, Reuters] [Image: Tesla]

Steph Willems
Steph Willems

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  • ToddAtlasF1 ToddAtlasF1 on Dec 09, 2019

    “My faith in humanity is restored,” said Musk, who also called diver Vernon Unsworth a “child rapist” with no corroborating evidence in an email to a Buzzfeed reporter, upon leaving the courthouse. Musk will take care of himself at some point, unless one of his cars does.

  • BeerMe45 BeerMe45 on Dec 15, 2019

    Your new "Read all Comments" button will stop me from idly scrolling down. Now I have to make a choice. I'm trying to be entertained, and you are making me work. So far, I've clicked the button 50% of the time. So if you are going for more metrics on comments you can take heart in knowing people USED to read the comments more before the button appeared. FYI the End of Comments link is now broken. Clicking it before all the comments are loaded makes the browser reset to top of page.

  • W Conrad I'd gladly get an EV, but I can't even afford anything close to a new car right now. No doubt if EV's get more affordable more people will be buying them. It is a shame so many are stuck in their old ways with ICE vehicles. I realize EV's still have some use cases that don't work, but for many people they would work just fine with a slightly altered mindset.
  • Master Baiter There are plenty of affordable EVs--in China where they make all the batteries. Tesla is the only auto maker with a reasonably coherent strategy involving manufacturing their own cells in the United States. Tesla's problem now is I think they've run out of customers willing to put up with their goofy ergonomics to have a nice drive train.
  • Cprescott Doesn't any better in red than it did in white. Looks like an even uglier Honduh Civic 2 door with a hideous front end (and that is saying something about a Honduh).
  • Kwik_Shift_Pro4X Nice look, but too short.
  • EBFlex Considering Ford assured us the fake lightning was profitable at under $40k, I’d imagine these new EVs will start at $20k.
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