QOTD: Morning, Comrade - Shall We Visit the Politruk Today?

Steph Willems
by Steph Willems
qotd morning comrade shall we visit the politruk today

A good morning to each and every one of you. We know you’re eagerly looking forward to your Memorial Day long weekend, but there’s trouble brewing in this bucolic paradise. You see, oil and gas companies exist, and that’s bad. Also, there are car companies that manufacture products that ordinary citizens can buy, and they’re also allowed to — get this — advertise what they sell. Distasteful, we know.

What’s worse, lurking among the citizenry (most of whom are true of heart and noble in intention), is a subversive threat that can no longer be tolerated. They call themselves “journalists” — bored, bourgeois types, to be sure, but possessed with the notion that what they scribble about cars isn’t fully and completely tainted by the fact that car and oil companies can advertise. Bloated and decadent from the checks rolling in from ExxonMobil and General Motors, they profess to speak the truth.

We know this isn’t the case. Come with us, comrade, as we discuss a solution.

The apparatchiks in our California sector believe they have a way of undermining the influence of these dangerous charlatans. A man named Musk — we believe he’s part Canadian — suggests the creation of a website. Yes, there might be memes, but hear us out.

This website, you see, will allow the proletariat to rate, as Mr. Musk says, “the core truth of any article & track the credibility score over time of each journalist, editor & publication.” He’s thinking of calling it Pravda, which strikes us as a nice name. We’ve already performed the ground work.

Unless they’re stopped through online shaming from a website created by the head of a car company, these scribes, beholden to legacy automakers and their planet-destroying internal combustion engines, will set the green revolution back years. The wheels of the movement (which hasn’t yet produced a single low-cost car for the proletariat, but we’re working on it) will surely grind to a halt. Never mind that many of these legacy automakers already sell the same green products, only at a lower price point. They’re inferior!

We need the people to march… on down to Pravda to denounce the fevered scribblings of these so-called writers. We need the people to show the world that our leader, Mr. Musk, will not be cowed by the slander and lies emanating from this subversive subset. After all, we’re forced to make rosy production predictions. It’s not our fault if we don’t follow through. People shouldn’t notice. And the assembly line is a new thing; everyone knows there’s bugs that crop up from time to time.

Anyway, we don’t want to keep you too long. Just know that we’re doing everything in our power to counter this threat. To help display the dishonesty and compromised nature of this “media,” our Mr. Musk will regularly retweet our man in Montreal. A solid gent, he is; even owns stock. Has referred many customers to our door, and our program made sure the prizes and gifts flowed. We need more men like him. Level-headed. Not prone to the kind of wild conspiracy theories spread by disciples of Big Oil.

Don’t worry, our most ardent followers — modern, right-thinking, coastal types who worship and protect legacy media sources with slogans like “Democracy dies in the darkness,” especially since early 2017 — have our backs.

Anyway, on with your day.

Oh, one more thing. Will you be accompanying us on the gulag inspection this weekend?

[Image: OnInnovation/ Flickr ( CC BY-ND 2.0)]

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4 of 41 comments
  • Conundrum Conundrum on May 24, 2018

    If I hadn't read other articles about Musk and his proposed journalist-rating mobsite earlier today, this load of gibberish from TTAC wouldn't have given me a single clue as to 0what's going on. Useless. Musk is South African if that means diddly squat. Here, read this instead: https://www.reuters.com/article/us-tesla-musk/teslas-musk-bashes-media-proposes-credibility-check-idUSKCN1IP27O No doubt TTAC's resident Tesla apologists tylanner and vulpine, as members of the cult, voted for Musk's site, while a further 88% of 583,000 sheep also acquiesced to the theme that he is being unfairly targeted for slights despite being a genius who can lead the horde out of the forest into the land of cool green meadows all on his lonesone. Whatta guy! Musk was going after big media in his grousing. So it's a TTAC conceit that Musk is targeting this piddly outfit. But if it makes the staff happy, so be it.

    • Luke42 Luke42 on May 27, 2018

      I'm a card-carrying member of the Tesla superfan club, but I can't stand Twitter. Twitter would have been fun for me in 1999. But, it's not 1999 anymore.

  • Bd2 Bd2 on May 25, 2018

    So, Consumer Reports was "wrong" about the Model 3's braking issue until they were right (and Musk/Tesla finally admitted that they were working on a "fix"; like for so many other things).

    • Luke42 Luke42 on May 27, 2018

      Yep -- and the firmware fix is being rolled out. This is the blessing and the course of the "move fast and break things" mentality in SV. Mistakes are made, mistakes are fixed quickly, things get done quickly -- but the world is your beta tester, and the customers will figure that out sooner or later. People from other industries are just as smart and hard working as the SV types, but take a more conservative approach for very sensible reasons.

  • Crown They need to put the EcoDiesel back in the Grand Cherokee. I have a 2018 and it has been the most reliable vehicle I ever owned. 69,000 miles and only needed tires, and regular oil and fuel filter changes.
  • El scotto Y'all are overthinking this. Find some young hard-charging DA seeking the TV limelight to lock this kid up. Heck, have John Boehner come up from Cincy to help the young DA get his political career going. Better yet, have the young DA spin this as hard as he or she can; I'm the candidate for Law and Order, I defied our go-easy office and leadership to get this identified criminal locked up. Oh this could be spun more than a hyper active kid's top.Now I'd do some consulting work for Little Kings Original Cream Ale and Skyline Chili.
  • El scotto Pondering if he has a clean brandy snifter. Well but, ah, I mean the original Grand Wagoneer was fully loaded and had a V-8. The original Grand Wagoneer had an almost cult-like following with a certain type of woman. Attractive, educated high earning women; or those that put on the appearances of being that way.Our esteemed HerR DOKtor Perfessor again shows how ignorant he is of the American market. What he deems "bread-vans on stilts" are highly coveted by significant others that are also highly coveted. The new Grand Cherokee with the new well engineered V-6 will sell as well as the ones from the 80s some of us get wistful over. The only real question will be: LL Bean or Orvis edition?
  • El scotto Well, I've had cats that are smarted than a great many members of congress. I rather doubt that any of the congresspeople Matt named are engineers, finance people or project managers. Ya know, professionals you call in to get a job done.Today is Wednesday, this will be out of the 36 hour news cycle by Friday. Oh it might get mentioned again on OCT 6. Unless there are cute animals to put on TV that day.
  • El scotto Oh My Good Lord Yes! Gents, this is a Caddy that carries on the soul of Caddy. Loud, brash, and apologetically American. Also large and in charge and one of GM's best evah engines. What used to be a flash roll is now bottle service.Can't deal with that reality? There are plenty of excellent SUVs/CUVs on the market. I'm a former Escape owner. The Escape was a sensible lil CUV, this Caddy is just way over the top.Canyon carver? Not a chance, this is based on a Silverado frame. Easy to park? Toss the valet the keys. Will some of the other high-end SUVs have better "soft touch" materials that make car journalist get tingly all over? Of course.This Caddy is designed to eat up huge and I mean huge amounts of American interstate miles. Four people and their luggage? Easily.