Just Terrible: Mini Launches One-off Cooper Celebrating Royal Wedding

Matt Posky
by Matt Posky

For some reason, the British royal family remains pertinent in popular culture. We’re not sure what to attribute it to, either. Maybe it all comes down to the Queen’s smile or perhaps it’s just celebrity culture run amok. Either way, “the fam” is still totally relevant in the United Kingdom, even though no royal edicts have been issued for quite some time.

The United States’ obsession with the family is even harder to come to grips with. Despite breaking off from Britain in 1776, American supermarkets still have magazines featuring royal weddings on the cover. This obsession with regality doesn’t extend to other parts of the world — a shame, considering the Saudi Prince, Sultan bin Salman, recently held a wedding that included a parade of high-end autos, with 30 ice-white Range Rovers just for the bridal party. But we suppose that’s par for the course when you’re a multi-billionaire.

Britain’s royals, while still rich, don’t have the kind of scratch necessary to field an armada of cars for a princely wedding. It’s also not their style. But Mini decided to swoop in and capitalize on the Western World’s obsession with the joining of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle by delivering a car celebrating the union.

As a one-off, you won’t see this modified Cooper entering production. Instead, BMW Group said it plans to donate the unique vehicle to the Children’s HIV Association for public auction. Whoever purchases it is either a kind-hearted philanthropist or celebrity-obsessed lunatic.

“As an iconic British brand with almost 60 years of history in the UK, we are pleased to mark the royal wedding with this special charitable gift,” said Oliver Heilmer, head of the Mini design team. “The Mini Design team has created a one-off Mini Hatch for the occasion. Its specially designed roof graphic combines with 3D-printed personalized interior and exterior details as well as special embroidery to make this a MINI like no other.”

Despite being little more than a marketing opportunity, the brand does appear to have taken special care to build the car. Graphics that join Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s national flags are everywhere. Although the final result is a bit abstract; figuring out where the Stars and Stripes end and the Union Jack begins isn’t easy.

Other details included themed taillights, chrome accents, and little love tributes all over the interior. Signal indicators have also been 3D-printed and embellish the initials M and H with a heart and rings. When opened, the doors project “Just Married” onto the ground too. While not overdone to a point that becomes inexcusably offensive, the heavy-handed branding is still just awful. But someone’s aunt probably thinks it’s the best-looking car ever made.

As stated before, this is a one-off car, so you can’t buy one. However, you could build you own. The brand recently launched its “Mini: Yours Customized” pilot program in a handful of markets and the wedding car serves as an advertisement for what’s possible. You can, of course, do your own thing by imprinting your own words on a custom dashboard, illuminated doorframe, turn signals, and/or LED door projectors.

It’s gimmicky to the extreme, but remains kind of a cool option if you’re the kind of person who is into extensive levels of personalization. You might want to pass knowledge of the service’s existence to that weird aunt.

[Images: BMW Group]

Matt Posky
Matt Posky

A staunch consumer advocate tracking industry trends and regulation. Before joining TTAC, Matt spent a decade working for marketing and research firms based in NYC. Clients included several of the world’s largest automakers, global tire brands, and aftermarket part suppliers. Dissatisfied with the corporate world and resentful of having to wear suits everyday, he pivoted to writing about cars. Since then, that man has become an ardent supporter of the right-to-repair movement, been interviewed on the auto industry by national radio broadcasts, driven more rental cars than anyone ever should, participated in amateur rallying events, and received the requisite minimum training as sanctioned by the SCCA. Handy with a wrench, Matt grew up surrounded by Detroit auto workers and managed to get a pizza delivery job before he was legally eligible. He later found himself driving box trucks through Manhattan, guaranteeing future sympathy for actual truckers. He continues to conduct research pertaining to the automotive sector as an independent contractor and has since moved back to his native Michigan, closer to where the cars are born. A contrarian, Matt claims to prefer understeer — stating that front and all-wheel drive vehicles cater best to his driving style.

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  • WallMeerkat WallMeerkat on May 14, 2018

    A German British car sounds perfect for the Royal family (who are of German ancestry)

  • Turf3 Turf3 on May 14, 2018

    "What do you mean, calling me a German spy? Why, I'm as British as, as, as, Queen Victoria!" "Oh, you mean your mother was a German, your father was half German, and you married a German?" 10 points for anyone who can identify the source of that quotation.

    • Sub-600 Sub-600 on May 14, 2018

      I believe that was from a short lived BBC comedy with the guy from the “Mr. Bean” films, back in the ‘80s if I’m not mistaken. I’m still trying to figure out why the author of this article hates the royals so much. They do charity work and promote the U.K., what’s the problem? I think many Americans are interested because it’s tradition. Tradition is constantly under fire in the U.S., it seems like there’s always an axe to grind here. Even innocuous traditions like the Boy Scouts are under fire. Lots of Americans are of British descent as well. The author speaks of “coming to grips” with America’s obsession regarding the royals. Coming to grips? Is he resigning himself to something? How will the nuptials of Prince Henry and Ms. Markle directly influence his life? Curious article.

  • Lorenzo I'm not surprised. They needed to drop the "four-door coupe", or as I call it, the Dove soap bar shape, and put a formal flat roof over the rear seats, to call it a sedan. The Legacy hasn't had decent back seat headroom since the 1990s, except for the wagons. Nobody wants to drive with granny in the front passenger seat!
  • Analoggrotto GM is probably reinventing it as their next electric.
  • Vatchy What is the difference between a car dealer and a drug dealer? Not much - you can end up dead using what they sell you. The real difference is that one is legal and one is not.
  • Theflyersfan Pros: Stick shift, turbo wagonExtra tires and wheelsBody is in decent shape (although picture shows a little rust)Interior is in decent shapeService records so can see if big $$$ is coming upCan handle brutal "roads" in Uganda, Rwanda, and Tanzania, although the spare wheels and tires will be needed. (See picture)Cons:Mileage is high Other Volvos on the site are going for less moneyAnyone's guess what an Ontario-driven in the winter vehicle looks like on the lift.Why wasn't the interior cleaned?Clear the stability control message please...Of course it needs to cross the border if it comes down here. She lowers the price a bit and this could be a diamond in the rough. It isn't brown and doesn't have a diesel, but this checks most TTAC wagon buyer boxes!
  • Spookiness They'll keep chasing this dream/fantasy*, but maybe someday they'll realize their most valuable asset is their charging network.(*kind of like Mazda with rotary engines. just give up already.)
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