Ace of Base: 2018 Kringle S-1

Matthew Guy
by Matthew Guy
ace of base 2018 kringle s 1

I’ll be the first to admit I haven’t been a completely good boy this year. The Charger *may* have strayed over the speed limit once or five, I still haven’t replaced that funky rad cap on the Ram, and I did indeed say nothing when handed 13 donuts in a box that was only supposed to contain a dozen. And the less said about that incident on my birthday, the better.

It’s time to butter up the Jolly Old Elf, lest I find coal in my stocking again this year. Santa’s workshop has rolled out a new sleigh for 2018, the S-1, and it only comes in a single trim.

The S-1 is not equipped with a single electronic feature, important when soaring around the world at light speed. Fragile navigation screens and temperamental voice command systems do not cope well with the freezing temperatures found at high altitudes.

No oversized rimz and tires will be found on today’s Ace of Base, either. In place of those we find a simple set of runners — reliable technology that has worked well and been around since the Dark Ages. Freshly waxed by a team of dutiful elves, these skis will dash through the snow better than a set of new Blizzaks.

Storage space is also abundant in the S-1. Indeed, it seems limitless, given the amount of cargo Father Christmas takes with him when he leaves the North Pole on December 24th. We cannot vouch for its security system, however, as the sled always seems to come back empty. The front seat is threadbare but provides acceptable room for two, three in a pinch if the driver does not partake in too many rounds of milk and cookies on his trip. Don’t count on it, though.

Propulsion is rated in RP (reindeer power) and, like Rolls Royce in the ’60s, is simply listed as “adequate.” It is fuelled primarily by oats and carrots, which always seem to be provided for free by adoring fans along the S-1’s yearly journey. Maximum payload is in the neighborhood of 100,000 tons, depending on the number of Playstation PS4s or Fisher-Price Magical Light-Up Palace sets are requested throughout the year. We remain unsure of the S-1’s sticker price.

In any event, thanks for riding along with our Ace of Base series in 2018. Your ferocious defence and passionate rebuttal of our selections this year is what helps to make the B&B one of the best communities on the internet. Whatever you celebrate this time of year, we hope you enjoy it.

Join the conversation
3 of 10 comments
  • MaintenanceCosts Despite my hostile comments above I really can't wait to see a video of one of these at the strip. A production car running mid-eights is just bats. I just hope that at least one owner lets it happen, rather than offloading the car from the trailer straight into a helium-filled bag that goes into a dark secured warehouse until Barrett-Jackson 2056.
  • Schurkey Decades later, I'm still peeved that Honda failed to recall and repair the seat belts in my '80 Civic. Well-known issue with the retractors failing to retract.Honda cut a deal with the NHTSA at that time, to put a "lifetime warranty" on FUTURE seat belts, in return for not having to deal with the existing problems.Dirtbags all around. Customers screwed, corporation and Government moves on.
  • Bullnuke An acquaintance of mine 50+ years ago who was attending MIT (until General Hershey's folks sent him his "Greetings" letter) converted an Austin Mini from its staid 4 cylinder to an electric motored fuel cell vehicle. It was done as a project during his progression toward a Master Degree in Electrical Engineering. He told me it worked pretty well but wasn't something to use as a daily driver given the technology and availability of suitable components of the time. Fueling LH2 and LOX was somewhat problematic. Upon completion he removed his fuel cell and equipment and, for another project, reinstalled the 4 banger but reassembled it without mechanical fasteners using an experimental epoxy adhesive instead which, he said, worked much better and was a daily driver...for awhile. He went on to be an enlisted Reactor Operator on a submarine for a few years.
  • Ajla $100k is walking around money but this is almost certainly the last Dodge V8 vehicle and it's likely to be the most powerful factory-installed and warrantied pushrod engine ever. So there is some historical applicability to things even if you have an otherwise low opinion of the Challenger.And, like I said up thread, if you still hate it will be gone soon anyway.
  • Carlson Fan GM completely blew the marketing of the Volt. The commercials were terrible. You'd swear they told the advertising company to come up with an ad that would make sure no one went out and shopped a Volt after seeing it!...........LOL My buddy asked why I bought a car that only goes 40 miles on a charge? That pretty much sums up how confusing and uninformative the advertising was.