QOTD: Pass or Fail?

Matthew Guy
by Matthew Guy

I’m going to wager that, as a percentage, ninety-nine and a bunch more nines of TTAC readers have their driver’s license. I mean, it’s not like the ranks of our readers are filled with youth wielding keyboards their parents’ basements or anything.

With such an august readership, I’m certain there is a story or two here about getting one’s driver’s license. Like mine, for instance.

My hometown is not very big. Still, two supermarkets and a brace of gas stations made it the biggest community in the area, meaning we got all the good stuff: hardware store, cop shop, … and the government testing facility for new drivers.

Now, when I say “ government testing facility,” what I actually mean is a dirt parking lot in front of the church and a few alder branches stuck in some rocks making a rough approximation of a parking stall. The man from Newfoundland’s Department of Motor Vehicles would visit our town at irregular intervals, given his office was two hours away. Gauging the driving prowess of a bunch of far flung 17-year-olds probably didn’t rank too high in his top forty. There was no graduated licensing program and certainly no driving schools.

If the person taking the driving test managed to heave their car between the alder twigs without knocking one over, they were then instructed to head out on public roads and take one of two routes. It was always one of two routes. They never changed. Ever. This was great news for a young Matthew Guy in 1997, who harassed his long-suffering father to take him on these routes before Testing Day so they could be memorized down to the last micron.

Naturally, I passed with flying colors. As Clarkson once stated, I viewed the experience not as a test but as a confirmation of my excellence. Also like Clarkson, I then managed to bin the family 1989 Ford Escort in short order, proving that granting a driver’s license simply for memorizing a route is probably not the best idea.

What’s your driver’s test story? Did you frighten the wee out of the aged instructor with a perfectly executed but unappreciated powerslide past the school? Or did you walk out of the DMV with a plastic card held high? And if I could offer a tip to the kids reading that other site: when the time comes to get your license, don’t simply memorize the route.

Matthew Guy
Matthew Guy

Matthew buys, sells, fixes, & races cars. As a human index of auto & auction knowledge, he is fond of making money and offering loud opinions.

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  • TDIGuy TDIGuy on Nov 07, 2017

    My own personal driver's test story is nothing exciting, minus the stress of driving around a city with one-way streets versus the small suburb where I had taken my lessons. The only point I got off was "too fast for conditions" when we turned and headed into the sun and I fumbled with the sun visor on the instructor's K-car trying to pull it down. My wife on the other hand... Failed her first attempt after stopping at a pedestrian crossing because someone was standing there. She waved them, they waved her, etc... A Canadian standoff... Finally she realized they weren't intending to cross and went through. Ding! Fail. I also recall my mother telling me a story of her test. Rather than drive on actual streets, the testing centre in Toronto actually had a course set up. During her test, she stopped at a traffic light. Instructor said she wasn't supposed to stop, because there was sign that gave hours the light was non-functioning. In reality the sign had so much printing that she stopped to make sure she read it clearly and didn't drive through a red light and fail.

  • John66ny John66ny on Nov 08, 2017

    Passed mine on the first try, but do have a couple stories to relate. I worked for a year as a driving instructor (not examiner, different functions in Ontario). As part of their tuition, we took the students to their road tests and they used our cars. One day, it was a full-on winter blizzard, when we arrived at the testing centre (despite almost getting stuck in a snow drift) I fully expected to be informed that testing was cancelled for the day... but no, they were still working. So, out comes the examiner, of course the one with the reputation for passing nobody, and she asks me "are you sure you want to do this?". I say sure, I have confidence in my student. I'm sitting in the near-empty waiting room (I guess most of the candidates had cancelled) when they return from the test, and the examiner (who normally wouldn't say anything to the instructor) comes in and announces to the world "well, she only spun out twice!" and hands me the paperwork: Pass. (Student says there were no spin-outs, btw.) Second, I relate the story of my mother. Taking her testing in 1950-something, she rear-ended a bus. Not too hard, I guess, no substantial damage to either vehicle, no police required in those days, etc. For some reason, the examiner then continued the test, but she was sure she had failed. At the end of the test, however, the examiner said that anyone who could drive as well as she had after a traumatic event like that deserved a license: Pass.

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