QOTD: What's Your Pick at the Cheap '80s Metal Buffet?

Matthew Guy
by Matthew Guy

Imagine for a second you’re living in Canada in the mid-‘80s. The Edmonton Oilers have brought the Stanley Cup back to Canada for the first time since 1979, and it’ll stay in the Great White North until the next decade. A broad-chinned lawyer was just given a landslide victory to lead the country and the Tunagate scandal meant one could no longer enjoy tasty canned fish for supper.

That Detroit barge in the driveway is looking a bit haggard now, especially with the copious amounts of salt being dumped on the road every winter. Sure, we’re in the go-go ‘80s, but who wants to blow all that dough they’re charging for Hondas and Toyotas? A couple of new dealerships have set up shop in town, filled with cheap Eastern Bloc and Korean cars. But which one will you choose?

For half a dozen years in Canada (nearly the length of one average winter), Skoda foisted its wares upon the public. That’s right, above the 49th parallel, one could buy a new Skoda 120/130 fitted with a rear-mounted water-cooled engine and a sideways-opening front trunk. Displacing 1.3 liters, the four-door sedan used 55 Cold War horsepower to motivate its sub-2000-pound weight. Acceleration was not death-defying but surviving a front-on collision would be, as there was nothing but an empty trunk and a few pounds of Czechoslovakian metal to keep that roadside moose out of the passenger compartment.

To the Lada dealership then, where the Ruskies were peddling a 75 hp 1.5-liter Samara. Brittle interior plastics and t-square styling might send some customers scurrying, but real Canadians knew – from experience with that Niva across the showroom – that the mechanical bits were relatively solid. Available initially as either a 3- or 5-door hatch, this front-driver was advertised at $4,995 (about $9,600 in 2017 dollars). фантастика!

What about that funny little new dealership across the road? Hun … Hon … what? Hyundai? Well, let’s see what they’ve got. This rear-drive, 5-door Pony looks like a good fit. A 1.4-liter Mitsubishi-derived engine makes about 70 hp and is priced a few hundred dollars more than the Eastern Bloc machines. Fitted with windows and doors and not much else, its switch blanks are labelled, so you know what features you don’t have, ya cheapskate hoser. It’s at least a cheap way to roll in new wheels with a warranty. Plus, you’ll get to learn how to use a manual choke.

So what’s your choice? Will you write a cheque for a rear-engined Czech? Plop down some rubles on the Samara? Or saddle up with a Korean Pony?

Matthew Guy
Matthew Guy

Matthew buys, sells, fixes, & races cars. As a human index of auto & auction knowledge, he is fond of making money and offering loud opinions.

More by Matthew Guy

Comments
Join the conversation
2 of 59 comments
  • APaGttH APaGttH on Jun 20, 2017

    I choose to walk, ehhh. Because any of the possible choices are going to put me in a position where I'll be walking a lot.

  • Don1967 Don1967 on Jun 20, 2017

    I very nearly purchased a new 1986 Pony as my first car. Looking back it probably would have been a better choice than the 1980 Pontiac Lemans which nearly bankrupted me with its endless repair bills. What the Pony lacked in finesse it generally made up for in old-world-Mitsubishi simplicity. Give it an annual oil spray and it wasn't a half-bad cheapskate car; certainly better than anything from Eastern Europe.

  • Corey Lewis Facing rearwards and typing while in motion. I'll be sick in 4 minutes or less.
  • Ajla It's a tricky situation. If public charging is ubiquitous and reliable then range doesn't matter nearly as much. However they likely don't need to be as numerous as fuel pumps because of the home/work charging ability. But then there still might need to be "surge supply" of public chargers for things like holidays. Then there's the idea of chargers with towing accessibility. A lack of visible charging infrastructure might slow the adoption of EVs as well. Having an EV with a 600+ mile range would fix a lot of the above but that option doesn't seem to be economically feasible.
  • 28-Cars-Later I'm getting a Knight Rider vibe... or is it more Knightboat?
  • 28-Cars-Later "the person would likely be involved in taking the Corvette to the next level with full electrification."Chevrolet sold 37,224 C8s in 2023 starting at $65,895 in North America (no word on other regions) while Porsche sold 40,629 Taycans worldwide starting at $99,400. I imagine per unit Porsche/VAG profit at $100K+ but was far as R&D payback and other sunk costs I cannot say. I remember reading the new C8 platform was designed for hybrids (or something to that effect) so I expect Chevrolet to experiment with different model types but I don't expect Corvette to become the Taycan. If that is the expectation, I think it will ride off into the sunset because GM is that incompetent/impotent. Additional: In ten years outside of wrecks I expect a majority of C8s to still be running and economically roadworthy, I do not expect that of Taycans.
  • Tassos Jong-iL Not all martyrs see divinity, but at least you tried.
Next