The 2017 Honda Civic Hatchback Is The Ugliest Car I've Driven Since …

As I exited the grocery store this past Sunday night thronged by late night shoppers, the expressions on the faces of those who walked past the 2017 Honda Civic Hatchback LX, parked right in front of the store, were not difficult to discern.

Then, as it became obvious I was the “owner” of said Civic, previously repulsed glances shifted toward me, now full of pity. Can’t say I was surprised. The exterior design Honda foisted upon an otherwise excellent car is downright horrifying.

I wanted to shout across the grocery store parking lot, “It’s not mine.”

(Yes, we’re testing a Honda Canada-supplied Civic Hatchback this week, but this is a purely subjective complaint, not a review. Beauty, beholder, and all that. You can, however, read Mark Stevenson’s review of the new Civic Hatchback, and keep your eyes peeled for a TTAC comparison test involving this very Civic.)

THE BUILD-UP

And then, just a mile or two down the road from my home, British-built Honda Civic Hatchbacks began rolling off ships at the CN Autoport in LX trim. Oh dear.

Shortly thereafter, Civic Hatchbacks, initially just base LX models, began to appear in the wild as sad follow-ups to the largely successful Civic Coupe and oddly shaped Civic sedan.

THE CRITICAL MOMENT

Embarrassed is not too strong a word.

Sure, the Civic Hatchback is a particularly flexible tenth-generation Civic, which is objectively the best Civic ever. Refined, spacious, quick, and efficient, the Civic represents small car excellence. Indeed, I’m a Honda owner who’s been willing to overlook past Honda styling flubs such as the Odyssey’s windowline and sliding door track. Even I could likely get past the exterior treatment on the latest Civic sedan, which Honda evidently realized at the last minute was not supposed to be a hatchback.

But this actual Civic Hatchback is the ugliest car I’ve driven since, well okay, only since May. (There was that new Prius on tiny steel wheels covered by quinoa scraps and kale residue.)

GOLFING

Decreasing the Civic’s visual appeal and practicality is the slope of the hatch, a liftgate that takes a dive aft of the C-pillar.

Instead of copying the segment progenitor, the Volkswagen Golf, a small car that always features a more vertical, wagon-like rear hatch, the Civic follows the example of the Mitsubishi Lancer Sportback.

From a luggage-carrying perspective, the Civic’s low rear floor and expanded exterior nevertheless produce a large Christmas tree-swallowing cargo hold: 25.7 cubic feet compared with the sedan’s 15.1. But it could’ve been much more spacious and more attractive.

DETAILS

The alloys on this LX model are straight out of Honda’s catalogue of awful base model wheels.

The taillights are cartoonish. The front end is redeemed largely by familiarity and the fact that unnecessarily aggressive front fascias are now the norm.

The wheel-arch surrounds seem to plead, “Don’t mistake me for a rally car.”

Behind the rear door handle, above the wheel arch, at and below the greenhouse’s terminus, lines and bulges meet in a disturbing flurry of activity.

Plus, unsure of what to do with swathes of blank territory, Honda installed gigantic black holes that fight for attention at the front and back.

POTENTIAL

Plebeian machinery, on the other hand, can be positively altered with tasteless bodywork. The Civic Hatchback won’t become a conventionally beautiful car. It won’t soon be handsome or classy. But a properly sized wing, big wheels, a front splitter, and chrome elimination will distract us from the car’s general offenses.

It will be the Type R, and I already know I want one despite the Civic Hatchback’s intrinsic dearth of beauty. Type R desire is natural for Honda owners.

We’ve put up with styling mishaps before, we’ll do so again.

[Images: © 2016 Timothy Cain/The Truth About Cars]

Timothy Cain is the founder of GoodCarBadCar.net, which obsesses over the free and frequent publication of U.S. and Canadian auto sales figures. Follow on Twitter @goodcarbadcar and on Facebook.