Jaguar Needs to Get It Together

So I’m reading through Autoblog (Motto: All the recall stories that are fit to print!), and I come across an article about how Jaguar is now developing an even higher performance version of the F-Type sports car.

That’s right, folks: soon, Jaguar dealers across the country will be graced with yet another six-figure car that nobody wants to buy.

If you’re an F-Type fan ( who isn’t?), then you might be surprised to hear me say this — but it’s true. Cars.com does a monthly list of the slowest selling cars on the market — not by sales volume, but by actual days each car spends on the lot — and some version the F-Type is always near the top. It’s often stopped from being the true number one vehicle by only more overpriced cars, like the BMW 6 Series and the Kia K900.

So why are they developing a high-performance version? Because Jaguar remains convinced that this is the way to attract younger, hipper car shoppers: by offering the same old thing with more power at an even higher price tag. The main problem with the F-Type, Jaguar apparently believes, is that it isn’t expensive enough.

Of course, Jaguar is terribly wrong in this assessment. Not only is the main problem with the F-Type that it’s far too expensive, but its other issue is that it’s the latest entrant in a dying segment. Remember the late 1990s, when the BMW Z3 and the Mercedes SLK were everywhere? That world is gone now; dead and buried. Young people aren’t buying two-seat roadsters anymore.

Young people also aren’t buying full-size luxury sedans, which constitutes the entirety of Jaguar’s remaining lineup. There’s the large XJ — ultra-cool when it first came out, but quickly fading into obscurity as used models now trade in the low- to mid-$30,000 range — and the XF, which is among the oldest luxury sedans on the market. When the XF went on sale, people had never heard of Sarah Palin.

And young people certainly aren’t buying larger two-door cars, like the brand’s recently cancelled XK convertible. Yes, it’s true: the XK has finally left market after nearly a decade, largely unchanged, using the same general styling as it did when it rolled off the lot just after I gradated from high school. When the XK first went on sale, people had never heard of Katy Perry.

So what are young people buying? Well, SUVs mostly. That’s been clear since the early 2000s, when we had Tahoes and Explorers and Cherokees and Navigators and Escalades flying off dealer lots at the same rate as promotional brochures. Everybody wanted a piece of the SUV action, and everybody got some of it: there were Hondas and Isuzus and Fords and Suzukis and Land Rovers and Mazdas. Everyone was in.

Except Jaguar.

Fifteen years later, Jaguar still doesn’t have an SUV. They keep telling us they will soon, but we’ve seen no real evidence of it aside from the occasional concept car and a test mule running around every now and again. They have, however, given us a name: The “F Pace,” which kind of sums up Jaguar’s feelings on creating an SUV in a timely manner like everyone else.

Instead, they’re creating a more expensive version of the F-Type. They’re also creating a small sedan called the XE, which seems doomed from the start. I say this because it’s virtually identical in styling to the XF, which is one of the oldest luxury cars on the market. I also say this because Jaguar’s previous small car attempt, the X-Type, did little aside from make sure that every Craigslist used car lot will always have at least one Jag on hand.

So here’s the question: are the XE and the F-Pace signs of a revitalized Jaguar? Right now, my instinctive reaction is that I’ll believe it when I see it. Jaguar always seems to be in the middle of some grand scheme that’s going to completely turn them around — like the 1997 XK8, and the aluminum 2004 XJ, and the X-Type. And frankly, it never really seems to work. What seems to happen instead is Jaguar releases the car, the market loves it for a year, and then everyone goes back to buying Mercedes. Meanwhile, Jaguar lets the design last for another decade.

So my message to Jaguar is this: the time has come to decide whether or not you’re serious. If you are, the time has come to act like it. Start redesigning your cars more often. Bring us new features. Get the XE and the F-Pace on the market. And then, someday, people might bring up Jaguar to discuss something other than the fact that used models cost the same as a dining room set.