By on December 23, 2014

20141221_122332

Two Chryslers, both alike in dignity
(In fair Miami, where we lay our scene)

It was the perfect storm. Derek was in Miami for a vacation; I had to go to Florida for a funeral. Derek had a well-equipped Chrysler 200 Pentastar, courtesy of our friends at FCA; I rented a bare-bones MultiAir-powered Chrysler 200 at the airport. At a harbor steakhouse, as the Ketel One poured in the shadow of Mark Cuban’s 288-foot Feadship and a bored 21-year-old Cuban student in a skin-tight black dress drummed her fingers on the table and yawned in protest, we planned a pair of reviews.

First, Derek’s going to acquaint you with his opinion of the bases-loaded 200S, with its leather interior and Alpine system. Then I’m going to tell you about an 800-mile weekend spent trying not to run out of fuel in the “Alligator Alley”. One of these cars suits the 200’s basic virtues more than the other, but which? And would anyone in their right mind select this sleek mongrel over the Honda Accord? Stay tuned.

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57 Comments on “The Most De-Pressing Reviews Ever...”


  • avatar
    Lie2me

    “Then I’m going to tell you about an 800-mile weekend spent trying not to run out of fuel in the “Alligator Alley”.

    So you thought “Last chance for gas next 50 miles,” was just a joke?

  • avatar
    PrincipalDan

    and a bored 21-year-old Cuban student in a skin-tight black dress drummed her fingers on the table and yawned in protest…

    Forget the Chryslers my friend, priorities, priorities, priorities

  • avatar
    Rod Panhard

    It’s the best time of the year to drive the Alley. The alligators crawl up to the side of the road to bask in the sunlight. At first glance, you might think that a stampede of semis came through and all their tires fragged. Then you look again…

  • avatar
    thegamper

    Im going to go out on a limb and call the loaded pentastar the winner here. Chrysler can do a car up pretty nice with options and big engines. There hasn’t really ever been too much praise sung for the multi-air four in any context. Plus, there is a base model Accord, 6, etc, then there is a base model rental queen.

    I haven’t driven the 200 yet, but I have to say it looks nice and the option to V6 it with AWD for under $30K is pretty attractive. Cant wait for the review.

    • 0 avatar
      319583076

      I second this. I’ve been impressed by my exposure to the Pentastar 6 in rentals, though I have no ownership impressions.

      I have seen a lot of these on the road and in parking lots. I think they’re attractive for their segment and the V6 AWD is a compelling package.

      I’m waiting to hear Jack’s impression of the 200’s dynamic qualities.

    • 0 avatar
      rpol35

      Spoiler alert, I’ve rented a bunch of them. They drive and ride fine, the interior treatment is nice for its class; visibility is not bad except out the rear window. The four cylinder is OK, it’s a bit pokey but certainly adequate. Only thing I consistently disliked is the rotary gear selector; it’s right next to a similarly sized rotary knob that adjusts the HVAC fan speed. Seemed like every time I went for reverse, I ended up turning the fan either down or off.

      I abhor the Ford Fusion (yeah I know, I’m probably the only one that does) and consider the 200 a much better alternative.

  • avatar
    mjz

    A Christmas gift from Jack and Derek. Should be fun.

  • avatar

    My local Avis has a stock of 200s, but boy was I pleased to discover that they were loaded pentastars (leather, UConnect, panoramic sunroof). Now I’m pleased whenever I get one. That or the lovely candy-apple red 2.0T AWD Fusion Titanium they have.

  • avatar
    DeadWeight

    No review of a “modern” vehicle could be more depressing than that of a Toyota Yaris (unless the reviewer is/was incredibly imaginative and/or dull of sh!t).

    • 0 avatar
      sportyaccordy

      No review can be as depressing as your posts… you are like an auto review comment board meme

      • 0 avatar
        DeadWeight

        You suck in general, should be driving a sporty Cadillac ATS, and I fart in your direction.

      • 0 avatar
        dal20402

        Just one meme? I think DeadWeight is an automatic commenting bot with all the car-forum memes carefully programmed in. And a dose of extra gauge hate just to keep us on our toes.

        • 0 avatar
          DeadWeight

          I like to think of myself as a refreshing dose of reality to cut through the unmitigated B.S., salesmanship, puffery, marketing goop, manufacturer & retail sloganeering, & overall cheerleading undertaken/perpetuated by the many, many people close to & depending on the auto industry, having deeply vested interests, whether salespeople, marketing hacks, or others, who visit TTAC grandmother autoblogs regularly, spreading their fertilizer.

          I AM A GREAT XOUNTRWEIGHT AND DOSE OF REALITY.

          • 0 avatar
            StanThe Man

            As I look at a 16 year old Buick slowly rusting away, I’ve got to ask myself… What would all those people in world be doing if it wasn’t for planned obsolescence? If you weren’t making cars you were making something to sell to the people that did/do, or serving them drinks or doing their taxes. And now we have people that entertain themselves or even make a living commenting on the “stupid” things car makers do.

            Ain’t life grand? Ya’ll be lucky you can buy fresh eggs and milk, cheap chicken and a box of chocolates, on Christmas eve. Be glad for the firm brake pedal that slows your wandering mind down in traffic. Because them chickens will eat their own shit if you let them. And those kind of raw wings would be a way bigger problem than a knob style shifter if it wasn’t for the “big” companies that run the world. Or is that keep the world running?

  • avatar
    sportyaccordy

    The more I see these things the more I like them. My only question is how well they can mask their heft. The V6 AWD one weighs like 3800lbs

  • avatar
    raresleeper

    Hahahahahahaha!!! (best Peter Griffin laugh)

    #applause

  • avatar
    energetik9

    I sometimes wonder what the point of teaser articles are on this site…….

    Once they finally post, they seem anticlimactic. I am alone on this one?

    • 0 avatar
      Jack Baruth

      The reason for them — and they aren’t done very often — is because while sites like Gawker can rely on their partners to bring traffic to particular stories, all of the links we have with partners like AutoGuide and Motorcycle.com are *outbound*. Therefore, given that we have different people reading every day, sometimes we’ll do a teaser hoping to catch them when they return.

      • 0 avatar
        ReSa

        I will happily return for any review that is kindly assisted by the intake of Ketel One, the premium fuel distilled in Schiedam, the Netherlands, some 5 miles from my home :)

  • avatar
    Banger

    As I’m just wrapping up a week in a Chrysler 200C press car similar to Derek’s, I, too am very interested in what both of you have to say. With the excellence of the Pentastar, I admit I’ve found myself wondering if Chrysler’s implementation of the four-banger could retain the quietness and refinement of the big six, sacrificing only speed while gaining appreciable MPGs. I’m averaging 24.5 MPG on my weeklong test, and I’ve been relatively easy on it. Not blown away by that part, but overall, I like a whole lot about the 200 based on this experience.

  • avatar
    dal20402

    Very curious about the dynamic part. The 200 is heavy (especially in V6 form) and others have written that it’s rather soft. Doesn’t sound promising based on just that information, but sometimes cars are better than they should be.

  • avatar
    redliner

    A lightly (and I do mean lightly) optioned 200S with the awesome V6 is a great value, but once you start adding options it starts to get pricey, and then you might as well just get a V6 300 or maybe even a Dodge Charger.

  • avatar
    Felix Hoenikker

    I test drove both the loaded Pentastar 200 and the 4 Cyl/CVT Honda Accord LX last June. Much to my surprise, I ended up with the Honda. The salesman at Chrysler did everything he could to kill the deal, and succeeded. Also completely unexpected, Honda put more cash on the hood.

  • avatar
    Secret Hi5

    Please validate my complaint re: the transmission shift knob placement. :D

  • avatar
    ...m...

    …nice pair!..i look forward to your reviews: a refreshing counterpoint to the supercar shootout…

  • avatar
    AoLetsGo

    Looking forward to your review of Fountainhead

  • avatar
    Zackman

    I definitely am awaiting the dual reviews, as I’m a Chrysler fan from the 1980s-90s, but the quality problems that plagued them turned me off, so I’m anxious to hear any good news.

    • 0 avatar
      Lie2me

      I thought you were a Chevy guy from the ’60s

      • 0 avatar
        Zackman

        I was – then to AMC for a brief time in the mid-to-late 70s, then Chrysler, back to Chevy since 2004.

        Thing is, I always liked GMs larger cars, but we were into smaller cars from 1973 to 1997. Then I drove a Ford Ranger until my first Impala.

        Looking back, in most of those intervening years, I should’ve just bought a Chevy B-body and called it done.

  • avatar

    The Camry, Fusion, Malibu, and 200 are all basically the same. Just about every car in the market is world class. This is truly a golden age for the automobile. For a car to stand out today it really has to be revolutionary. In this segment nothing really stands out as being absolutely superior. I would get the 200 just for the fact it will stand out of the crowd. Since so many others own a Camry I would find it boring to own one. Buying a Camry is almost a cliche’.

  • avatar
    Eliyahu

    Seem to remember reading that the 8 speed transmission sucked. If so, no amount of fine Corinthian leather is going to matter!

  • avatar
    swilliams41

    Alec R. Constandinos could not have started it better.

  • avatar
    dougjp

    So Four days ago they got drunk and decided there is no point reviewing these.

    So they didn’t. The end.

  • avatar
    colin42

    Still waiting…. Any chance we’ll get the reviews this year?

  • avatar

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  • avatar
    slawinlaw

    Seriously, was this a joke or are the reviews in process?

  • avatar
    slow kills

    This is taking teasing to a new level.

  • avatar
    bryanska

    Where’s the damn review? I really want to know this stuff.

  • avatar
    slow kills

    Did the notes get lost on this???????

  • avatar
    sportyaccordy

    Still waiting on this review man….

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