While You Were Sleeping: July 1, 2014

Jack Baruth
by Jack Baruth

Another great day in the auto business, and more proof that deconstruction has not been completely der(r)ided in popular culture.



And The Keyboard On The Atari 400 Was That Way To Keep You From Getting Carpal Tunnel: “This physical link between smartphone and car might seem like a step back from the cutting edge. But it’s actually a sign of the new strategy that smartphone and car companies are employing to combat distracted driving.” So says Automotive News regarding the USB cable that’s required to use “Android Auto” in upcoming cars from Honda, Audi, GM, and Hyundai. Or it could be a sign of the remarkable difficulty everyone’s having getting Bluetooth connections to reliably handle wide data streams across different hardware… Nah. It’s gotta be about the safety. For the children.

Let’s Get Its Clothes Back On Before The Children See: A new Chinese MG sedan was caught in the buff during testing. “[C]heck that part of the ass above the crazy rear light” is the advice from Carnewschina’s Joey Wang, who failed to follow up the advice with the legally required “, Bro.”

Plus There Was The Literal Mountain Of Cash They Gave Me In The IPO: Former Hyundai CEO and beloved darling of the Jalopnik/Hooniverse crowd John Krafcik talked to Aaron Foley about how happy he was to move on at just the right time. Krafcik stated that “But I also love tech, and this is one of those rare companies that operates at the intersection of auto, retail and technology.” Holy shit, he said “I also love technology”. When asked by Foley “Why are car buyers increasingly hesitant of going to the dealership to buy a car?” Krafcik pretended the question was in conventional English and answered accordingly.

As Opposed To Rapid Sucking Up Of All The Fuel In The Tank: “Rapid advances in engine technology led to the demise of the original 2.0-liter EcoBoost, Makow-ski said” to the always credulous Richard Truett. “Makow-ski” in this case is not an honorific for a Japanese shark but a bizarre rendering of Scott Makowski’s name. He’s the Ford guy in charge of the all-new two-liter Ecoboost. The old engine had a four-year production run, during which Saudi Arabia emptied most of its oil reserves and no fewer than 1.82 million street races were lost to V6 Camrys whose drivers were not aware of said street races. Any remaining units of the old Ecoboost will be dumped in the hole that Atari used to bury the “E.T.” cartridges.

And We Believe Him, Because FIAT Quality Has Traditionally Been Beyond Reproach: Jason Stoicevich, the head of United States operations for FIAT, told WardsAuto that the brand’s astoundingly poor showing on the J.D. Power IQS was an anomaly. “So when the study was done, 91% of the study relied on the 500L, which is a new car where there are always quirks to work through,” Stoicevich said. Luckily, J.D. Power’s implementation of the “crooked gap used in a bar chart to show that one particular bar is wayyyy bigger than the others”, which was absolutely necessary to include FIAT in the IQS bar charts without blowing out the scale so much that it became a Wikipedia VY Canis Majoris Star Chart situation, went off without any quirks to work through.

And that’s the news, folks!

Jack Baruth
Jack Baruth

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  • Wmba Wmba on Jul 01, 2014

    About time Ford got around to designing their own four cylinder engines instead of relying on modifying old Mazda engines. It's never been clear to me whether the Ecoboost 2.0 is a variant of the Mazda "L" or the Mazda MZR engine. In the UK, they never seem to have realized that the Duratec was a Mazda, probably on purpose due to their blinkered outlook, but it was. Previous Ford designed fours were hardly wonderful, the Zetec, for example and the CVH. From Wikipedia: " As of 2010, Ford is introducing a GDI turbo variant of the Mazda LF engine design as the EcoBoost 2.0L. They have developed their own manifold and engine control systems for use with the direct-injected, turbocharged EcoBoost. Ford plans to use the L-engine, as well as the Z-engine, well into the future for their EcoBoost and Duratec 4-cylinder generations. As of 2011, Mazda will cease to develop the L-engine, to be replaced by the SKYACTIV P-engine. At this time, Ford will be the only manufacturer still using the Mazda L- and Z-engine designs." Kind of says it all, really.

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    • Marcelo de Vasconcellos Marcelo de Vasconcellos on Jul 01, 2014

      @Jack Baruth yep, it had a brilliant character that could be described like that. I guess it's part of the reason I liked Zetec equipped cars so much.

  • Mechaman Mechaman on Jul 02, 2014

    Laughed at the Atari 400 reference. I got needled by my tech buds about buying one, and that keyboard .. then I showed them the membrane keyboard on my employers MAZAK CNC machine.

  • MaintenanceCosts It's not a Benz or a Jag / it's a 5-0 with a rag /And I don't wanna brag / but I could never be stag
  • 3-On-The-Tree Son has a 2016 Mustang GT 5.0 and I have a 2009 C6 Corvette LS3 6spd. And on paper they are pretty close.
  • 3-On-The-Tree Same as the Land Cruiser, emissions. I have a 1985 FJ60 Land Cruiser and it’s a beast off-roading.
  • CanadaCraig I would like for this anniversary special to be a bare-bones Plain-Jane model offered in Dynasty Green and Vintage Burgundy.
  • ToolGuy Ford is good at drifting all right... 😉
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