By on July 1, 2014

Another great day in the auto business, and more proof that deconstruction has not been completely der(r)ided in popular culture.

And The Keyboard On The Atari 400 Was That Way To Keep You From Getting Carpal Tunnel: “This physical link between smartphone and car might seem like a step back from the cutting edge. But it’s actually a sign of the new strategy that smartphone and car companies are employing to combat distracted driving.” So says Automotive News regarding the USB cable that’s required to use “Android Auto” in upcoming cars from Honda, Audi, GM, and Hyundai. Or it could be a sign of the remarkable difficulty everyone’s having getting Bluetooth connections to reliably handle wide data streams across different hardware… Nah. It’s gotta be about the safety. For the children.

Let’s Get Its Clothes Back On Before The Children See: A new Chinese MG sedan was caught in the buff during testing. “[C]heck that part of the ass above the crazy rear light” is the advice from Carnewschina’s Joey Wang, who failed to follow up the advice with the legally required “, Bro.”

Plus There Was The Literal Mountain Of Cash They Gave Me In The IPO: Former Hyundai CEO and beloved darling of the Jalopnik/Hooniverse crowd John Krafcik talked to Aaron Foley about how happy he was to move on at just the right time. Krafcik stated that “But I also love tech, and this is one of those rare companies that operates at the intersection of auto, retail and technology.” Holy shit, he said “I also love technology”. When asked by Foley “Why are car buyers increasingly hesitant of going to the dealership to buy a car?” Krafcik pretended the question was in conventional English and answered accordingly.

As Opposed To Rapid Sucking Up Of All The Fuel In The Tank: “Rapid advances in engine technology led to the demise of the original 2.0-liter EcoBoost, Makow-ski said” to the always credulous Richard Truett. “Makow-ski” in this case is not an honorific for a Japanese shark but a bizarre rendering of Scott Makowski’s name. He’s the Ford guy in charge of the all-new two-liter Ecoboost. The old engine had a four-year production run, during which Saudi Arabia emptied most of its oil reserves and no fewer than 1.82 million street races were lost to V6 Camrys whose drivers were not aware of said street races. Any remaining units of the old Ecoboost will be dumped in the hole that Atari used to bury the “E.T.” cartridges.

And We Believe Him, Because FIAT Quality Has Traditionally Been Beyond Reproach: Jason Stoicevich, the head of United States operations for FIAT, told WardsAuto that the brand’s astoundingly poor showing on the J.D. Power IQS was an anomaly. “So when the study was done, 91% of the study relied on the 500L, which is a new car where there are always quirks to work through,” Stoicevich said. Luckily, J.D. Power’s implementation of the “crooked gap used in a bar chart to show that one particular bar is wayyyy bigger than the others”, which was absolutely necessary to include FIAT in the IQS bar charts without blowing out the scale so much that it became a Wikipedia VY Canis Majoris Star Chart situation, went off without any quirks to work through.

And that’s the news, folks!

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12 Comments on “While You Were Sleeping: July 1, 2014...”

  • avatar

    A Derrida pun – that’s the kind of stuff that keeps me coming back to TTAC.

  • avatar

    I wonder if any of those buried ET Carts are still viable.

  • avatar
    This Is Dawg

    Wow that MG is perfect for China, bro. Looks like a Prius that really wanted a Jetta front and a Lexus IS butt.

  • avatar

    About time Ford got around to designing their own four cylinder engines instead of relying on modifying old Mazda engines. It’s never been clear to me whether the Ecoboost 2.0 is a variant of the Mazda “L” or the Mazda MZR engine. In the UK, they never seem to have realized that the Duratec was a Mazda, probably on purpose due to their blinkered outlook, but it was. Previous Ford designed fours were hardly wonderful, the Zetec, for example and the CVH.

    From Wikipedia:

    ” As of 2010, Ford is introducing a GDI turbo variant of the Mazda LF engine design as the EcoBoost 2.0L. They have developed their own manifold and engine control systems for use with the direct-injected, turbocharged EcoBoost. Ford plans to use the L-engine, as well as the Z-engine, well into the future for their EcoBoost and Duratec 4-cylinder generations. As of 2011, Mazda will cease to develop the L-engine, to be replaced by the SKYACTIV P-engine. At this time, Ford will be the only manufacturer still using the Mazda L- and Z-engine designs.”

    Kind of says it all, really.

    • 0 avatar

      I rented a Contour with a Zetec once. The car was awful, but the engine was the nicest Detroit-fitted 4-cylinder I ever encountered. The Duratec in my friend’s short-lived Focus ZX3 P-ZEV was nothing special in comparison.

      • 0 avatar

        Look, sometimes we agree! The Zetec is and was a marvelous engine: strong, economic, refined. It’s no wonder it has everybody in the industry, from the German lux trio on down, reverse-engineering the bloody hell out of it to learn its secrets. The Duratec has always been a let down after the Zetec. And the CVH was wonderful for what it was: economic and durable.

        As to the Contour, if it was a real Mondeo then we’ll disagree again. Up until the 00s, the Mondeo was always a fine driving car (though it was in the late 80s and 90s that it outshone the competition).

  • avatar

    Laughed at the Atari 400 reference. I got needled by my tech buds about buying one, and that keyboard .. then I showed them the membrane keyboard on my employers MAZAK CNC machine.

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