On Brittany Howard, LeMons and New Jersey College Virgins

Yeah, I opened this up for the screen shot, but I had been listening

You have heard it before, you’ll hear it again. Probably soon, probably better and probably from Louis CK, in which case it will definitely be funnier.

But what an age we live in! Literally, a mere 10 years ago my wife sat at home hoping my once a week phone call from Africa would actually connect. Today, I am texting her as she has lunch with her little brother in Virginia. But what’s more impressive is that I am doing that while watching real time race updates as my buddies the Three Pedal Mafia and their beater Rolls Royce battle Speedycop and his amazing upside down racecar at on the 24 Hours of Lemons at NJMP. The mighty K Car wagon is there as well.

Unfortunately, I believe that is the S-10 Sea Sprite, FB tells me the Rolls is totalled

Yeah, you can watch big races live on the a giant TV from almost anywhere with electricity, but I am here, in a hotel in Amman Jordan, Guinness slippers on, getting real-time lap by lap updates on my iPhone with the Race Monitor App. This allows me to annoy my east coast teammate with useless observations and pointless advice so obnoxiously, it’s like I am there, only they didn’t have to buy me a case of Dos XXs.

Seriously, what is most unlikely? Unicorn farts or NJ College virgins?

This is not up to the minute action of the latest Formula 1 race, but this is “as-it-happens” track data from a crapcan race. All in the comfort of a small couch while Brittany Howard serenades me from my Alabama Shakes Pandora station.

Yeah, I know I’m not cool, call me a fanboi, trend jumper, whatever. I will read it, from right here, on the same couch, 8,000 miles away. I will probably read it within seconds of you clicking “comment.” But I move my lips when I read, so it will take a while. I am from Georgia after all.

But think about it. To place the concept in another time frame; it’s like my Dad being able to watch a Friday night grudge race from his leatherette La-Z-Boy by tuning to a UHF channel back when I was a wee lad. Except the TV is in Spain, a heckler can toss beer can at him from Australia, all while he typed up a story about it. Then mailed that story to German editor in Japa…you see where this is going right?

Of course you do. I am pointing out that you can mock me, as I bother my team, while we are watching live updates and our snarky criticism of other people can span the globe. I only ask that for a few seconds prior to your slapping that “enter” key with resolute authority, you think about the wonder of it all.

It’s pretty cool huh?

Go Three Pedal Mafia!

Fire away.

W. Christian Mental Ward has owned over 70 cars and destroyed most of them. He is a graduate of Panoz Racing School, loves cartoons and once exceeded the speed of sound. Married to the most patient woman in the world; he has three dogs, a Philosophy degree and a gift for making Derek and Jack wonder if English is actually his first language.