Rock Beats Scissors, But Tractor Beats Cop Cars (With More Info)

by Jack Baruth

Published: April 25th, 2013

rock beats scissors but tractor beats cop cars with more info

Everybody’s talking about abuse of police power nowadays, but what are you doing about it?

If the answer is not “crush eight cop cars with your tractor then drive away”, you’re not doing as much as Roger Pion.

Edited to congratulate the B&B and to add information

It might be going too far to call the thirty-four-year-old pot-smoker a “great American”, but there’s something of the Founding Fathers in the man. After being arrested for marijuana possession, Mr. Pion made bail, went home, got in a tractor, returned to the police station, and dispensed a little justice of his own. He crushed all the police vehicles in the lot in a maneuver described as “monster truck rodeo” by spectators. The best, I mean worst, part? The police were unable to pursue him because all their vehicles had been crushed. Presumably they had nobody on staff who could run as quickly as a large tractor can drive.

Nobody knows where Pion got the tractor, which makes the whole incident even more surreal. There were no injuries, although given that Panthers are no longer in production it would seem reasonable to charge the man with crimes against automotive enthusiasm and irreplaceable full-size sedans. Not that they’re exactly short on things with which to charge him; his list of violations includes “leaving the scene of an accident”. That seems like a stretch, since there was nothing accidental about his behavior.

Mr. Pion comes off as a character out of Dickens or, more appropriately, Melville. It must have taken him a long time to drive to the police station. All that time, his mind must have been firmly fixed on revenge. For taking his weed. For keeping him away from the newest episode of “Game Of Thrones”. It’s hard to say. But in an era where most Generation-Xers can’t even complete a juice cleanse, there’s something to be said for that kind of moxie.

Maybe the country should have a Kickstarter to buy new police cruisers.

And a tractor-proof fence to put around them.

I’d received this story from a reader who hadn’t noticed that the date of the story was 2012, not 2013, and I was so busy laughing I didn’t check the date either. The B&B, on the other hand, immediately caught me.

So… what’s Roger Pion been up to in the past year? Well, he received donations for legal assistance from “around the world”. In response, the county decided to involuntarily commit him for unspecified “mental issues”. He was found incompetent to stand trial in January and further committed for treatment. The case is set for review.

In the meantime, the local sheriff has sued his family, since Mr. Pion turns out to have borrowed his father’s tractor to cause the mayhem. I guess he forgot all about the library like he told his old man now. The Pions are contesting the case.

More on this non-breaking story as it happens. In the meantime, check out the tribute Facebook page — JB

#CrushingCars #Hilarious #Tractor

Jack Baruth

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2 of 29 comments

Kkt on Apr 26, 2013

Stupid. Who has actually gained from his running over the cop cars? The cops get insurance and taxpayers to pay for shiny new cars. Pion is incarcerated indefinitely and his family may have to pay damages. Vermont still has a law against pot possession, and the cops will still enforce it. Why didn't he make legalization his cause, or move to Colorado or Washington?

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Tklockau on Apr 26, 2013

It might have happened a year ago, but still amusing to read. I wonder how far he had to drive that thing? And how about the conversation he must have had: "Um, Dad, I need to borrow the tractor..." "Why?" "Um, my car broke down..."

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