If They Made A Movie About This, They Could Call It "Wired For Death"

Jack Baruth
by Jack Baruth

Many years ago, I was bombing my Zoke-Z1-equipped Klein down a trail in Ohio’s Caesar Creek park when I took a wrong turn and found myself heading towards a farmer’s field. I saw a flash, a glint, in midair fifty feet ahead of me and I jammed both brakes, coming to a heaving halt an arm’s length away from a brand-new bit of barbed wire strung across the trail, presumably at the farmer’s property line. It was at about the right elevation to catch me across the chest, but it would have caught a child at the neck.

Lacking a tool with which to cut the hazard down, I twisted up two large branches in the wire so it would be obvious to the less attentive then went on my way, my general contempt for man’s inhumanity to cyclist freshly reinforced. When I quit racing bikes and started focusing on cars, I figured I’d never see anything like that again. It would appear I was wrong.

Stringing barbed wire across roads is now Officially A Thing. It’s damaging PT Cruisers in Michigan. It’s terrifying pensioners in the UK. It’s cutting pedestrians in Pakistan.

The concept of booby-trapping or attacking random motorists is far from new; it’s been around as long as the car itself and will likely remain well into the future — but the nature and frequency of such incidents offers some insight into how motorists are viewed by the general public. The current recession has put a lot of people on foot. If (let’s not kid ourselves… as) that situation continues, it won’t be long before some genuine populist aggression starts to stir, however passively it might manifest itself.

Of course, where there’s a populist will, there’s a capitalist way. Perhaps BMW will bring the “wire-cutter” Roundel into production:

In the meantime — eyes up, and watch the behavior of cars ahead of you. But you’re doing that anyway, right?

Jack Baruth
Jack Baruth

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  • Gessvt Gessvt on Jan 25, 2013

    I would have taken it one step further and came back the next day with wire cutters. What an a**hole. And I trump your Z1 with the XC400 (drilled forks for lightness!) on my Bridgestone MB-1, back in the day. Never made it to Caesar Creek, but we frequented the Poto up in Pinckney when I was a more adept rider.

  • Corey Lewis Corey Lewis on Feb 05, 2013

    Is that a Commodore at :59 in the movie clip? It's Volvo-type headlamps are making me confused. When they show the back it looks like a Vauxhall Carlton. Side note: I love how when the S-Class runs over the tire spikes there's a nice bit of flame. Now I know why there's always a fire when I get a flat.

  • Master Baiter There are plenty of affordable EVs--in China where they make all the batteries. Tesla is the only auto maker with a reasonably coherent strategy involving manufacturing their own cells in the United States. Tesla's problem now is I think they've run out of customers willing to put up with their goofy ergonomics to have a nice drive train.
  • Cprescott Doesn't any better in red than it did in white. Looks like an even uglier Honduh Civic 2 door with a hideous front end (and that is saying something about a Honduh).
  • Kwik_Shift_Pro4X Nice look, but too short.
  • EBFlex Considering Ford assured us the fake lightning was profitable at under $40k, I’d imagine these new EVs will start at $20k.
  • Fahrvergnugen cannot remember the last time i cared about a new bmw.
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